Matchups

Who wins in a fight?

2 Jonas brothers vs John Mayer?

AC Slater from the wrestling episode on Saved By the Bell vs Chris Griffin in the Family Guy when he wrestles the imaginary bear?

Jennifer Aniston from the time she was on Mad TV vs. Courtney Cox from Masters of the Universe?

Paris: The City of Light Windy Apples

I just spent a week in Paris, France not Texas.  It was an amazing trip.  I'm broke now (not an update) but it was worth it.  There are so many incredible sights in this city and it's pretty easy to get around.  

Here are the differences between Paris and New York City.  Yes, this is definitive.

-The Subway system is incredible in Paris.  NYC Subway is good but doesn't hold a candle to Paris.  Here's why:

In Paris, the train comes every 4 minutes.  Literally.  Every line, always.  Every 4 minutes.

In NYC, it's easy to get uptown/downtown but getting east/west is often a pain in the an-us.  In Paris, the system is like a spiderweb with stations constantly intersecting.

-Everything is older in Paris.  You can walk by a neighborhood church, poke your head in, and see that it was built in 1648.  Pretty neat.

-They show American shows in Paris and their original tv programming is atrocious.  For episodes of Law & also Order, the add stuff like this: "How do you say...le.....BUM BUM".  Note: this is not true.

-The reputation for Parisians being rude is largely unfounded.  However, there are some times when you are astounded.  Examples:

1) We went to sit down and have a coffee.  There were 14 tables open.  We sat at one.  The waitress eventually comes over and asked us: "Etes-vous ici pour les dejeuner?"  Which means: 'Are you here for lunch?'

We said (in broken French): 'non. soulement pour cafe.'  Which is : 'no. Only for coffee'

The waitress then went on a tirade which we eventually realized was about the fact that we were not allowed to sit where we were sitting, with 13 other open tables, if we were only going to drink coffee.  We were made to move 6 feet to a different table that was not differently marked in any way.  There were no signs indicating this policy and no way of knowing which tables would cause someone to chastise paying customers because of their seating choices.

2) We were looking for a train station called the RER.  We asked a local: 'Ou est le RER station?'  He looked puzzled.  We each took turns trying to say: 'RER' with our best fraccent.  He continued to not understand.  Then finally, he shook his finger at us and said: 'oh...RER (in a fake American doing French accent)...non...'

Then he over-exaggerated the Frenounciation: 'est. EH-RRR-AAA-EH-RRR'.  He then pointed across the street no more than 150 feet from where we were standing.  Really dude?

Still, phenomenal trip.

I'm still really pissed at the bailout.  The thing I think that not enough people are saying (not enough people that can influence the decision anyway) is that the reason this call is being made is because our leaders are scared to tell Americans that we have to change the way we live.  From the top down, over the last 30 years, we've been living over our means.  We've borrowed and spent and borrowed some more.  This isn't just Wall Street, it's everyone.  It's the developers that continued to throw up McMansions, it's banks that frivolously lending, and people borrowing more than they could pay back, it's universities inflating tuition forcing people to borrow some more, it's US car companies refusing to plan for a future, but most of all, it's a lack of willingness to change our life styles.  God forbid anyone (meaning a politician) points the finger at us and says: 'you are living irresponsibly.  And it's time for a change.  We'll all be better off in the long run if you make a few sacrifices now.'  

This can't happen in today's climate.  One thing liberals and conservatives have in common these days is a place to put blame.  Each side has a boogeyman it can point to and say: 'Here's why we're fooked'.  Gone are the days of 'ask not what your country can do for you.'  We'll sit here now as this enormous band aid gets syphoned out of our pockets and pat ourselves on the head and tell ourselves that everything is OK now.  Well it isn't.  In years past, liberals would always want to blame the system for the failings of individuals and conservatives would always choose to blame the individuals, well, right now both sides would be right.

Quick Article

Great piece written very clearly on the Wall Street Crisis:

Washington Post Op-Ed piece.

The Bailout is Bullsh*t

This is political I guess.  Sorry, but it's important to me.  Giddyup.

This market bailout by the federal government is good in the short term (as evidenced by the 2 day rebound of stock prices on Wall Street which pretty much erased the losses earlier in the week).  Confidence is back.  Good old Uncle Sam to the rescue.  Here's what it really means:

With the money that you and I (probably you because I'm a poor comic) put into the federal government was used to erase horribly irresponsible fiscal behavior.  This is beyond debate.  Lots of smart folks saw this credit crisis coming years ago, some saw it recently, whatever the case, enough people knew this was coming to have prevented a national and international financial crisis for the US.

Take The Economist, in 2005, they called the housing bubble bursting because it was obvious to them, even then, because people were borrowing beyond their means, lenders were lining up ('when banks compete you win!'  Heard that slogan before?) to toss money at anyone who wanted it, and the market was so inflated, a collapse was imminent.  They also said this would lead to a wave of 'failures'.  Yup.

There are more but this is not an I told you so.  What it really is, at its core, is an old boys club trying to stay on their surfboards as the latest wave lines their pockets, increases their margins, and keeps them rich.  Long term fiscal solvency, once a staple of Wall Street giants like Lehman Brothers, was cashed in long ago.  No one went against the tide.  It's easy to say they should have known better.  Even if I did know better, I am not paid for that knowledge.  There are people who's job it is to predict things like this and if they did predict it, no one listened.

Now, here is why this government bailout is wrong:

-It's corporate welfare.  You know how people complain about 'white collar criminals' serving easy sentences when they stole millions and regular criminals doing hard time because they robbed a grand from one person?  Where here you go.  The giants screw up, we pay.  Note that if said giant recovers and thrives, you and I will never see that money but that's secondary.

-The US has moved away from LBJ's social welfare state.  We're not in the business of saying, 'Hey you screwed up, here are all your losses back and some money to start again'.  It's about risk.  Where are the FDIC bailouts for small businesses and a nearly extinct middle class?  It's silly right?  Guy opens a bar, the bar fails because he charged $.50 per beer, he gets all his money back from the government.  That would never happen right?  

-It's obvious to those of you that are politically oriented that I'm a fiscal conservative.  To that end, I have always believed the greatest factor in economics is consumer confidence.  If people feel like they are getting value, they spend and all is well.  Now in the short term, we've got that with the bailout.  I'd trade the short term high five party for a dependable market long term.  We have literally put a finger in the damn with a 1000 leaks and are calling the problem fixed.  Once we wake up after the weekend, no one can afford to fill up their gas tanks, homes are still being foreclosed at record rates and we're paying more for less.

-Philosophically, I loathe government intervention to make up for irresponsible behavior.  In the same way I hate the idea of someone receiving more welfare for more poor decisions, I hate the idea of Wall Street cronies who've cost the nation billions so they can go back to business as usual, getting bailed out.  This is a slippery slope people.  Alarms should be going off as this happened on a conservative president's watch (albeit that watch was blindfolded, drunk, and locked in a basement with loud sitar music blaring).  

-Here's the last thing I'll say about this.  Confidence and hope are great things.  They really are.  But would you rather build a house of cards or one made of steel that was hard to build?  Right now, we're choosing the card house.  We'd rather people feel good about themselves then do the right thing for the long term health of our country.  I find this step taken by our government to be a slap in the face to the thousands of Americans who are scraping to get by.   The market was crashing and we fixed it... for now.  

Spoiled

That's how I feel right now.  I counted it up and I did 13 sets in 10 days when I was out west in Seattle and Vancouver.  My comedy experiences in both cities was just incredible.

Seattle: This is a true comedy community.  The story, the basic one that is, goes like this.  The big club in town wasn't run very well.  The manager wasn't great about local talent and generally left a lot to be desired.  So instead of competing with each other for a few scraps from the table, the comics came together and worked their butts off.  They started their own scene, worked out deals with venues and sponsors, and really started something special.  Their shows draw GREAT comedy crowds and it was fantastic to perform out there.  Now, the Peoples Republic of Komedy is a brand name that has carved out a permanent home in Seattle.  It's big enough that they have their own section in an enormous festival that features acts from all across the country.

They took hold of their own comedy destiny.  I met a bunch of fabulous comics out there that are products of this great scene.  The amount of work they put in is staggering compared to the meager efforts that guys like me have ever done.  Really inspiring.  My final thought on this is that no one out there would ever sh*t on guys like Curt Schackelford; someone that gives stagetime should be supported.  Even if a majority of the comics don't like the way he books/runs his room, he has created a viable scene outside of the Club Monopoly.  This is super important.

Vancouver: One of the most beautiful cities in the world.  The comedy club is perfect.  Seriously.  It's a perfect club.  It was designed for comedy and it is the most fun place to work ever.  The worst night there this past weekend is still better than anywhere else I've worked.  I spent each day walking around outside taking in some badass scenery.  They have it all: mountains, beach, river/bay/ocean, great architecture, and green space.  Also, the club has popcorn that you can snack on.  Popcorn.

Why don't you just move there Danny?  You want to know why?  Because the coins matter.  I hate change (and not just things being altered, I do get uncomfortable with things being different).  I cannot stand it.  I hate coins.   I hate keeping track of them, dealing with them, and using them.  In Canada, like Europe, they have dollar coins.  They also have 2 dollar coins.  2!  So annoying.  You could be holding 9$ in coins and barely even know it.  I cannot keep track of them and that's why I could never live in Canada.  Is that the only reason?  Yes.  100%.  That's it and it is beyond negotiation.

Back in NYC now.  Got some stuff coming up.  Look for some new podcasts soon.  Should be fun.

Bumbershoot...It's Gone

Awesome.  What a great f-ing time I had here in Seattle, the windy apple.  They have a good scene out here and it was really cool to be welcomed so readily.  I would encourage the DC scene to act accordingly.  A bunch of guys came in from NY and LA and the Seattle guys welcomed us with open arms.  We got to perform on incredible shows in front of packed houses.  I hope to acquire some video documenting these things.

For the fest itself, it is superbly run.  All the comedy shows were sold out, people could afford to attend them, and the shows themselves were run effectively by people that know comedy.  Our show, Sweet Haven, was a juggernaut of happy.  Everyone had great sets, the running sketch was a home run, and the crowd loved us.  We had people coming up to us into the next day telling us how much fun they had.  It felt great.  Every comic should get the chance to have a great show in front of a packed out theater full of willing people.  It was like a gift.

I was able to get stage time at a club called Mainstage...which is unfortunately going out of business but that's not the point.  The point is, they didn't have to give me 2 sets and they did.  Cool people over there.

I'm off to Vancouver on Thursday to work my favorite club in the world, the Vancouver Yuk Yuk's.  This place is a comedy machine.  I can't wait.

NYC, prepare for my homecoming on Sunday.

NFL starts Thursday.  My Skins are a 5-11 team.  We'll see if they finish that way.