Answering and Moving On

Yesterday, Brian asked me why I hate Virginia Tech in a comment. I shall enumerate those reasons forthwhith:

1) They were our rivals in college

2) When we played there, I was heckled in a way that was beyond the scope of human understanding. I am a heckler, a great one in fact, so I can appreciate a good heckle. Many schools had some good ones: South Carolina, Stetson, Xavier, and Duquesne to name a few. Do some research, have a little background or pick out trends in the game. Its open season and I've got no problems. At Tech, they have a different view. 3 fat guys wearing overalls and no shirts, carrying a metal can to spit tobacco juice in, and confederate flag hats emerged from one of the many silos on campus and sauntered down to the baseball diamond and screamed things like the following:

"Hey 14 (my number), you're a fag!"
"Hey 14, why don't you go cry to your girlfriend...the shortstop...Fag!"
"Hey 14, you have a big nose, rosey cheeks and you're a fag!"

All gems. As it turned out, we took 2/3 that weekend and I'm not going to tell you who got the Conference player of the week award because its arrogant to mention things about yourself.

3) We made a pitstop on the bus ride down. We go inside a convinience store to purchase goods. The store clerk asks me:

-"Y'all a team?"
Me: "Yes sir."
-"Y'all playin' the Ho'wkies?"
Me: "yes sir."
-"Y'all gon' lose."

4) At sporting events, Virginia Tech fans bring turkey gobblers. They shake them at every opportunity and it makes on of the 5 most annoying sounds on record at an extraordinary volume. They do this with alarming frequency.

5) During football games on 3rd downs and other big plays, and during basketball games in the final seconds or during free throws, the clever Tech fans jiggle keys...because its a 'key situation'. I'm not kidding.

6) Everywhere they go, they refer to it as 'Tech'. Most VA residents refer to it as 'safety school'.

7) The school has no allegiance or sense of loyalty. They have changed conferences 3 times in the last 10 years always trying to 'better deal' themselves and screwing over whomever they leave behind.

8) On campus, in casual conversations, racial slurs are standard and inventive.

9) The Confederate Flag is also standard.

10) They are exactly what people want to fix when it comes to college sports. They are (to quote 'The Program') a 'football vocational school'. Michael Vick still hasn't been to a class there.

11) A Hokie is the single worst mascot ever. Its a fierce turkey and any Tech fan will go into the history of it completely unsolicited. (Note, school nicknames that require explanations are young. Washington, DC Affluent Neighborhood University has such a name..."You see, Hoya Saxa is latin in its etimology...it actually means 'What Rocks'...hahahaa" (Thurston Howell III laughter at a cocktail party where there are several bow ties and everyone there should be punched)

12) Every 'Tech' story involves how drunk someone got for under $10.

13) The uniform colors are amongst the most abhorrent in the history of sport. It looks like what a wild turkey might throw up if it went through garbage cans at a frat house. Which is what gave the athletic department the idea for the colors.

There's my list. Right off the top of my head. I may add to it at a later date. Blogger is giving me flack so I can't put up pictures right now. I had a few visual aids to demostrate some of the terribleness. Anyway, thanks for asking Brian!

I had fun last night on stage. I did some time at Rendezvous in Adams Morgan and then at Dremos in Arlington. It was hot but people braved the heat. I think I re-discovered something that was missing...