Seattle and Some Thoughts

It's been a while.  That's my fault.  Here's what I have going on and some thoughts in a quick hit style:

-I'm going to Seattle tomorrow for the Bumbershoot Festival.  I'm really excited to perform out there.  I've become friends with some Seattle guys and the scene sounds really cool.  I'm also excited to drink coffee.

-I bought a Mac.  I bought it out of anger.  I got so mad at my Dell laptop that I went online and bought the Macbook I'm using now.  Note: it's awesome.  One upgrade I put in was to increase the RAM to 4G instead of the standard 2G.  I love speed.  It's the most important thing to me by far.  I'm sure there is a pretty hard and fast rule about 'purchasing major things out of anger'.  Whatevs.

-Just wanted to make a quick comment on my buddy Joe Robinson no longer being employed by 98 Rock.  Joe as handled this situation with nothing but class.  While Joe was there, he was an enormous asset to local comics.  His show was a great place for guys to showcase themselves in an environment where guys 'got it'.  Along with his partner Theo, Joe created a phenomenal outlet for comics to entertain a radio audience.  He facilitated, put in more than he got back, and sacrificed whatever he had to in order for the show to work.  I can tell you 1st hand experience from being down in Cancun with the show that it was really good.  It's a shame (and Joe has covered this on his blog) that the show was probably doomed from the start.  But everyone should know that it was no fault of Joe's.  

-I'm also excited to go back to my favorite comedy club on Earth, the Vancouver Yuk Yuks.  I'm there the week after Bumbershoot

-Sweet Haven (the NY show I'm involved in) will be on hiatus for a month or so until we all get back from out west.  We were going strong at Rififi until it closed and now we are back at square one searching for a venue.  It's hard.  Not impossible, just hard.

-I did a show at a new club last night.  The crowd was small but I actually had a good time with them.  It was one of those shows where, in years past, I might have dropped my energy and mailed it in so I didn't look foolish.  I didn't do that which gave me some satisfaction.  It's the biggest thing I struggle with so it's exciting to feel like I've grown as a comic.

-I'm really disappointed in Obama's choice of Biden.  It was a move, in my mind that was not indicative of his campaign to this point.  It reeks of 'over thinking'.  To me, it looked like a move to win Pennsylvania as Biden is from Scranton and is known as the 3rd PA Senator.  While that doesn't seem terribly flawed, Biden has been in Washington for 36 years.  He is an inside the beltway man.  This is in conflict with the 'change we can believe in' mantra.  Biden is a business as usual limousine liberal which doesn't go with what Obama has presented to this point.  Biden does have TONS of foreign policy experience which could be an asset but it looks like a panic move.  'What is the criticism against us? That we don't have experience. OK, get someone with experience'  Kaine or Bayh.  Don't play down to your opponent.  You don't change who you are because of who you are going against, you play your game.  It worked in the primary bruh.  You beat the bitch with the energy of your volunteers, new voters, a simple message, and better strategy.  

-I also believe that Biden will cost Obama at some point.  He is prone to spouting off and saying inappropriate things.  He is also a well documented plagiarist.  Does it bode well that the Repubs are happy with the selection?  Don't forget that Biden said: 'I don't think he's ready' during the primaries.  I don't see this partnership working well.

-I also think McCain is about to make the same kind of mistake with Mitt Romney.  Attempting to win some support in Michigan and appealing to the conservative base.  Just be the maverick, pick Lieberman and be who you are.  My boy attorney Jon also suggested Kay Bailey Hutchinson who might help bring the evilbitch Dems over to McCain's side.

-That's what I got for now.  Thanks for reading.

Peoples Republic of Komedy Radio Blog

PROK TALK.

Here it be:

Sweet Haven is Weekly Starting in July!

It's because we brought it. What.

Stay tuned for updates.

Sweet Haven on Sunday

Check it. It's going to be amazing:

The B*tch Is Back

She never left I guess. In fact, she won't leave. I hate her. God I hate her so much. I'm not saying her name because I don't want the google ads on the page to appear so that anyone reading will be tempted to go to her dumb website. I will just say that her name ryhmes with Shmillary Flinton and she should be taken to a far away location.

I try to be a pretty understanding guy; meaning, I always like to argue 'the devil's advocate' position or attempt to identify with an opposing viewpoint (as a side, I know I'm stubborn/obstinate/obtuse, I'm just saying that even in my convictions, I can often understand where the counters are...even if they are wrong and my beliefs empirically correct). That said, I literally cannot see how someone can support this woman. Shmillary tops herself every week. This information isn't just for insiders, it's available to the public.

Take the Michigan/Florida gong shows for example.

Both states were upset that the initial primary states (New Hampshire/Iowa/South Carolina) had too much influence. They wanted their states to be in the national conversation. This is a valid concern. It is. Because the 1st states have to be first, we now start our primary season in January. Absurd. It takes way too long. And why should these select states have this arbitrary huge influence while states like Michigan and FLA are afterthoughts? This is a great debate. Just not for right now.

The Democratic Party (via the DNC) of which Shmillary Flinton said again last night that she is 'COMMITTED' to, voted to strip MI and FL of their delegate votes if they moved up their primaries. The states did so the DNC did what they said they would do. All the candidates involved in the primary who are able to gain a platform because of the Democratic party agreed to remove their names from the ballot...except for that absolute snake Shmillary Flinton who in her black and evil heart knew that she might be able to twist the crusade of each state that has a legitimate beef with the current system into some kind of leverage for her campaign to suck all the life out of the universe. So there we were, sighting flighty stats like exit polls and 'voter intent', Shmillary's people are asking for the rules to be changed after the game ended. Amazing.

I bet you want an analogy to elucidate this. Well giddyup.

A major league baseball game is played. The visiting team loses 5-4. The visiting team, after the game is over files a protest with major league baseball, not that the home team cheated mind you but something to the effect of 'the distance of 90 feet between the bases is arbitrary. Why not 89 ft or 95 ft?' Then, the visiting team wanted the base hits they got in batting practice to count for their final result in the game. No one else was on the field but those were good hits!!!!

I am still in shock that there was a compromise. Counting half the delegates was such a cop-out. It was just a way to say: 'Look Shmillary, we gave you something' because they knew she would still ultimately lose....or would she?

She still can't say it. She asked for $ last night. She is trying to decide how to angle for the VP nomination or to run as an independent after using the Democratic party for the last several years. She repeats her '18 million votes' total every chance she gets. If she is the VP nominee, I will not vote for Obama. Period. She needs to go away...like to hell where they have lots of sniper fire and pandering. I f*cking hate her more than I hate social injustice, fear, excessive heat and when girls respond to game from terrible dudes named 'Wynn' or 'Yardley'.

GO AWAY!

PS. In case you wondering who the picture is of, it's how I picture Shmillary Flinton. It's an immortal inherently evil being named Morgoth for Middle Earth. Sauron was a captain in his army as Morgoth ruled the free peoples of Middle Earth in the darkest age in the history of the world. I used this photo because I couldn't find one of 'Ungoliant' the wicked giant spider that spins darkness from her foul womb to cover the world in sadness.

Wednesday of '05

I was trying to think of something to write about today and decided to go over some old blogs for inspiration. I came across this piece and had an amazing time recalling the event that inspired it:

Its from September of '05:

Mexican Restaurants and Dremos

Stunning. That is the only word I can think of to describe the show I did Sunday night. I did a Christian Comedy night at a Mexican restaurant in Germantown. I could not make that up. There was gospel music playing before the show started and the intro I had to memorize for the headliner went just like this: "Here she is, all the way from Springfield, VA. She's here to bless you. Please put your hands together and praise the lord... ____________ (her name)"

She then sang some gospel music and the people loved it. No one in the place liked my jokes. The very nice lady who put the show together promised the crowd that none of the comics would make fun of the audience. After my jokes drew zero laughs, I resorted to making fun of the audience. There was a freshman in high school there and I gave him the tools to be the most popular kid in class for at least one day. His dad was cool and laughed at the appropriate times so he really stood out.

I called out one guy because he wouldn't clap and made it so awkward that he had no choice but to clap. I won. One of the comics ate a piece of chicken on stage and then did hurricane jokes. I will recommend him to the Boston Comedy Festival. Zing! It still hurts goddamnit.

End old post.

This was shortly after I had been bounced right out of the Boston Comedy Festival in the 1st round. The chick that won on that show was just terrible. And yet...I went back the next year. Good call.

Back to the Christian show. I mean wow. I had totally forgotten about this. What an astounding event. This lady didn't really tell jokes. I don't really know how to describe it. Here's a loose recollection of something she might have said:

"y'all know when them boys is outside...them little boys outside just gettin' dirty...y'all know you be freakin' out...good lord have mercy praise his name you be freakin' out...you be in that house losin' yo' mind girl...'I know you ain't comin' in the house with mud on them shoes!' Lord have mercy bless his holy name..."

I wish I remembered her name so that you could look it up. I didn't want to put it in the original post because it might have gotten back to her but I think the statue of limitations is up on that fear. But, I forget things. And yes, as I've mentioned before, I have ADD. Take that anonymous poster that hates me.

How Could Anyone Not Like You Jerry?

I've come to learn that there are some people that don't like me. For someone who's entire life, literally, is based on the acceptance of others, this is hard to take. I cannot stand it; repeat, cannot stand it, when I know someone doesn't like me. Even if I don't like that person, I am driven crazy if I perceive any dislike from said party.

Recently, I posted a guest blog on the really cool DC Comedy blog. The guys that run this blog do a great job of keeping content going and posting things (not always popular) that spawn discussion. My buddy sent out an email asking for some content. I had something on my mind so I threw it together and sent it off. I don't think it was the best written piece I've ever constructed but I felt like it was a decent expression of what I hoped would be a pretty simple message.

You can read the post and the wealth of angry responses here. The comments are really interesting. Here's what typically happens on this site:

-Someone will post something that is thoughtful and worth discussing. It may not be a popular stance or opinion but it is usually well thought out and from a comic with a valuable perspective.
-Some will agree or disagree
-An anonymous person will attack the person/blog with things that have very little to do with the posting.
-The poster or others that have commented will engage in a written feud with this anonymous person that goes on for a day or two until a new post goes up

That's pretty much what happened when I put up my post. The anonymous commenter (or at least one of them) clearly knows me. He/she also clearly does not like me. The anger in the comments is clear. My point (again, I wish I was more eloquent and clear in my writing) was that it's easy to blame others about why you are not getting the stagetime/shows you want. I see that as selfish and an easy way out. I encourage comics to make their own opportunities because we are not owed anything. Complaining about the manner in which someone books a show is a waste of time as it is that person's show. He/she books the way they book. A booker can book however they want. They can book terribly (often the norm) or they can book great. Either way, they (bookers) do not owe comics anything. We are dependent upon them. My contention is that we have to find a way to make our own breaks instead of complaining about the way that a person runs his/her room.

One possibility is that the anonymous person is a friend of mine who is doing an amazing job f-ing with me. The other, and the possibility that I believe, is that this person really doesn't like me. Something about me and/or this site so drives this person to such levels of anger, that he/she has no choice but to make the harshest comments possible. I refused to get into the kind of digital shouting match that quickly devolves into the 'why don't you kill yourself f@ggot!?!?' It was just incredible to me to watch this play out.

There are some who assumed I was directing the post at specific targets and because I didn't specify anyone, was 'calling out' certain guys. Confusing? I don't get it either.

The thing that gets me I guess is how quickly this devolved. I tried to say, 'stop feeling sorry for yourself and go make it happen'. Somehow, it meant I was calling everyone a hack, telling newbies to quit, and had never offered a kind word to anyone in my 4.5 years of struggling as a comic in an area that is really tough for comics to make it big in. I won't waste any more space responding to these kind of shots because it can only come across as defensive. I'd just offer that I disagree.


That's it and that's all.

Sweethaven Bootleg Video

We snuck a camera into the 1st Sweethaven Show at Rififi. This Zapruda like footage captures some of the absurdity.

Specter on Spygate...How About Seattle Bruh!

Am I satisfied with the investigation...I said no, no, no.

Try to make me believe its over...I say no, no, no.

Sen A Specter from PA is not cool with how the NFL handled this whole thing. Know what? Neither am I. I'm just not stoked to go federal on this piece. The real issue here is that pro sports leagues, despite the big words and demonstrative speaches, have dwindling accountability. They are the only 'game' in town and that's how they behave. I think this is the larger issue here. Forget Spygate (actually don't. I couldn't believe how easy the despicable Pats got off. And it's not just the video stuff; they thumb their noses at league rules and no one says squat).

If it takes the federal government to bring some accountability to pro sports, then I guess it has to happen. To me, this whole Spygate thing is way down the list of important things. What is happening in Seattle, with a criminal group of billionaires robbing the city of a team is a far more critical issue. That's where Congress should be stepping in. Interstate commerce and such. Another place I'd like to see some action is that if a team, as judged by an independent commission (I'd be on it with some other people) went 4 straight years without really trying to get better or made more than 2 indefensible trades, the franchise would immediately go to someone else with the owner not being allowed to profit.

Now listen, no one loves justice for scumbags more than I do. I'm a huge fan of Roger Clemens getting taken to the woodshed, of Barry Bonds going to jail, and of the Pats losing in the Super Bowl and the Eagles never winning one (zinger). It just sucks that it takes Congressional hearings for us to get some sense of accountability from sports leagues that hold us hostage.

Bonds and Balboa

Here's what I got:

Barry Bonds' indictment was refined today. Not sure why this is news exactly. Basically, the original indictment wasn't clear and the grand jury today made it more clear...clearly.

Here's a link to the actual indictment. I only link to it because I've never actually seen an indictment. My contention is that the indictment is the most underrated part of the criminal process.

Everybody knows about the trial. People are familiar with the sentencing; that carries a lot of weight. Arraignments are popular; like 'so and so was arraigned'...his wife was a sh*t show at the arraignment. The arraignment is cool because it's basically the legal equivalent of: 'Here's why I'm pissed at you...so what do you think'.

The indictment is a little different. To me, it carries a little more punch. Listen bruh, a bunch of us got together, we shared some stuff with this judge and then this group of people over here...and we're pretty sure we're taking you to the woodshed...legally.

In other news, I watched Rocky Balboa today. It was really bad. Breaks my heart. It really does. I love Rocky I-IV. Love. I will watch 3 or 4 to the end if they come on tv. Always. Everytime. It just kills me that this is allowed to happen. Stop. Seriously. I watched because it exists...but I'm still a bit annoyed. One side note, the dude from Heroes (you should see him pictured right behind Rocky) that has tons of powers is in this movie. That's it. I like Heroes.

This brings me to another thing. Indiana Jones. I'm going to see it because Indiana Jones is awesome. Is the new one going to make me irritated? I hope not. I also wish, sincerely, that it was never made. The original 3 kick so much arse that I wish there was no chance that this new one could stink. Frustrating.

Sweethaven on Sunday

Biggest premier comedy show in the history of comedy shows. This Sunday, Mother's Day, minds will be blown.

Doors open 7:30

Admission $5

Be there.

Soundwave is Back!!!!

Video #2, produced by my boy Gabe Uhr is online. Giddyup:





I'm in a dark place...

Messed Up In Mexico

I'm back. Wow. What an absurd week down in Cancun with 98Rock. I had a phenomenal time. Thanks to everyone at 98 Rock who made it possible. It was great to hang out with the on air people as well as the behind the scenes folks that really make everything go. Great bunch of people and it was a joy to be a part.

I don't have enough energy just yet to write about everything that happened. Here is the basic summary of my day while I was down at Dreams Cancun Resort and Spa.

5 AM- Wake up, walk downstairs to the broadcast cabana for the morning show with Mickey, Amelia, and Spiegel.

9 AM - Go eat breakfast at the buffet.

10 AM - try to take a nap.

12 PM- Stop at the cabana and do a couple of breaks with Sarah (the hottest 55 year old woman of all time. Seriously.)

1:00 PM - Sneak down to the beach and relax

1:30 PM - Meet for lunch with the Theo & Joe to prep for the night show.

3 PM - start the night show broadcast

8 PM- finish our last break, go back up to the room and shower the day of filth of myself.

8:45 PM -Go grab some dinner, a bit of booze, and hang out with the 98 Rock folks and some listeners.

11 PM - Return to the room and crash.

Repeat.

98 Rock has podcasted a ton of the stuff we did down there in case you missed it the first time. Some great stuff is online at: http://www.98online.com/pages/music_podcasting_view.aspx?channel_id=126

Lots to choose from.

Thanks again to 98 Rock and Rob Maher for making an incredible week possible.

Cancun with 98 Rock

Next week, you can hear my amazing speaking voice on 98 rock. We'll be broadcasting from an astounding resort in Cancun. I am so lucky to be able to go on this trip. I have a great time whenever I go and hang out at 98 Rock and to be able to go on a once in a lifetime trip like this is truly phenomenal. It's going to be a blast. How do I know it will? It will be a blast because 'the work' is being on the radio. That's something I do for fun.

I can't wait. Check us out all week long.

Life Expectancy of the Ladies

This story from the Washington Post:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/04/21/AR2008042102406.html?hpid=topnews

Interesting stuff. It basically says that the life expectancy for women in 1000 or so counties around the US, has gone down for the first time in 100 years. In 1918, there was a tough case with the Spanish Influenza. La influenza del Espana pretty much took American women (and everyone else) to the woodshed. The death rate was so high that it lowered the average age where people died. This would not be the last evil thing to come from Spain. It was shortly thereafter that a thing called 'tapas' came to the US and once again targeted women.

This bizarre concept of communal food sharing continues to plague our society to this day. If you are not familiar with this bizarre epidemic, read on. Chicks go to a restaurant on purpose where portions are small and overpriced. They then order several dishes and pass them around. Because the dishes are small, chicks do not feel like piggies when they clean all the plates. No one can be sure of how much each girl ate so there is less judgement. If Michelle ordered a normal portion of food at a restaurant, cleaned her plate, she'd be thought of as a fatty mcfattersons. At tapas, Michelle can blend in along with Mary Margaret, Jen, Sarah, Sara, Sierra and also Sarah B (that's what we call her because there are like so many Sarahs!). It doesn't end here. They also order expensive drinks like sangria and are always a little shocked when the bill comes. "Can we split this up equally on the 6 different cards?"

Worse yet, men are often dragged into the equation. There are 2 kinds of men in the world. Tapas dudes (metro-sexuals, guys who believe that it's cool to eat tapas and they want to be cool so they do it - these are the same guys that wear blazers to bars and take their game with ladies very seriously, homosexuals, brow-beaten boyfriends who can either go or get in an argument,
and guys that don't know what tapas is only to be stunned at the process and vow never to come back) and non tapas dudes. What will often occur is as follows:

-Men will decide on tight dishes (steak, chicken, seafood, potato...other hearty fare etc.)
-Chicks decide on untight dishes (kelp, seaweed, chick peas, sprouts, tofu, beets, cabbage, broccoli, radish, kale, squash, zucchini, okra, lentils, leek, shallots, artichoke, parsnip, skirret, turnip, parsnip, yacon, eggplant, soybean, fennel, celery, jicama...etc.)
-Food arrives. Dudes have no interest in untight dishes and seek to get full off of the limited portions of tight food.
-Chicks assume that everyone wants to share everything (deep down, they know...they have to know. Really? You thought I'd take a portion of the beet salad and the kale with shallots instead of the steak and mashed potatoes? Sure you did.). Dudes are forced to eat less tightness and try to eat the fish food. Chicks are happy because they didn't order 'fatty' things but got to eat them anyway. Dudes are miserable because they are still hungry, or the alternative is they have to order more food and are now into the restaurant for $100 because everyone should pay the same amount for that extra bottle of wine when you only had 1 beer.
-Dudes don't say anything because seggs is likely to follow.
-Chicks think this was a great outing

I know you see the correlation. You have to. Women are dying because of tapas....what's that? It's not...it's obesity?...No I know that but I was....no you're right....no I know it's not responsible reporting...I'm not actually a rep....no...OK...so it's smoking and fat people in rural areas that don't exercise?...So they needed a study to tell you that it's bad for you to...yeah I know...wow...get the peace prize ready...no that was a a joke...what do you mean you expect better from a comic?...real nice thing to say...yeah whatever....see you Christmas.

Don't do drugs or tapas.

Google and Me Are In a Fight

I have google ad sense. It's a pretty cool idea. What isn't cool sometimes is that GAS will toss up some things that are in direct contradiction to things that are good.

I'll give you an example. I hate clinton, hillary as much as I've ever hated someone I have never met. I am literally moved to anger every time I see that phony, 2 faced, panderer on tv. I clicked on my blog yesterday and there, at the top of the screen, was an ad to help clinton, hillary get elected president.

Really GAS? I know it's keyword driven but good heavens. I post something once every couple weeks about how terrible, slimy, untruthful and disastrous I think she is. I bet there will be another ad based on this post. Ugh. Maybe I can influence the ad? We'll see. Top of my head:

-Whitewater
-1st time a 1st lady subpoenaed/subject of criminal investigation
-Castle Grande real estate scam
-Evading prosecution by not being able to find documents for her days at Rose Law Firm for over 2 years until they were located by an intern in a White House office
-Her astounding conduct of having Bill release the extremist FALN terrorists that bombed a police precinct in New York. They were granted a pardon despite not asking for one so that clinton, hillary could carry favor with the latino vote in her upcoming New York senate campaign.
-The extraordinary #s of associates pleading guilty, refusing to testify, or fleeing the country
-plea agreement for illegal campaign finance
-Health Care policy failure
-Lying about being under fire in Bosnia
-Overstating her role in foreign policy events and taking credit for things that happened while she was alive

That was top of my head. I'm not doing any research. I shouldn't have to. So, let's go GAS! Me and you bruh!

Friday Late Show

That's the answer that Steve Martin gave when he was asked why he left standup. I felt like leaving standup this past Friday night around 1:30 AM.

Now, I had a great time at the Baltimore Comedy Factory this past weekend. Thanks to Mickey Cucchiella and Joe Robinson. Thursday night was good and the 1st 2 shows on Friday night were awesome. I got a miniature standing O (3 people) after my set on show 2. It was a blast. Then the late show happened. Ugh. Outstanding young comic (Peabo) Bryson Turner opened the show to awkward chatter, disinterest, and drunken stares. Nothing he could have done. These people were not going to give in.

I went up determined to do something to win them over. One of my weaknesses in comedy is when I don't feel energy from the audience, I lower my energy. I mail it in. I can feel myself doing it and it pisses me off like nothing else. It's a defense mechanism that someone ho is afraid to fail uses to not feel so bad about himself when he eats it. You can blame the crowd all you want but they paid. They don't have to do anything...and these people took advantage of that right. A group of people were talking the entire time, most just stared with a glassy eyed drunkeness that reminded me of walking through an opium den in Instanbul.

So what did I do? I lowered my commitment. I made cracks on the side about how annoying they were about not laughing at stuff. This is such BS. I hate it when comics do this and I hate it when I do it. It's this lame attempt to shift the blame. 'This is funny. It's your fault'. In sports, if you give everything you have and lose, you just got beat. If you don't do everything you can, get yourself into trouble, then blame the ref when something doesn't go your way, you're a b*tch. Well, I was a b*tch on Friday night. Was the crowd tough? Of course. Could I have done my material to the best of my ability and still bombed? Yup. Did I do a half-a$$ job then piss and moan for 20 minutes about how the crowd sucked? Sure did.

Still, that Friday late show was a challenge. It would have broken the spirit of a lot of people. It broke me and I am still ticked. In fact, my set the next night at the Hyatt was only so so as it was still in my head.

Back on the horse tonight tho. Come see me this Saturday at Comix. I'm doing the New Jacks Show. It's a good one that humans can enjoy.

Another Case Against Hillary

In my never ending quest to make sure that Hillary Clinton does not have any chance to win the presidency of the United States, here is yet another example of the horrendous character of this lying witch. Please note that you don't have to dig too hard to find countless other examples. Read and be informed.

The Tall Tale of TuzlaHillary Clinton's Bosnian misadventure should disqualify her from the presidency, but the airport landing is the least of it.

By Christopher Hitchens

The punishment visited on Sen. Hillary Clinton for her flagrant, hysterical, repetitive, pathological lying about her visit to Bosnia should be much heavier than it has yet been and should be exacted for much more than just the lying itself. There are two kinds of deliberate and premeditated deceit, commonly known as suggestio falsi and suppressio veri. (Neither of them is covered by the additionally lying claim of having "misspoken.") The first involves what seems to be most obvious in the present case: the putting forward of a bogus or misleading account of events. But the second, and often the more serious, means that the liar in question has also attempted to bury or to obscure something that actually is true. Let us examine how Sen. Clinton has managed to commit both of these offenses to veracity and decency and how in doing so she has rivaled, if not indeed surpassed, the disbarred and perjured hack who is her husband and tutor.

I remember disembarking at the Sarajevo airport in the summer of 1992 after an agonizing flight on a U.N. relief plane that had had to "corkscrew" its downward approach in order to avoid Serbian flak and ground fire. As I hunched over to scuttle the distance to the terminal, a mortar shell fell as close to me as I ever want any mortar shell to fall. The vicious noise it made is with me still. And so is the shock I felt at seeing a civilized and multicultural European city bombarded round the clock by an ethno-religious militia under the command of fascistic barbarians. I didn't like the Clinton candidacy even then, but I have to report that many Bosnians were enthused by Bill Clinton's pledge, during that ghastly summer, to abandon the hypocritical and sordid neutrality of the George H.W. Bush/James Baker regime and to come to the defense of the victims of ethnic cleansing.

I am recalling these two things for a reason. First, and even though I admit that I did once later misidentify a building in Sarajevo from a set of photographs, I can tell you for an absolute certainty that it would be quite impossible to imagine that one had undergone that experience at the airport if one actually had not. Yet Sen. Clinton, given repeated chances to modify her absurd claim to have operated under fire while in the company of her then-16-year-old daughter and a USO entertainment troupe, kept up a stone-faced and self-loving insistence that, yes, she had exposed herself to sniper fire in the cause of gaining moral credit and, perhaps to be banked for the future, national-security "experience." This must mean either a) that she lies without conscience or reflection; or b) that she is subject to fantasies of an illusory past; or c) both of the above. Any of the foregoing would constitute a disqualification for the presidency of the United States.

Yet this is only to underline the YouTube version of events and the farcical or stupid or Howard Wolfson (take your pick) aspects of the story. But here is the historical rather than personal aspect, which is what you should keep your eye on. Note the date of Sen. Clinton's visit to Tuzla. She went there in March 1996. By that time, the critical and tragic phase of the Bosnia war was effectively over, as was the greater part of her husband's first term. What had happened in the interim? In particular, what had happened to the 1992 promise, four years earlier, that genocide in Bosnia would be opposed by a Clinton administration?

In the event, President Bill Clinton had not found it convenient to keep this promise. Let me quote from Sally Bedell Smith's admirable book on the happy couple, For Love of Politics:

Taking the advice of Al Gore and National Security Advisor Tony Lake, Bill agreed to a proposal to bomb Serbian military positions while helping the Muslims acquire weapons to defend themselves—the fulfillment of a pledge he had made during the 1992 campaign. But instead of pushing European leaders, he directed Secretary of State Warren Christopher merely to consult with them. When they balked at the plan, Bill quickly retreated, creating a "perception of drift." The key factor in Bill's policy reversal was Hillary, who was said to have "deep misgivings" and viewed the situation as "a Vietnam that would compromise health-care reform." The United States took no further action in Bosnia, and the "ethnic cleansing" by the Serbs was to continue for four more years, resulting in the deaths of more than 250,000 people.

I can personally witness to the truth of this, too. I can remember, first, one of the Clintons' closest personal advisers—Sidney Blumenthal—referring with acid contempt to Warren Christopher as "a blend of Pontius Pilate with Ichabod Crane." I can remember, second, a meeting with Clinton's then-Secretary of Defense Les Aspin at the British Embassy. When I challenged him on the sellout of the Bosnians, he drew me aside and told me that he had asked the White House for permission to land his own plane at Sarajevo airport, if only as a gesture of reassurance that the United States had not forgotten its commitments. The response from the happy couple was unambiguous: He was to do no such thing, lest it distract attention from the first lady's health care "initiative."

It's hardly necessary for me to point out that the United States did not receive national health care in return for its acquiescence in the murder of tens of thousands of European civilians. But perhaps that is the least of it. Were I to be asked if Sen. Clinton has ever lost any sleep over those heaps of casualties, I have the distinct feeling that I could guess the answer. She has no tears for anyone but herself. In the end, and over her strenuous objections, the United States and its allies did rescue our honor and did put an end to Slobodan Milosevic and his state-supported terrorism. Yet instead of preserving a polite reticence about this, or at least an appropriate reserve, Sen. Clinton now has the obscene urge to claim the raped and slaughtered people of Bosnia as if their misery and death were somehow to be credited to her account! Words begin to fail one at this point. Is there no such thing as shame? Is there no decency at last? Let the memory of the truth, and the exposure of the lie, at least make us resolve that no Clinton ever sees the inside of the White House again.

Story Link: http://www.slate.com/id/2187780/pagenum/all/#page_start

Legos and Some Useful Software

Hey readers,

A couple things for your perusal. 1st, a buddy of mine living in San Fran has launched a really cool piece of software available through the interwebs. It's free and really useful. As I understand it, you can select data and a region of the world and that produces a real time, 3D, video of the data. Pretty awesome. Check out the website:

http://www.uuorld.com/

This may go down as the single biggest waste of time in human history. I cannot even fathom how long and difficult this must have been to create. My mind is boggled:



Shot for shot people.

Come see me at the Baltimore Comedy Factory on Thursday and Friday. Then, come and see me at the Bethesda Hyatt on Saturday night.

Bye.

New York Is Awesome

Here's why:

I went to a show on Saturday night. It's called 'The Drink at Work Show'. It's run by some cool people. It's at the downstairs lounge at Comix, which is a pretty cool club. Anyway, after a couple funny comics went up, the host said the following:

"OK, this next guy...well...you have literally seen him everywhere. He's been on Comedy Central, a bunch of movies, he had a show...you know what? He's just super awesome...please welcome Jim Gaffigan!"

Jim Gaffigan. In a room that holds 27 people, Jim Gaffigan rolled in and did new material. First off, if you don't know of this man, it's irresponsible. He has to be mentioned in any conversation about best comics today as well as best of all time. He was working on some new stuff. It was funnier than your new stuff. Not an insult.

At the end of the show, this group, closed it out. Huge treat for yours truly as I was a fan of them before I moved up here.

The more I'm here, the more it feels like I am in the right place.

Shooting yaeger with Yaweh...