People in Action

I have mentioned it before. Here is my proposal:

No children under 5 on flights longer than 3 hours. I paid close to $1300 for a roundtrip to France and on my overnight flight over there, I sat in the blast zone for a screaming little piece of sh*t kid and his astoundingly incapable baby-factory of a parent. Astonishing. We were delayed for close to 2 hours at Dulles and then another 30 minutes at Charles De Gaulle bringing the total duration on the flight to 10 hours. Of these 10 hours, this little bastard was not screaming for 1.5 hours. This is where his older brother would pick up the slack and begin to cry and wail. In total, 30 minutes of quiet.

Its one thing if you have an infant. Hey, its tough, babies cry. Kids that are least 3 and can walk and talk are not allowed to cry for 8.5 hours straight without reproach. This idiot mother refused to silence the child. She coddled and coddled and made no apologies. Put a 3 year old me in the same situation. After 3 minutes, my parents would have been so horrified, I would have been threatened, perhaps shaken. Either way, I piped down despite the fact that I was a complete spaz.

The Unbelievable B*tch Baby Factory (UBBF) was not done though. 2 shocking incidents occur.

1) UBBF stands up. I am in the aisle. Her inflated buttocks brush against my person several times. No reaction on her part. She is standing next to me as I try to sit and relax. Side note: always awkward when you are sitting and someone else is standing very close by. It becomes clear to me that she is changing this little b*tt sprite's diaper....less than 2 feet from my head. A) that f*cking kid can walk and talk. Its potty time. B) HOW IN THE NAME OF F*CK IS THIS ALLOWED? She holds a dirty diaper now in her left hand. 8-10 inches from my head.

"Excuse me! Can you please not waive that dirty diaper by my head?!"

UBBF: (In a french accent) 'Only a minute, the boy must be changed...'

Wow.

I hate this woman. I mean real hate. Not like, 'oh shucks, I hate it when the bus is late'. Like, if something bad happens...that's really good.

2) As we begin our descent into CDG (worst airport we have as humans) the UBBF begins to shout at me over her screaming child: 'Sir? Excuse me...Sir?'

I finally process that this stunning whore-faced idiot is talking to me. I turn to her...

UBBF: "When the plane lands...can I cut you?"

ME: "I'm sorry..."

UBBF: "I can cut you?"

Me: "I really don't understand..."

UBBF: "We have a connecting flight and maybe I can go and cut you (makes a go ahead of me motion)?"

Me: "Are you serious? Ma'am, after what you put me through on this flight? If it was up to me, you would be the last one off this plane. This is the worst flight I have ever been on so I hope you miss your connection." (laughter and mild applause by those around me)

UBBF makes a big production trying to play up the fact that she is a struggling mother. No one is buying it. She tries to console her child and says in a really loud voice: 'No no, mommy's back is failing so I cannot lift you'...crickets as she waits for sympathy. When we finally do stand up to get off the plane. She asks a woman behind me if she would be willing to carry her child because of said failing back. The woman, an American goes: "Absolutely not." Mint.

Back to the point. I paid a ton of $$ to fly and it was horrendous because of these people. Ban them. BAN THEM! PUT THEM ON SEPARATE FLIGHTS! I will gladly give the rest of my business for the rest of my life to the first airline that does not allow children under 5 to fly. No matter if I can save a hundred dollars on another flight. That's my pledge. I will fly with them exclusively forever and I am not alone. Do it...do it...