Other People Are Funny and I Should Quit

I have watched this cartoon 25 times. Whoever made it, I would like to help you raise your child. I can offer athletic guidance and what kind of dude not to be. I have little to no input on women unless you wish to listen to my views and do the opposite but you couldn't tell me you were doing that because then I would try and switch my advice up and then no one is happy. Anyway, the cartoon: Funny Cartoon of Joy

Its totally safe for work.

Comedy is an exciting thing to do. It really is. Its like sports in that there is no guarantee of success. Winning (having a great set for a willing crowd) can be as rewarding as any sports accomplishment.
Whereas eating it, bombing, ruining a show, doing just OK when other people do great, f*cking up a joke,
Having people talk in the middle of your set,
going out of your way to do a show when the venue doesn't get how to have comedy,
A crowd that's determined to ruin a show,
Ttraveling 18 hours round trip to the Boston Comedy Festival and doing one 6 minute set and losing to a boring chick and a black dude who talked about weed and poor credit,
Having your friends all get great shows and wondering 'how the hell did they get those?' and 'How come I'm not getting them?' and then feeling guilty because you're not being supportive of your friend and its not that you're jealous of him its that you wonder about your own place, Stepping on the mic chord and pulling it out of the mic and not being able to put it back together, Going to what used to be an awesome show that now stinks because the sound system is terrible and you're on with crappy comics and the audience knows it so they stop coming so it turns into a bad show where you try new stuff and now don't get invited back,
When the booker you did a good show for won't call you back about follow up gigs despite the messages you've left for him,
The number of friends you piss off b/c of your blog/jokes about them/or their perception that you don't really care about them anymore and are just emailing them about your appearances, Watching terrible comics ruin a show and knowing you will have to go on after them,
Watching someone new who is already better than you and has a guidance and support structure in place unlike when you started and you were just drifting aimlessly about hoping for things to happen,
Realizing that you went to the well way to often to invite people to meaningless shows so that now they never want to come to anything you do because they've already seen your act so many times they know it better than you,
Doing a college show and not having one college girl make a single suggestive comment to you after the show,
Having a stranger come up to you and ask you why you didn't do a joke that you are not proud of as if its your only funny bit,
Trying to write new jokes and realizing that they aren't even funny to you,
Wanting to quit and go beg for some job because it never seems like you will ever get anywhere with this comedy thing and seriously wondering what really makes you different from the other thousands of comics who never amount to anything but grizzled old d*cks who've been doing comedy for 18 years and can't even get a feature spot at the Improv but they'll tell young comics about the time they worked with Robin Williams and that they know the path to stardom,
Thinking that an old joke is solid and then doing it so you don't forget it and then hearing dead f*cking silence last night at Dremos as you bombed so egregiously that it made you want to quit comedy all together as you realize you don't have near as much material as you thought you did and your buddies keep coming up with really great stuff,
Having to deal with the 2 realities of dealing with an office job when you never want to work in an office ever again and then the stark reality that you may never reach your goal of doing what you want to do.

All that? That is what SUCKS about comedy.

I am very tempted to return to my role as the funny guy amongst my friends but I don't. The reason? Winning is that much better if there's a big chance you might lose. That being said, if I don't do well at Topaz tonight, I'm going to sign up for an LSAT class.