The End.

It is time...The conclusion is here. Giddyup...

I am at a beach bar in South Beach. I can barely stand up at this point. My memory is porous at best. I have seen a teepee from across the way and I find this humorous. I make a funny remark regarding this teepee. No one is present to hear it. Because I find the concept of a teepee at a bar so amusing, I have no choice but to venture over to it.

I know the picture is sideways, but you can make out the picture of the teepee in question. Note: this blurriness is an accurate representation of my vision. That's called directing. See about me.

The teepee has pillows inside. I sit down. Amused with myself like a small child in a sandbox with a bucket and clean diapers. I look up the the ceiling. Everything begins to spin. I have not slept, have eaten minimally, am totally dehydrated, and out of my gourd drunk. I have no choice but to lay down in one of those awkward positions that you have to lay in when you are drunk so that you don't upset the delicate balance of your existence. I am there for at least 20 minutes. No movement. Any attempt at movement is futile at this point. I realize I still have my cell phone. I begin calling tons of people. The 'A's got hit pretty hard. Then I started to jump around. I have had at least 6 different people tell me that I left them a funny message that night. I was in a teepee in South Beach. You cannot make that up.

I've now been laying in the teepee for an hour. I call Ramsey. He asks where I am. I told him that I was in a teepee. He laughed.

A few moments later he was standing over me. His quote when interviewed for this blog:

"Dude, honestly? I have never seen anyone look worse than you did right then. It looked like you were going to puke and then die from puking...Wow...Wow."

Rams is able to keep me talking. I informed him that I called: "Everyone". My eyes are closed but everything is still moving. A nauseating dance of discord and malice. In my head suddenly, everything stops. I flashing back to earlier in the night...I see...I see Prince. He is singing 'Purple Rain'...to me. I reach my hand up...Ramsey takes it...I rise and say: "Let's go get booze. What the f*ck do you want?"

Ramsey is stunned. I know that this is the defining moment of my life. I go to the bar and order one of everything. I buy booze for everyone...everyone. Bar tab #2: $175.

We then leave and I scream at everyone that: "I would never ever hang out here." We arrive at the new place. I have no recollection of the trip or the process of getting in. I simply have a flash in my mind of standing with a hot girl, an angry girl, and a dumb girl with Ramsey and my boy Phil. Ramsey has just finished saying something about me being on a sitcom. I stare at everyone dumbstruck for many seconds and then I mutter something about Ramsey running for Congress in VA...blackout...I am holding 3 beers...blackout...I am in a cabana with a bachelorette party and my boy Winship...blackout...I am standing next to those same 3 girls again...blackout...I am at another hotel with Winship and two girls...blackout...I am in my room with Bourbon Rick in one bed, Winship walking in with booze, the two girls are in the room with one of them perched atop the tv stand, I am berating her about my vast knowledge of television from my youth. I challenge her thus:

"Name any show from your childhood...name your favorite show...I guarantee I know more about it than you do. Its not close..."

Blackout...

I wake up at 7:30 AM, lying across the bed, over the covers, as Bourbon Rick departs the room. I try to sleep for a little while longer but am unsuccessful. I then made sick in the potty. Horrendous. I showered for 45 minutes to wash away the layer of filth that Miami had placed upon me...It will take more than that...

Photos will be on my website within the next day or two. I love everyone involved in this story. That includes those of you who read it...

Fin.