Super Bummed

Last night, when I rode the train home from the UCB Theater in NYC, I encountered a different situation. (as a side, I spell Theater...like that. They spell it 'Theatre'. That just doesn't look right to me. Thee-tree or The-ah-trey...That's what it looks like. Is it funny? Is that why? I don't get it. I'm not judging. Just saying. Ok, back to the topic)

I took the E train home from the 23rd street stop. The only reason I mention this is that sometimes, and it is ALWAYS a mystery to me as to when it happens, certain subway trains will mysteriously run on different lines, not run, skip stops, or generally make unexpected moves. You have to be on your toes. Usually, to get home from 23rd and 8th Ave, I take the 'A C E' to West 4th then change to the 'F V' and get out at 2nd Ave or Delancey street depending on my mood.

99.99999% of the time, if I did not transfer (as I forgot to do once a few weeks back), the 'A C E' will take you right down to the financial district or 'no where close to my apartment'. Well last night, as we approached the West 4th street station, the conductor came on and said 'hmhmh hmhmhmhmh, hmhmhm, vmvmhvmvhm...customers should....vmhmhvmmvvhvmuuuuummmmvhvhv 2nd avenue...once again...vhmvhvmhvhmvhmvhvhvmhvhmv...exit the train....'

It was at this point that I looked around, a bit concerned because I had no idea what dude said or what it meant for me. We pull into West 4th and most of the peeps get off the train. I say....screw it. Let's get ballsy. Let's see if this bad boy goes to 2nd Ave. I stay on. Know who else stayed on? 4 homeless dudes. All spread out on my car on the train. 4 homeless dudes and me. Fine. No problem. 1 dude, closest to me begins to mutter. No problem.

Another dude, head down occasionally twitching. No problem.

Twitchy Mcjitters wakes up and begins to mutter. No problem.

Then it gets weird. I'm suddenly aware that every one of these homeless dudes has a sandwich. I first hypothesize that they came from some kind of shelter where they give out sandos. I examine further and ever sandwich was different. They were all wrapped differently. One guy had chips even. All these homeless dudes, almost at the exact same moment, begin to eat sandwiches on a train that is not going to the place it normally goes. Weird.

The dude farthest down the car from me was really into his sandwich experience. He was dripping crumbs everywhere. The uppity side of me was a little annoyed because when you do that, it attracts rodents to the trains. The rest of me called that side me a douche and wanted to know what would happen next. Now, you have to picture this scene. Everything is surreal.

Dude goes: "MUTHA F*CKIN SANDWICH....MUTHA F*CKIN SANDWICH DELICOUS!"

I did one of those bursts of laughter things then quickly composed myself for fear of possible interaction. Luckily, the train that could be going anywhere, went to my stop and was breaking so he didn't hear me laugh at him.

Quick note: the homeless dudes just sat on the train after it stopped. The conductor and NYC transit folks kept saying: 'Last stop. Everyone needs to be off the train.' They didn't move. I wonder if they stay on the trains all night and just ride around? Maybe it's a warmth thing in te winter time? I won't claim to know. I do know that dude had a delicious sandwich.

Watch my show on Animal Planet! Friday night at 9:30.