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Below you will find the following elements: mirth, joy, humor, mockery, insinuation, sport, politics, comedy, rants, awkwardness, opinions, communacable disease, self-promotion, and lingo. Enjoy.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

The Bachelor


I haven't watched any Bachelor related programming for some time now. I got into one of them as part of an agreement that allowed my buds and I to watch 30 some hours of football per week, 24, and The Sopranos (still not an ending.) I don't know what seas it was, I do know that the dude was an idiot and picked some yatch from the south. Ohmygoshyallsofuuuuuuuun!


Anyway, It was the one with this chick: http://jam.canoe.ca/Television/2006/02/08/1430649.html


Team Canada, my horse. I was heartbroken when she was eliminated. I didn't understand how this could happen. Why?
Since I had no reason to watch any of the following seasons (have their been following seasons? I dunno), I haven't. Well, this one is different.
Now, I will start by telling you that I missed the first episode. Irresponsible on my part. No excuse. Why do I care? I know one of the bachelorettes. She's from DC and went to Wilson High School. She's friends with lots of my friends. It was with great relief that I found out she made it past the first cut. Here is my problem:
I have railed before (and still feel) that this program, and other copies, are awful for more reasons than I can count. Here are some:
-The great glee female viewers take in bashing the girls on the show (run a google search and read a blog if you don't believe me) and the sinister voyeaurism as the chicks are emotionally jerked around.
-The horrendous phenomenon of girls working themselves into a frenzy because they are competing with other girls.
-The fact that if any one of them, on her own, met the guy or someone like him in due course, they wouldn't be talking about 'fairy tales' or talking about 'being in love' after 3 weeks in a transparent attempt to 1-up the other girls on the show.
-Having now filmed a reality show, the absurdly contrived scenes/settings/prompting that takes place is an insult to viewers that no one seems to get. It's not reality people. They have 'takes', they have you repeat things, you will say the same thing a dozen times, you get prompted to say key phrases, they cut it together to have the roles filled: girl that is 'evil', girl the everyone likes and roots for. There is a producer/director in the interview room with each girl during her 'confessional'. They try and trap you into saying terrible things about the others on the show.
There's more but I'll spare you. So what's my problem? I have a horse in the field again. Now, while my common sense wants her to be eliminated because of how terrible I think the whole thing is, my heart wants her to win this thing. Put it right in those other b*tches' eyepieces. So yes Bettina, call it a fairy tell, tell us all that it's magical, have the other chicks get jealous of you because you are stealing too much 'one on one time' with Chooch McGarnigal, do the damn thing. I urge you all to tune in and root for Bettina. Mondays at 10 on ABC. Repping DC to the death.

Monday, September 24, 2007

If You Were A _______


This is the name of my favorite game to play. I randomly think of something that someone in the room would be and tell them they would be it. The recipient doesn't understand and is immediately defensive or, pretends not to be defensive.


Examples:


I tell my buddy that if he was an airline, he'd be Lufthansa. Why? No one knows.


I told my special lady friend that if she was an NFL official, she'd be Ed Hochuli (pictured). There is simply no good reason for this, but it's hysterical. I suggest you try it with your friends. Employ the ADD and let your mind wander.
If you want to inform your friend that if he was a car, he'd be a PT Cruiser, then do so.
If you want to tell your buddy that if he were a baseball pitch, he'd be a foshball, by all means, proceed.
If you think your mom would be an antelope if she were an animal, then she sould know that.
The real point here is that I don't have anything to write about.
Dear reader, if you were a lake, you'd be lake Minnetonka.
Danny

Monday, September 17, 2007

Temping

I just interviewed with a temp agency in NYC. Note: temp interviews should go like this: 'bruh, are you retarded?' If yes, then we have some stuff for you, if no, we have some stuff; different from the first stuff, for you.

I need to earn some cash. Apparently, you can't just be like Kramer up here and not work. Whammy.

Big one tonight for my team. Philly could be 0-2. Puppies will be saved.

Good luck to Joe Robinson who makes his debut in a few minutes on 98 rock. I guess its not his debut but the debut of his show. Either way, its good for him.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Codeword Secret

The pilot I was a part of: Codeword Secret has launched its website. We are going to be filming episodes in the coming weeks so look out for them. I say look out because they will be hot like fire in an oven in the sun. I'm in it, my character is kind of a loser. I swear its a character and not me saying lines.

I am in 4 fantasy football leagues. This is too many. I am in each one for a good reason. They each connect a different part of my life and its fun to be involved with each of these groups. The problem is, I cannot even remember who I'm rooting for on Sundays anymore (player wise...its always the Redskins and whoever is playing dallas/philly/new york). The other hard part is keeping track of player acquisitions, starting the right guys, and generally managing a team effectively. The thing that really stinks is fantasy football is my least favorite fantasy sport. Its so random from week to week that its really hard to analyze trends. In baseball, you get a lot of games and are rewarded over the long hall. Ebs and valleys happen, you can pretty much predict where a guy will end up. Basketball is the same thing on a shorter scale. If a guy averages 25 a game, he may not score 25 in a given contest, but you know where his average will be.

Football is not this way. Want examples? Any fantasy owner this year would LOVE to have Steven Jackson. He went 2nd overall in most leagues. He had 58 yards rushing and lost 2 fumbles on Sunday. Was it a bad pick for me to take him? No one would say yes, yet, he was outperformed by almost every starting RB in the league. Most fantasy owners would tell you that Larry Fitzgerald is a stud and one of the sure things in fantasy football; poised for a monster year. 20 yards receiving. That's what I got. Was I stupid because I didn't draft Brandon Marshall when I could take Fitz? Of course not. The result is that I'm 0-1 in a couple leagues because my stars didn't do sh*t.

I've got a bunch more examples for other teams. It's so random and I feel like there is a lot less skill involved than the other sports. This is all moot because I'm still going to play. I'm a pu$$y.

The weather today in New York is perfect. Literally perfect. This is what I signed up for. That and the fame. The weather is nice though.

Monday, September 10, 2007

A month of Sundays

I haven't blogged since Aug 14. The excuses are things like 'the internet isn't reliable here', 'I've been busy', 'I've been working on other stuff'. None of that is true. Well, the internet thing is true.

Anyway, here it is. My return to regularity. The fibercon of internet webmastery is back in business.

Updates:

Last week I filmed a tv pilot. It was a sketch comedy show/reality show that will be pitched to networks and such in the coming weeks. Updates on this as they come in. Completely bizarre/exhilarating experience. My sketch group from DC (Crisis Lab) was thrown into a stewing reality pot with a group from Chicago (Cool Table) and a group from LA (25th Century Heroes). the ultimate 'winner' of the show was the group from Chicago. They completely deserve this. To give you an idea, this group puts on a live sketch show ever week with brand new sketches. They have been doing this for years. My group now has 4 sketches and have performed live once.

The culmination of this show was a live performance at Comix Comedy Club in NY. It was an incredible show and I have not had a better time performing in my life. It felt like being on Star Search...

I was also part of a pilot that was submitted to the New York TV Festival. It is called Codeword Secret. You will hear more about this in the coming weeks. I'll be shooting future episodes soon. This show is incredible and the people working on it are super as well. The pilot was very well received which is good.

My special lady friend is going to a dress bustling this afternoon. Listen, I'm all about women enjoying themselves leading up to and during their wedding. Its their wedding. Do it up. My questions is: when did every single event associated with weddings turn into a party? The bride selects her table arrangements, party. The bride picks the invites, party. The bride tries on a dress, party. Someone, somewhere is really smart. Whenever they figured out they could do this, they made a lot of $$$.

I'll be back tomorrow. Holler

Danny