24 and Being Robbed

24 was average last night. When I signed on to watch the program and become a '24 person', I did not sign on to see forced sensitive conversations between secondary characters. I signed up for tightness. I bought in for the 'we have one hour to stop terrorists' not: 'Its hard for me to tell you everything I've been feeling...'

During the course of 4 hours on this program, the 1st lady has snuck into a classified archives room and obtained telephone transcripts by threatening to accuse an employee of rape so she could get his key card, been drugged and groped and had the transcript removed from her breast holder-upper, marginalized by her husband, sent to a mental institution, escaped and hidden in a barn, convinced members of the Secret Service that there is an intricate plot of president killing and nerve gas, been redeemed and reunited with her husband, slapped him for sending her away, accepted his apology, heard matters of national security, and then helped the president write his speech. That, is a busy morning. Its also bullsh*t. Stop it 24. Stop forcing these emotional storylines. There is enough emotion with the gravity of the events you are presenting. I can see it; I can feel you trying to insure that women will continue to watch the show by adding a thin layer of supplemental human interest and I am mad at you for it because you are hurting a good thing. Stick with the tightness, that's who brought you. Don't change dance partners.

Post 24, I of course sucked back the Bachelor: Paris. Since the beginning of the show I have rooted for the cute chick from Canada (Sarah) and dubbed her: 'Team Canada'. This was my horse. Everything was perfect... until that idiot kicked her off the show just like that last night. It felt like a part of me went also. It feels like I can't trust anymore. Why? Why would this happen? She was easily the best candidate. Here's a rundown of who's left:

Mo-ana: Will stab you when you sleep because she is a brooding, emotional wreck. We also call these: "Women". I kid. She is half past-psycho subject to b*tchiness, hated by other women, looks terrible without primping, and is generally disagreeable and unpredictable due to her wild emotional swings. Great call...a$$. She may not get along with people, but at least she cries a lot. Also, her friggin name is Mo-ana...its either Mona or her entire family should be kicked in the shins. Their choice.

Susan: Just got out of an 'almost marriage' and is what the French call: 'Really f*cking clingy'. She has dropped the 'L' bomb in casual conversation with the dude after knowing him for less than a month while having spent a under 14 hours with said dude and competing with other women who feel badly about themselves. She is hot but has the most over-bearing mother. Dude, that could be your mother in law. Are you kidding? Abort. Abort. She deserved to make it pretty far because she seemed $$$ but when we really start getting to know people, let her go out with that dude from the gym with the tattoo around his bicep and the racing stripe on his Civic with a lot of bass so that he can sound cool when he wears a sleaveless shirt with a ton of hair gel to the local club. Also, she lives in Durham...and Duke sucks.

Sarah from Nashville: I have 1.3 million jokes about girls like her. See my act. She's in it along with the other thousands of sorority girls from the south that say things like: 'sssssssoooooo fuuuunnnnn!' If you end up together, look forward to 'sippin' wiiine' and looking at Pottery Barn catalogs. You're an idiot. You'll probably have to drive down with her as she goes back to whatever college in the south she went to for various events and listen to excited shrills as she sees her sorority sisters who already have kids because they went to college to find a husband and pretend to root for her stupid school when its playing on tv even though she can't name a single player and your calendar will be full with showers, weddings, bachelorette parties, planned dinners with other couples, and trips to the grocery store because 'making dinner' is now an event for you to get excited about: 'Maybe we can get some bread and olive oil to go with this white wine?' I say again, you are an idiot.

So, Team Canada, if you're out there, you was robbed. The dude said it might be tough with the distance and everything. Good point. But, if that's the case, don't go on the f*cking show where they bring women from all over the country and then travel to Paris. Match.com you idiot. Sarah Canada...I would never actually move to Canadia (by the way, they are Canadians, so it should be called Canadia...its not Mexicanians. Bunch of liars up there. Watch out for 'em), but I'm looking for a roommate in Glover Park, so we could go from there.