Socialism

I stink at being social with people. I am a hermity homebody that wants to go to a show, perform, then go home to play video games. I like my friends and e'reethang, but I don't have much fun in groups where I don't know people. Some of my boys are the opposite.net. My boy Michel for instance, you can drop that dude anywhere and within 48 seconds, he will have established a common ground and charmed the pants off of every person in the room. He likes it. Meeting new people is fun for him. Not me.

I don't know whether is social anxiety, laziness, a lack of patience or what. I do know that the biggest challenge I have faced since moving to New York to pursue comedy full time hasn't been the comedy...wait, did that just come off like: 'I know I'm amazing at comedy, it's not that. It's some other thing unrelated to my awesomeness...'? Fine. I'm amazing at comedy. Whatevs. Anyway, the hardest thing hasn't been performing. When I've gotten up, by enlarged, I've done fine. It's the other stuff. It's getting to know the people that book the rooms, where to go, who to talk with, who to avoid. The 'getting my name out there' has been the most daunting thing by far.

I thought that once I got myself on tv, I'd be totally set. Hello everyone. Please line up in an orderly fashion and I'll deal with your booking offerings one at a time. Hasn't happened. Far from it. In fact, nothing has happened. No one cares. I did more for myself in this scene last night by going to 2 shows an not performing. I just hung out...hanged out? I was there hanging out, I will hang out, we hung out...I hang...ed? Weird.

But that's what happened. I went and I talked to people. I hated every second of it. I wanted to perform and then leave. It's not that the people I was talking to were awful or something. Far from it. There are some really great guys up here who are in the exact spot I'm in. I talked to a bunch of them last night. It's just that it's the part I hate. There are some comics who can just go to show after show, pack-dogging the booker until they score a spot. I can't. Well, I can I guess, I just don't want to. It's like pulling teeth. Well, I pulled a tooth last night. Hopefull I can do it some more and make use of my time in NYC.

As for the picture, that is Melkor addressing Ungoliant from the Silmarillion. Melkor was Sauron's superior and one of the 1st born of the world. Ungoliant was the mother of Shelob (giant spider that Frodo and Sam face in Mordor) and the weaver of darkness...as in she spun actual darkness. I chose it because I feel like Melkor sometimes in that I kind of sing my own tune and I could exist in harmony with the other 1st born of the world but I don't. I choose to employ a demon to spin darkness instead. The parallel is there; you just have to want to see it.