My New Man Crush

I have a man crush on Chad Daniels (www.chaddaniels.com), the headliner I got to work with this past weekend. Not only was he hilarious all weekend, but he is an incredible guy. I had an amazing time with him at the Baltimore Comedy Factory from the Thursday night show to the 3 show death march on Saturday night. I tore the club up from my feature spot on 5/6 shows with the Thursday night show being my worst as I decided to do poorly to set up the rest of the weekend. Erin Jackson was the MC and she had a great weekend as well. She's a funny lady and one of the nicest people that lives on Earth. Thanks again to the Factory for the spot.

I admire Chad because he's so ballsy. He has zero fear and doesn't whore himself to the audience the way insecure people like me tend to do. He was going to do it his way and I would laugh myself silly at lines that were going way over the heads of Baltimore's finest. Awesome.

Cool week this week. Nanny O'briens on Tuesday night (www.nannyobriens.com) show starts at 8:30. Ryan Conner, Chris White and others. Always a fun show.

Friday, and this is pretty cool, Daniel Tosh (who is easily worth the price of admission) is headlining a DC Comedyfest show that features nationally renowned sketch group Elephant Larry. The show will be hosted by my boy and humor creator, Rory Scovel. Check out www.dccomedyfest.com for details.

Saturday night, I'm in a contest that should be a lot of fun. The DCCF is putting on a contest at the Cantina Marina (www.cantinamarina.com) on the waterfront and the winner will get to open the DC Comedyfest in 2006. Show starts at 8 and should be a great time. Admission is free.

Sorry that post wasn't funny.

"I noticed everything is made of brick in this town. Most of the buildings, the warehouse...this wall. Who's the mayor of this town? The third little pig? Wolf couldn't blow my town over bitches." -Chad Daniels

Eating it

I had a pretty mediocre set last night at the Factory. Some would say it was 'just a Thursday crowd' others might say 'its because you're not funny'. Erin Jackson is funny. She has this awesome joke about ugly children.

The headliner, Chad Daniels, is a really nice guy. He's funny. He made fun of Baltimore with one of the most insightful and funny things I have ever heard. I hope he does it again tonight.

I am going to do better tonight as well. First show is at 8:30 and the 2nd show is at 10:30.

I stepped on the mic cord and pulled it out of the mic during my set last night. Who does that? Honestly, who does that happen to? I tried to roll with it but I felt like a pedophile holding a bag of burning dicks at a high school assembly, thrilled to be where I was but horribly embarrassed about myself and what I was doing.

I love McDonald's breakfast.

Several people have asked me about updates to my website (one person 5 weeks ago who didn't know me). I am working on that. I've got the software now and am working to get the site to point to the new root directory. The point is, when you are barely computer literate, its almost more frustrating than having zero idea at all. I know just enough to screw it up.

My boy Frank Hong, Satellite power forward/equipment/demolition expert, won the Comedy Kumite last night; setting the stage for a horrible sequel that no one wants to see just like the real Bloodsport Movies.

The Factory

THIS JUST IN:

I am featuring at the Baltimore Comedy Factory this weekend (www.baltimorecomedy.com). Shows are as follows:

Thursday @8, Friday @8:30 + 10:30, and Saturday @ 7, 9, and 11

Chad Daniels is the headliner. I've never actually seen him but I have heard he's funny. Erin Jackson is the host and she is really good.


Speaking of baltimore comedy, I have got to mention my boy Justin Schlegel dominating the DC Improv Open Mic Showcase last night. He was so obviously the best comic that I was worried something weird would happen. Justin is the most talented comedian I have ever met. When I first saw him, you could just tell that he was a funny guy. Now, because he works so hard and is really dedicated to becoming great, he is a polished, smooth, and quick comic that has no limits on where he can go. Great job little jew, great job.

In these contests, there always seems to be someone that doesn't place very high and the entire audience is confused. Last night, Ricky Paugh had a good set. A large and boisterous portion of the crowd was there to see him and they were very supportive. It felt to a lot of people there that because he had so many people, the judges might have dismissed him. This doesn't make sense to me as one of the reasons you have a comedy club is so that people will come see the shows. No other points here, its just a little tough to figure out.

Come see me in Baltimore this weekend. I am going 'tear the club up'. Holler

Thanks Again and Next Week

Satellite Show was awesome on Saturday. Thanks to DC Comedyfest, Satellite, and all the great fans who came out and supported our kickoff show. More to come from us so stay tuned.

Go to www.dccomedyfest.com . Do it right now. Next week, Daniel Tosh is performing in a 'taste of the fest' show with a hilarious sketch troupe Elephant Larry. The show will be hosted by DC's own Rory Scovel at Lisner Auditorium at GW on Friday night.

On Tuesday, Nov 1, I'll be at Nanny O'briens for the monthly showcase with Ryan Conner, Chris White and others. Always a fun show.

On Saturday, Nov 5, along with some of the area's best comics, I'm in a contest to open next year's DC Comedyfestival. The show is at Cantina Marina (www.cantinamarina.com) on the Waterfront. Ryan Conner, Rory Scovel, Alicia Gomes, Seaton Smith, Herbie Gill and some others that I am forgetting. Show will be tight like shrunken spandex.

That's your funny danny calendar. Now to the real issues, if you live in a sprawled metropolitan area and plan on getting to places outside the city, you need a car. I can't stand non-car people. They come off like they are these helpless little lambs that will get blown away by the wind if you don't give them a ride to their house in Alexandria on a Friday afternoon when all you want to do is go in the exact opposite direction to your house and take a nap.

They put you in these positions like: "well if you want to hang out with me, I'm going to need a ride there and back" and you're a dick if you choose not to give them a ride because its like you don't care enough about them to make the extra effort. My boy dated a girl that never drove but was also a public transportation snob. I myself hate public transportation as I think it is for peasants and self-righteous earthy people who take the bus to their non-profit and go to happy hours and complain about their boss and Bush, but if I didn't have a car, I'd figure it out really quick.

My boy Pat lives in New York and he is like an idiot savant with the transportation system. He has mastered it and all its uses. He is a shining example of what can happen when one applies himself to getting around. This brings me back to my original point, if you don't have a car, get one. Then, once you have it, drive it and drive everyone around that you made drive you for all those years. Once my boy Mike graduates from law school, I expect a full 3 years of indentured servitude as my personal chauffeur. ha ha funny right? Drive me to Jamba Juice biyyatch.

U2/Satellite Ready to Rock

I went to the U2 show last night at MCI. They were incredible. I wish I didn't always speak in superlatives so when I really want to convey meaning, I coud actually make people appreciate what I'm trying to say. U2 was so amazing. That is what a band is supposed to do. They get how to put on a show. I had an unreal time.

Susan O'Malley, the President of the Wizards, came into our suite looking for our group leader. I told her: "thanks for the Wizards". Inappropriate and kind of awkward to be honest.

Satellite Show on Saturday. Nothing more needs to be said about it. People are excited, everything is in place, and its on. Thanks again to everyone that bought tickets. We will not let you go home without being entertained. Doug Powell will be there. Afterparty will be a good time. Meet us at the Front Page around 10.

One.

Learning to Make Jokes

Muttley's was cancelled last night so I did 7 minutes at Dremos instead. It was fine. I realized a few things:

1) I really have no idea how to write a joke. I have no clue what my 'style' is. I just create things that I think are funny with every joke being different. Some have to do with my silly little voices and others are stories and still others are the more classic set up-punch line-tag line things that make me want to puke in my own mouth.

2) There are 3 comics that were all there last night who are amazing joke writers: Chris White, Ryan Conner and Jeff Maurer. I watch them and always think things like: 'I wish I'd thought of that' and 'he's got a real pretty mouth'. If you are just starting comedy or if you have been doing the exact same 7 minute set since I've known you or if you still think doing an open mic is a big deal or if you brag about one time at an open mic where you got laughs or if you ruin the show for the rest of the comics because you deflate the crowd because your set eats it so bad that you think about quitting comedy like the time I did Bridges, please observe these guys and analyze how they structure things because its good.

3) I really can't stand it when I see someone who I think has the talent to be a good comic not using it (If you are friends with Julia Bensfield, kidnap her and bring her to comedy shows because she could be great). I've seen so many comics get up and give a 7 minute speech that is always the same. There are a couple of funny parts but its like they have no concept of what jokes are (less so than me). They might get a few laughs but they will never kill with that stuff. To me, that has to be your goal. I am not satisfied with that kind of laughter. I get pissed when I don't crush and I can't imagine being in any way satisfied with anything less (which is why I'm always pissed). I always want to get better and I see these people staying on the same plane and its really irritating.

4) Of course there is no one way to write jokes. If there was a formula that could be easily evaluated, Chris and Ryan would have met in the finals at the Boston Comedy Festival. What is funny to some will be noise to others. I blogged the other day about how much I love Dane Cook (as a comic. Easy gay police). Chris White makes some really good points in his blog about why you shouldn't like Dane Cook http://www.chriswhitesucks.com/blog.php (go all the way down to the bottom). Its an opinion thing.

Really excited for U2 tonight. Satellite is going to be cooler than Optimus Prime in pajamas on Saturday.

Holler

Pumped Amped and Juiced

I'm like a New Jersey High School Football right now. This has already been a great week and more wonderfullness is on the way.

I am doing a lot of time at TS Muttley's tonight, going to the U2 concert on Thursday, and am going to leave the mic scalding in my wake on Saturday night as I get carried out of the place to the top of a pyramid where 1000 naked women will throw miniature pickles at me (Real Genius bitches. #1 Val Kilmer role of all time. Top Gun included).

As a side, I am sure everyone can relate to what I'm about to say. You know how there are certain people in your life that you take for granted most of the time but every once in a while, you can step back and say, "I am so lucky to know ____", because he or she is just a winner, a gamer; the type of person that if you told them it was important, it would get done. "Listen, its important, run to the corner and haul it in when I throw it."

-"You got it."

I have so many people like that in my universe which makes me feel lucky. My friend Claire is one of these people; just a winner. She achieves. That's it. Just an obstacle conquering lady who tries to make everyone happy. We are going to U2 on Thursday night. She thinks, 'hey Danny loves U2, I'll ask him.'

U2 is easily my favorite band. I love them. I can rattle off 50 songs of theirs that I love and I discover more all the time. There are bands like Coldplay (they are great too by the way), who are making waves now and are drawing comparisons to U2, but U2 has them covered. I was listening to some Coldplay last night. I suck at all the names of songs but they had some really beautiful piano tracks that were slow and really cool. I went back and grabbed an old U2 cd from 1982 and found that they were doing the same thing back then. They can do it all and they put on the most incredible shows. Best band on the planet and in my mind, they have to stack up with the greatest rock bands of all time as they have been awesome for close to 30 years.

Satellite is sold out for Saturday, come to the afterparty at Front Page at 10. We have a private room and we will all be there throwing ourselves about the place.

I Want To Tell You About the Time I Almost Died

As of right now, tickets are sold out to the Satellite Kickoff Show presented by DC Comedyfest on Saturday at Topaz Bar (1733 N Street). Thanks to all those that reserved their tickets in advance.; RUYA (see a previous post if you don't know) to those of you that didn't. The place will be packed and the humor will be hot. Join us at the official afterparty at The Front Page which is a couple blocks away at 1333 New Hampshire Ave at 10PM. Stuff will be off of the chains designed to keep it on.

Last night, Satellite point guard Rory Scovel and I journeyed down to a club in Richmond where Rory (www.roryscovel.com) was headlining and I was doing a guest spot to audition to headline in the future. The place is called Easy Street thanks to Ray for putting the show on and letting me do some time. What a great crowd. They rolled with everything and stayed through the entire show which went pretty long. Why did it run long? Because Rory did 1 hour and 15 minutes. Thanks ass. Way to feel the moment big guy. Who cares if we get out of Richmond at midnight? I was with him for the first 30 minutes. During the next 30 minutes I tried to hold my breath until I passed out hoping that I would at least get some rest before coming to work today. During the last 15 minutes I was mentally screaming at him to shut the hell up like Elane when she was trapped in coach and had to get up to go potty. I kid. He did great and proved that he can fill a long spot. Awesome stuff.

When we finally did pull away, we stopped for gas. I went to see if the shop was open to grab a couple of beverages for the road. As I was walking back to the car upon discovering the store was closed, a big SUV slowly pulled into the parking lot. In the car, there were two young men wearing hooded sweatshirts taking a really long look at the store. They rolled by as if they were deciding something and went to the back of the parking lot and turned around. 'Oh my God,' I thought, 'they are about to rob this place'. I walk briskly back to the car and tell Rory who has just finished filling up: 'let's go right now. I'm not kidding'. He assumed I was kidding because we are comics (the danger of humor my friends). I get in and tell him to hurry up. I look back and now the SUV is moving to pull along side us. I am terrified. Here is my thought process:

-They were planning on robbing the gas station convinience store. When it was locked and no one was inside, they decided they were going to rob and shoot us instead.-

Rory is moving really slowly and I am freaking out. Just as he gets in the car. The SUV arrives alongside us and the passenger rolls down his window and sticks his head out and signals for Rory to roll down his window. I am frozen with fear. Rory looks at the guy for a second and then rolls his window down. The kid leans out and I am thinking: "here it is. This is how it ends. I am going to get shot twice in the chest and I am going to die in Richmond in my friend's sister's shitty car."

The kid sounds like Fez from 'That 70s Show' and asks where the bus station is. Rory somehow knew the answer. They drive off. I say: "I would never hang out here" and we went home.

Fin.

Week of Humor

Tonight, Rory Scovel (www.roryscovel.com) and I are going to a club in Richmond to do a show. It is supposed to be awesome like the part in the Karate Kid where Daniel San uses the crane technique to kick John Lawrence in the face and win the All Valley Karate Tournament (look it up. Its right.)

Wednesday I will be throwing humor about the place at TS Muttley's in Adams Morgan. We were going to do a show there a couple weeks ago but the Redsox were busy losing to the White Sox in the battle for sock supremacy. Who would have thought that an Irish bar would have such ardent Red Sox fans in it and not be ready for a comedy show during the playoffs? All the comics, that's who. We are self-absorbed geeks that have no concept outside of our self-indulged worlds of 10 minute sets. How was that for a a scathing self-commentary? I don't know what those words mean.

Saturday: The biggest show that has ever been ever. We only have a few tickets left for the Satellite Kickoff Show sponsored by DC Comedyfest. Saturday night, 8 PM, the Topaz Bar at 1733 N street. Tix are $5. To reserve, send an email to satelliteshows@gmail.com . If you build it, people will come to your show.

Craig's List

I realize that I'm probably well behind the times here, but I am confused over the nature of craig's list. I get that its an easy way to do classifieds which can be extremely functional. You can find a sublet, some furniture, even a roommate and all these things are good uses of cyberspace. There is a darker side to the c-list that is, quite frankly, bizarre and terrifying in a 'small child with a monotone voice and wide eyes' kind of way.

I was on the c-list today looking for an apartment. I got board from trying to translate the constant flow of 3 bdr, 2.5bth, k/dwu, gdspl, w/du $2200 sec dp .5 1mr.

So, I looked about the site a little bit. There is a section called 'casual encounters'. This is for people to arrange to make the sex. Here I was wasting my time trying to talk to women who in turn leaving me to go and talk to ass-clowns that look like the belong in a Chapel Hill fraternity basement funneling Jack Daniels while a shrieking southern girl rebels against her uptight moral code by kissing Yates-Harrison Bodeaux IV before going on their 5th date.

I quickly realized that I could not look at this casual encounters section while at work because it is the same filth level as reading the made up stories in playboy and penthouse and my emails to my high school friends. So, I went back to the main page and another thing caught my eye: 'missed connections'. People write stuff like this: "hotty from the Balston Metro Stop wearing a blue jacket. Hi" in hopes that said person will see it and contact them. This is the internet equivalent of the Senifeld episode where George thinks of what he should have said to the guy in his office after the fact and he settles on "Jerkstore. I'm going with Jerkstore". What a joke.

Then it struck me that my X-girlfriend emailed me one of those a couple of weeks ago that featured one of my comedy buddies. Which means that someone was hoping he'd read it. It also means that she was reading them which makes me uncomfortable. This is just a phenomenon that I don't get and I don't want to get it. The same way I have no interest in getting 'hooked on IM'. I hate IM for many reasons. Here are 2:

1) I cannot type fast enough to keep up. I am still responding to a question after the other person has typed 4 more responses
2) I would have to punch myself in the face if I were ever tempted to use terms like: brb! LOL! TTYL :) !! (:-!)

If any of you missed connecting with me, my email is danny.funnydanny.com. I was the guy that thinks you are a complete loser for posting these things on the internet. Contact me.

More Dane Cook Stuff

Dane Cook is amazing. Do yourself a favor and pick up his comedy CD Retaliation. www.danecook.com . He is the greatest comic working right now. He has a joke that made me spit up last night when I was listening to it alone by myself. I actually spit out my purple gatorade onto the coffee table at my parents' house.

F the Jankees

RUYA (that's an acronym (I think its an acronym) for Right Up Your Ass). To all the yankees fans out there: RUYA. I love the fact that your team is done. I am a huge baseball fan. I played in college and I set little league records. I love baseball and for years, the new york yankees were ruining the game.

Here's the breakdown:

Two teams, one is the yankees, the other is a mid-market team in the middle of the country.

yankees payroll: $200 million
MM team: $60 million

You might say, so what? Doesn't it just mean that MM team has to be smart? yes, but its so much more than that. If MM invests in a player and something doesn't work out (injury, underproduction etc.) then the team likely will not be able to compete. If the yankees screw up (every year they make a bunch of mistakes. Don't believe me? Here's this year's short list: Carl Pavano, Jared Wright, Kevin Brown, Matt Lawton and Tony Womack), they can just keep buying until they get it right. If another team made half those mistakes, they'd be in last place.

Some of you might be saying so what, if they can afford it let them do whatever they want or, I thought he was a comic, why am I reading about baseball? Here is what I say to question 1: Baseball and other professional sports are a unique product. Part of that product is competition. Baseball finally adopted a form of revenue sharing to attempt to insure some sense of competitive balance as football and basketball have enjoyed for years. A pro sport is really just an organization of owners who, quite often, are not held accountable to 'what's good for the game'. The commissioner is appointed by the owners and he is their puppet sent to watch out for their interests. The point here is that no one is holding the owners accountable. Fans complain about player salaries but someone is signing those contracts. The owners created their own mess and then spin the situation so that the players are vilified as greedy. Owners knew full well about the steroid situation for years but they turned a blind eye. Home runs were being hit and asses were in seats, they weren't complaining in the aftermath of the strike that cancelled the World Series a few years ago. The owners got together and decided to spin the issue and make it a bargaining chip against the players.

My boys in the minor leagues were approached many times by guys within the organization with designer steroids that were 'undetectable'. It was being encouraged. Those guys were just bodies and if one of them pans out into a 40 HR second baseman, it was worth it.

Anyway, all the bandwagon yankee fans out there can eat poo for another year until the yankees win the offseason again. Real yankee fans are fine. I mean that. The guys that went through the days of Mattingly, Matty Nokes, Kevin Maas etc. are fine by me. The smelly dickholes that jumped on the bandwagon after that little bastard turned Jeter's fly out into a home run, can go play in traffic.

I am rooting for St. Louis to win this thing. 1) best baseball fans in the world 2) unbelievably classy organization 3) Top 2 GM in all of pro sports (Walt Jockety is right behind John Schuerholz of the Braves) that finds guys that were cast off by others and they are rejuvinated in STL (Chris Carpenter, Jason Marquis etc.). Let's go Cards.

My new jokes are crisp. Dremos on Wed could change the world.

The Spot

Did spanking new stuff at the Comedy Spot on Sunday night. I crushed. Curt Shackelford (the show organizer guy) let me do about 20 minutes. I love Curt. I really do. No dude on dude love here, just a great guy who works super hard to put shows together so idiot comics like me can get time.

Last night I went out. I was really drunk. I didn't go home all day Sunday and then went and did the Spot on Sunday night. I was disgusting. You know when you are so gross that you are aware of how gross you are and you are embarrassed? Just like that.

Tickets are selling rapidly for the Satellite Kickoff Show. It is going to be awesome. We will stun you and take your underpants off for you. For tickets, send an email to satelliteshows@gmail.com

Miserable about the Redskins loss today. I love the Redskins so much. I just want my parade. There was a parade in DC when I was a kid when they won the Superbowl. There was so much mirth. I want that again. They are so close to being a good team that its frustrating. They should have won the game today. I played sports and everyone says they 'should have won' so I know that's lame but I'm serious about this. There was a fumble that they called an incomplete pass. If the refs interpreted the rule correctly, then the rule needs to be changed. The QB tried to not throw the ball and then dropped it. Fumble, Redskins victory. The NFL irritates me because I think its the sport where the refs have the biggest impact on the game. There were some attrocious calls in the game and some even worse non-calls. I have never understood why its hard to just make the right call. A screw up periodically is understandable but what happened today is absurd. The Redskins made it close because of a bullsh#t defensive holding call on 4th down. Refs suck. I want to make a movie called 'Ref School'. My boy Mike Dirksen who is an actor in Hollywood will make this film and I will help. Ref School 2011, look for that sh*t.

My Madden Franchise was dealt a crippling blow tonight when Clinton Portis went down with a torn pectoral muscle. He is out for the year. Ladell Betts is really going to have to step up. I really need a girlfriend.

Out.

5

Last night Rory and I did a benefit show at Club 5. Last time I was there as a collegian a jewish sorority girl told me: "I am rolling my a$$ off right now" as 'x' was quite the rage at the time for rich kids. I ended up getting so drunk there, that I did not recognize my own reflection in the mirror and became bewildered when I couldn't find the other man I was seeing when I turned around to look. Good times.

Last night, the scene was very different. There was a hurricane Katrina benefit there. It was casino night at 5. Patrons paid some money and then received fake $ to gamble with and then received donated prizes based on how well they did ( I lost everything just like the real vegas. Can't wait to go back and see it again). The point? It was the least conducive environment for a comedy show in the history of the free world (there may have been some tough times in evil empires, Stalin's USSR, and other cutthroat monarchies along the way). No one paid attention. Rory said 2 great things:
1) he said the worst part is that there were a ton of people that are going to leave there thinking that the comedians really sucked when in reality it was their suckiness that ruined the show.
2) He said that if the people didn't laugh at his jokes at a hurricane Benefit Show, then the hurricanes win.

There were a couple of really nice folks there; they were married. I forgot the guy's name because he was a guy and its not important for me to remember guys' names because I don't want to meet any more new guys for any reason. I know plenty of guys. I went to an all guys high school, I played baseball on several out of school teams, and then in college. I'm good on guys. No new ones thanks. Anyway, his wife was really cool and her name is Stephanie. Stephanie works for Alase and was surprised to find out that I have a joke about Alase. Good times. They were the only people that listened through the whole show. Great couple. I hope they come to the show at Topaz on the 22nd that will crush like heavy stuff dropped from on high. For tickets email satelliteshows@gmail.com .

Another girl listened sometimes. I accused her of being salty. She claimed she was not salty. To prove it, she came up to the stage and I licked her arm. It was awkward like when you first call a girl and she doesn't remember you. Our buddy Jay that hosted the show gave her a fake $1000 and told her to do whatever I wanted. Hilarity and tomfoolery in one sitting.

Come to TS Muttley's tonight. I'm doing about 20 minutes. Show starts at 8:30.

Holler

Some Things that Are Awesome

I am going to talk about some things and some people that are awesome. In no particular order, here we go:

Larry Poon: I have said some really bad things about Larry Poon when he wasn't around. I once called him a 'poor man's Harry Poon, this guy I knew from Cherry Hill, NJ that was always telling stories and eating cookies'. Well I take it all back. I had the pleasure of performing with him this past weekend at Busboys and Poets (more on that in a minute). He is incredible. The thing that I like the best is that there is a portion of the crowd that totally doesn't get it. They think he really is this guy who is flossing onstage and doing lounge-singer versions of rap songs. What a performer. He poured water on my chest.

Zach Toczcznycskcznzcski: There are a select few group of people who you can really say have done a lot for comedy in the Washington, DC area (Chris White, Blaire Postman, Sean Westfall to name a few). Well, Zach is on his way to joining that elite group. This guy starts rooms and he gets deserving comics stage time plain and simple. That is a hard working man right there. He let me do Busboys & Poets this weekend and we had 2 incredible shows where I got to feature and do 20 minutes. This is really a tremendous room and I had a blast. What a great guy. I had a decent set on Friday and a great one on Saturday in front of a bunch of my friends who are just about sick of coming out to see me. Its a good challenge to keep coming up with new stuff to keep them interested. Zach is in the semi-finals of the Baltimore Comedy Factory Contest and if he wins, he's donating half of the $2500 to hurricane Katrina Relief. I hope he does win as he's better than some poo-eating disc jockey who stacks the crowd and wins over the Bmore crowd with free t-shirts and dick jokes. Also, I think when he and I slapped five at the end of my set, I became just a smidge gayer. I had the urge to iron my shirt this morning and that's not the old Danny.

Dane Cook(www.danecook.com): I watched Dave Attel's Insomniac Comedy Tour from Las Vegas last night. Sean Rouse was OK as was Attel who hosted. Greg Giraldo was pretty funny. I really like his style. The headliner was Dane Cook. This guy is unreal. I had sort of forgotten about him for a little while as I was getting into some other comics but he slapped me in the face last night with how amazing he is. He is so funny it makes other comics feel like bad comics must feel when they see me crushing in my 4 minute sets at Topaz where I read off a napkin and do my silly litltle voices. He has a rep for being kind of a dick which I hope isn't true. You don't have to be. I've been lucky enough to work with some really amazing comics who were also incredible guys (Adam Ferrara, Aron Kader, Tony Woods, and T-Rexx to name some) and it makes them that much better. You want them to do that well because it feels like they know how hard it is to get there.

Satellite Show: see my previous blog about ticket info. Tickets are beginning to sell so I'd try and reserve them while you can. We are the 7 coolest basketball playing comics ever (except Justin Schlegel. He is a skate boarder and it got awkward when we were playing some 3 0n 3 on a half court and he tried to execute a max-air ollie rollover fakie grinder 720 statue howdy-marxist airbag turbo quilted blankey used to suck my thumb after losses in little league).

Come hang out at TS Muttley's this week. I'm doing another 20 minute spot on Wednesday night. Should be fun. Muttley's is in Adams Morgan on the strip. Cool bar. Hot dudes...yeah. Show is at 8:30. I need groupies.