Funny Danny: Advisor and Helper of Women

Below is an actual email transcription between A lady friend of mine and myself. She was seeking some advice regarding a situation her friend is currently facing with regards to a dude. Free advice. You are welcome:

From lady friend:

Ok, I am stalking you apparently. I have a question:

You live in NYC and at a gathering at a bar to meet your friends, you mean Jennifer *. She is cute, friendly, easy to get along w/. You and she end up doing some minor hooking up and crashing at your place. Things have gone well and you'd like to see her again. She spends most weekends out of town and you've got a lot going on as well. You get together last night at a bar where you talk for hours and have a great time. There is some making out, but you take her back to her place in a cab and walk her to her door. Both parties have had a good time.

Here is the question:

If she texts or calls w/in the next couple of days to say that she had a good time, how does this make you feel?
Pressured?
She is desperate?
Glad?

Next Question:

Do you think it is the guy's responsibility to make the first couple of dates happen?

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of ________'s friend.


From Funny Danny:

I think you are asking the wrong man Homeslice. My reaction might differ from a lot of dudes.

There are a few things to consider and we need to be as objective as possible here, sparing no feelings if we are to get to the root of all this.

1) Best Available Bait Theorem: Girls don't know about this. Basically, there is a sliding scale of attainability (hotness levels and every girl thinks her friend is way cuter than she is) and take down likelihood %. We really need to analyze here and see if the dude is a lion (takes down the weakest of the heard) or a cheetah (minimal efforts at anything that comes by) or a pack dog (will stalk its pray for dozens of miles and has no fear about taking down much stronger animals). Again, I can't know this; I encourage you to be as objective as you can be when analyzing the dude in question.

2) I am a lion. In so much as I like girls that like me. Plain and simple. I am astoundingly insecure and its near crippling. This is why I chose stand-up comedy. A lot of men are like me but project another image entirely and are not honest with themselves. I just wish to feel accepted. This is a long way of saying I would be beyond thrilled with any sort of initiative taken by a girl. Just ecstatic. Here is the caveat: men are stupid. Always. This is factual. Some do it soon, others do it later but we all do the following: if something be convenient and easy, we take it for granted. I usually wait until several months into the relationship sabotage things but there are many dudes that if its too easy early on, will cast something good aside. Many males, if a conquest comes to easily, will lose interest (cheetahs). This is why its always critical if a relationship is desired, woodshed activities do not transpire too early.

3) My least favorite thing in life are girls that play games. As mentioned in #2, men are stupid. But, men are also easy. We are simple creatures and women ALWAYS give men too much credit. Chris Rock said it best: 'Feed Me, F*ck Me, and Shut the F*ck Up'. Harsh? Yes. But, it reflects how simplistic men are. We are driven by basic needs as rational creatures. Women, in their very nature, are irrational. Any unpredictable action by a man is a direct result of a man attempting to anticipate a response from a women. A rational creature attempting to predict the response of an irrational creature leads to chaos as an accurate prediction is impossible. It is of course possible for a dude to make the right move but this is pure coincidence and no reflection on his abilities.

4) Common practices indicate that the responsibility for the first few interactions should be initiated by the male. Inherently, men are pursuers and they apprise this role within the dating scene. Role reversals for certain male groups (lions) are incredibly desirable however. If I get an invitation (which I did with my current special lady friend (who is incredible by the way)) I feel wondrous.

5) What's the bottom line out of all of this? I shall tell you. Text him, say that you had a good time. If he gets 'freaked' or something silly, he's not a tight dude and your lady friend should have no further interactions anyway. My advice is always for the lady in question to eliminate the 'games' aspect of dating. If you feel like doing something do it. If dude cannot handle it, he's not for you and we all move on. She needs to realize that she has already won. She has had a good time with a dude and that's all you can ask for. If this works out, great if it doesn't, any negatives are outweighed by the joy from their time together. We move on to continue the little dance we call dating. Sometimes it doesn't work out and its no one's fault. Big picture baby...

Hope this helps.

FunnyDanny