Bal'mer

To culminate a wondrous weekend where countless amounts of kindesses were bestowed upon me by my special lady friend (Thanks again para todos!), I attended a Baltimore Orioles game on Sunday. They played the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.

Several points:

1) Tampa Bay should not be a major league team. We need to adopt some kind of rule or system like the English Premier Soccer League has where if you finish at the bottom, you go to a lower division. Seriously. Bad town, bad ownership (new guy is better but the ship is already taking too much water), bad team, no fan support, and one of the worst stadiums in the history of pro sports.

2) The Baltimore Orioles, a once proud franchise, have been run into the ground by one of the 5 worst owners in the history of professional sports (not an exaggeration. Borderline subversive behavior in his attempts to ruin baseball in DC), Peter Angelos, attorney at law. He has made the Baltimore GM job the worst job in pro sports today. When asked if he was interested in moving back home to the post, current Arizona Diamondbacks GM Josh Byrnes said: 'Absolutely not, you'd have to be crazy to take that job.' It is sad to see really. The stadium alone used to draw 40,000 a night. But now, all that good will is gone as one superstar (Tejada) and 2 nice young players (Brian Roberts (who I hate because he told on my former teammate when he and some other guys went out after a game) and Nick Markakis) with a bunch of non-major league ready kids and some re-treads to fill in roster spots. Really sad. No future there either for a while.

3) You see things in Baltimore it's hard to imagine seeing almost anywhere else. There is so much jort in Baltimore. Tons. Jorts (jean shorts) are beat. Chicks can wear them if it's pulled off right but it is risky. Black dudes seem to be able to rock them well but even then it can be questionable. White dudes sporting jorts is always young. Always. Terrible look to have those baggy jorts that go to mid shin to reveal some pale skin before you get to some kind of awkward chuck taylors/basketball shoes/sketchers/sneakers. Most efficient way to spot wrash (white trash) is the jort. I say again that there is so much jort in Baltimore

4) You also see some other strange things in Baltimore. The classic 'Jerry Springer' couple where a skinny dude with some kind of cut-off shirt, tattoos, and a NASCAR/way too many colors hat is with a heavy girl who is too loud. So there are elements of redneckery here.

5) This has lead me to try and quantify what we are dealing with here. You clearly have redneck elements but they are not country folks living in rural areas which is what 'redneck' connotes. They also exhibit some bastardized 'hip hop' style dress, behavior, and lexicon. I have decided that dudes like this, in Baltimore and other places where it occurs, shall be known as 'Urban Rednecks' - Urbanecks - 'U-necks'

Whammy. U-necks. Mark it down. Great term by me.