Declare the Winner

Background information:

-I am in the finals in both of my fantasy NBA leagues.
-I have a very good chance in one and a decent chance in the other to be the champion
-I finished 2nd and 1st respectively in the regular season
-I know the most about sports of anyone
-The last statement is debatable

To get to the finals, I beat my Boy Jon in our week-long head to head match-up. 9 categories are totaled over the week and whoever wins the most categories, wins the week. I defeated him 6-3. This means that it was never really in doubt. As I mentioned in a previous post, you could taste the desperation in his actions and movements in the league. He was dependent upon slouches like Darko Milicic, Nenad Kristic, Hedo Turkoglu, and Udonis Haslem. My worst player during the week? 5-time All-Star Jermaine O'Neal. Needless to say, my squad was vastly superior and should have won.

Before the week began, Jon and I engaged in a 'light sh*t-talking battle'. Jon and I are very similar in that when we are defensive about something, we turn to humor to make it seem like the whole thing is a big joke. Its a clever and useful tool, but it does not fool FunnyDanny.

I am posting the poo-talking transcript below. A quick guide to some of the players:

Marcoux = my boy who's team name is Ultra Magnus (the name of my favorite Transformer ever)

Ramsey = my boy who's team name is Grandma Mima

Roos = my nickname. My team name is: 'DERELICTE'

Jon = my boy, his team name is 'The People's Champs' and his screen name is 'J Record Deal'

Transcript in order of posts:


2 Things by: Derelicte (drouhier14)
Apr 3 10:15am
Thing 1: Marcoux (MMMMMMMAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGNUSSSSSSS!) set a modern American land record for transactions in a week. Debord, take a day off, rest up. No games tonight. We'll start it up tomorrow. Also proves that letting the computer draft for you may be an efficient means of acquiring players.
Thing 2: As I sat in the dining room of Lucie's house with my laptop during the draft, Ramsey says the following: "Can we just talk about how I had the greatest draft ever?" Sure we can big cat. Ssshhhhhhh...go to sleep girl...sssshhhhhhh...its me...its OK...I'm nervous too...Its OK....sssshhhhhhhh...I respect you.....ssshhhh...we don't have to do anything you don't want to....


Imponderable questions by: The Peoples' Champs (j_record_deal)
Apr 3 11:04am
1) can you imagine anything funnier than being a fly on the wall as marcoux totally lost his nerve this week and began adding kwame brown and dropping matt harpring and benching shaq and adding udonis haslem and then dropping kwame brown? i can't even begin to think about it. imponderable.
2) is it not transparent to everyone that roos is trying to denigrate my rise to the top of this damn league by shifting praise onto the computerized drafting system? you should be paying me to give you tips and encouragement. maybe then you could have wound up with Nenad Kristic. 3) Roos what are you going to do when the combination of Nenad, Josh Smith, and Darko Millicilic block 100 shots this week?


What Will I do???? by: Derelicte (drouhier14)
Apr 4 4:18pm
I will giggle as the combo of Jermaine O'neal, Pau Gasol and Marcus Camby block 101 shots. See you on the other side Nenad...


mombasa by: The Peoples' Champs (j_record_deal)
Apr 5 9:43am
i noticed that your triumverate of primadonnas has thus far totaled 2 blocks, while nenad and josh smith had 5 last night. darko "mombasa" milicic has not even played yet. i will just sit here and wait for you to become unhinged like marcoux did last week. udonnis haslem is available on the waiver wire, by the way.


Mombosa???? by: Derelicte (drouhier14)
Apr 10 10:06am
Deborg, your boy Mombosa was a non-factor. As predicted, I dominated what was to have been a closely contested category. You were invited to the block party held at Marcus Camby's house. O'neal was dj, and Gasol was breakdancing. Your punkass eastern european contingent of Micicicic and Kristicicicic was no match. In the end, superior players win. Big time players - Big time games. Good luck in the 3rd place game. [editor's note: I totalled 42 blocks to his 35 for the week]


post hoc trash talk by: The Peoples' Champs (j_record_deal)
Apr 10 12:29pm
two things - number one, i'm going to beat the sh*t out of you next time i see you.
second, trash talking after the fact shows me nothing. you waited until you edged me by 3 rebounds and 5 blocks to respond to the mombasa post. were you afraid to respond all week? life is not a petting zoo, derelicte. you will learn this soon [see above]


What's the legal Term for Wrong? by: Derelicte (drouhier14)
Apr 10 2:58pm
"I will giggle as the combo of Jermaine O'neal, Pau Gasol and Marcus Camby block 101 shots". - me from before last week started.
I told you what would happen and it did. This is from the Larry Bird school of sh*t talking. I beat you in the category you chose to talk about. And then went ahead and advanced to the championship. I didn't become unhinged rather, it was you who began furiously adding and dropping players in the same fashion you criticized Marcoux for doing (Udonis Haslem!).
And maybe, that gets to a larger point...maybe you are guilty of some of the things you are so adept at noticing in others.
Please let Clown Punchers and I know how many are in your party so that we can make sure to reserve you tickets to watch the championship match up.


derelicte is a good shot blocker! by: The Peoples' Champs (j_record_deal)
Apr 11 12:01am
i realize that by winning our little match you feel that you can engage in a bit of poetic license, but you shouldn't lose total control over yourself.
first, lets be clear - you didn't respond to the mombasa post until the week was done. i will, from now on, say "mombasa" whenever you attempt to refute a statement of mine with irrelevant facts of your own.
second - lets not exaggerate - marcoux added or dropped 24 players in one week. i added or dropped six, due to a suspension and a season ending injury - respectively - to two key players. extreme circumstances call for extreme measures. did i pick up udonnis haslem? yes i did. and i'm keeping him.
third, if it wasn't clear already, i will be passionately rooting for clown punchers against you this week. i have already proposed a steve nash + shawn marion for matt bonner + earl watson trade which i feel will be beneficial for both teams.


Drop adds by: Ultra Magnus (magloirev)
Apr 11 12:35pm
I love that you counted how many people I drop/added during the week...


attention to detail by: The Peoples' Champs (j_record_deal)
Apr 11 2:34pm
accuracy is important to me


Protocols by: Derelicte (drouhier14)
Apr 11 2:38pm
I think, I must have violated some sh*t talking protocols here. I will now show the error in my ways with a handy timeline.
-Before the week started I told you that I would beat you.
-I beat you.
-I reminded you that I beat you.

What did I miss? It seems I was to include a running commentary of how I was beating you throughout the course of the week. That was my mistake. We spilled over into email discussion where it was with extreme calm told you that I was not worried about your little uprising.

I encourage you to say mombasa at every turn. I think its a funny nickname to reflect the muffled desperation on your face when you turned to a 15 minute a game bench player out of panic and came to depend upon him implicitly in your run. Take it from one who knows, using the humor to deflect attention away from your issues is a wondrous tool. I plan to make a living off this one day. "Look! its comedy! I've made a funny nickname for a terrible player and if/when I am defeated, it will be a cute little safety net".


paper champion by: The Peoples' Champs (j_record_deal)
Apr 12 9:25am
yeah yeah yeah derelicte. i want this entire exchange cut and pasted and made into a funnydanny.com blog internet posting.


Done...by: Derelicte (drouhier14)
Apr 12 9:41am
and Done...

Fin.