Scattered Thoughts of a Humorist

I'm going to Richmond this afternoon for the purposes of coaching young men. This should be joyous. Random thoughts...now

1) There are a couple people that I think are hilarious. I love watching them do well at a show. But, its twice as fun for me to watch Larry Poon and Jon Mumma bomb. I realize this kind of makes me a deuche, but I'm cool with it. These guys are both my friends and both are funny as hell but I'm telling you there is nothing like watching a crowd that just flat out doesn't get Larry Poon's act. Watching him do his thing and then watching them get confused is worth a thousand smiles. Concurrently (ooooohhhhhhh, GMAT word b*tches), watching Mumma deal with a bad crowd is hilarious a well. Its hard to explain but I encourage everyone to go see him and the purposefully not laugh to see what happens...I'm kidding.

2) Are there actually any elements of sand in Sand Paper? Or is it just coarse paper that no one knows where to store in their house and then they can't find it when they need it?

3) When hockey was struggling the past couple years during the NHL lockout, why didn't lacrosse try and step up and get recognized as the 4th major sport? Probably, its because lacrosse players are in charge of lacrosse and lack that sort of...intelligence to read words and understand concepts beyond roll dodges and ripping rope and talking about how 'sick' someone is. Some of my best friends were lax guys and the best thing that has happened to them is they have outgrown the lax culture and become humans. Tightness.

4) I hate the fashion industry. They need an outside consultant to come in and just say: "are you serious?" once every 3 months.

5) I love the Redskins so much.

6) Jeff Maurer is really really funny. I am jealous of him.

7) Mumma and I did an audition for a show on HGTV. Suffice to say, if they don't pick Mumma, they are foolish. He is literally made for this show.

8) Bagels are incredible. They are so good to eat. Why are they so good? What is different about them than other kinds of breaded things?

9) The X games happened last week. Did anyone notice this?

10) I watched an episode of Last Comic Standing last night. Terrible. Next person to tell me I should go on there...well, nothing will happen really as I'm too much of a pu$$y to stand up to a stranger and say anything other than: 'Thanks'. The dudes on there were getting applause breaks for mediocre jokes. Frustrating.

11) Would you rather be a jedi or a wizard?

12) Coffee is an incredible invention.

13) One of the biggest oversites in the history of pornographic films is the lack of a parody of Saved by the Bell.

14) Without checking, name the 5 best men's tennis players you can think of. When did mennis (men's tennis) become so irrelevant?

15) I should be commisioner of baseball for 1 calendar year. The game would be humming along if I had the reigns. I would convince the owners to think long term for once and everyone would be happy.

16) I played softball recently. Enjoyable. We started with a 1-1 count. Why not just make it 2 strikes for a strikeout and 3 balls for a walk.

17) The greatest living actor is either Robert Dinero or Kevin Spacey.

18) I do not understand the appeal of wine. It tastes like spoiled grapes. People drink it because they think they are supposed to.

19) Vace makes incredible pizza.

20) I am going through a period right now where I am really enjoying the music of Kenny Loggins, Phil Collins, and Journey.

Have a good weekend.