My boy Dan became engaged recently. I am re-racking the post I wrote many moons ago when another friend of mine decided to only make kissy with one female forever. It still holds a lot of truth I think...Enjoy:
A Simple 12 Step Guide to Reacting to the News That Your Boy is Engaged
By Danny Rouhier
Phase 1: Disbelief - 38 seconds of silence with mouth open and expression like a 13 year old girl hearing about her friend giving out a calrissian to a junior in high school
Phase 2: Questions - the phrases: "Oh my God" and "are you kidding me?" and "that's unbelievable" are used for a 15 minute period
Phase 3: Reflection: the thought of "what does this mean for me?" is batted around. Respondent wonders how exactly this news affects him and what duties he may have. For deeper thinkers, their own place in the universe is analyzed and pondering of their own potential marital standing occurs. Further thought occurs analyzing other relationships and 'who will be next?'
Phase 4: Self Loathing- guilty feelings for phase 3 arise when respondent realizes the news is not about him.
Phase 5: Come to grips - "what's the bottom line here?" Respondent attempts to come to grips with the news in an effort to understand it, for the 'why' is a key element lost on the single 25 (now 27) year old with disposable income.
Phase 6: Jealousy - respondent feels a quick twinge of jealousy as he realizes that engaged person does not have to worry about kicking game to chicks and jumping through the irritating set of hoops necessary to procure intercourse.
Phase 7: Giggles - respondent laughs for a few seconds recalling Vince Vaughn's speech to Will Farrell about marriage from Old School and Will Farrell's speech to the relationship therapist about the waitress' underpants...her panties.
Phase 8: Re-focus- respondent realizes he has lost track of the real issue. Repeat Phase 2, begin Phase 3 and return anew to phase 2 for several minutes.
Phase 9: Frank Dialogue - respondent engages in conversation with others about the news. Phrases like: "dude, you knew this was coming" and "hey man, he's happy" are used.
Phase 10: Acceptance - respondent, upon completion of phase 9, says things like: "Yeah man, I guess you're right", "its so cool that he's happy"
Phase 11: F___ the system! - after Phase 2 again, respondent then gets upset at prices of engagement rings, the year long process of girls throwing their left hand around and the secretly jealous but outwardly happy faces other girls display at the sight of the condensed carbon, plus constant discussions of inane details of wedding plans that only matter to girls.
Phase 12: Realization and Self-Actualization - repeat phase 2, respondent realizes that bachelor party and actual wedding will be great parties and is once again at peace.
Congratulations Mike (Dan).
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Your website has a useful information for beginners like me.
»
Post a Comment