Introducing...

I want you all to meet a friend of mine. Her name is Kristen. She is single, 24, 5'8", athletic, a Taurus and a proud parent. How do I know this? From her myspace profile. Kristen, even though we have never met, has given me a wonderful gift. She is currently in the lead for most bizarre message exchange in my brief history of myspace participation. Kristen sent me a message, completely unsolicited, filled with saltiness, venom, spite, and pure naked anger. We have had a wondrous reparte of messages. I fear the banter may have ended as I have not heard from her for 24 hours now. This was not my intent. I was hoping to bait this young lady into further conversation in the hopes I could have a little treasure to keep for myself and share with all my comic friends as we write jokes about idiots, like Kristen.

While you read the transcript below, I want you to ponder what in the world would posses someone to somehow stumble across my myspace profile, and be so disgusted and upset by it; to be so moved to disdain that she had no choice but to reach out to me and give a vague criticism. What could possibly be going on in her life that this was a priority?

Here is another direct link to Kristen's myspace page:


I really want you to go to her site (which is why I've made it really easy by smattering links throughout this posting). Feel free to leave comments and send her messages as she really likes that. Be encouraging. I'll give you an example of what you might want to write:

"Hey Kristen, keep at it. One of these days we can turn that 'some college'...into: 'all college' and then you can move out of Burke, VA and Friday nights spent at the Bennigan's parking lot and hours on match.com looking for someone who will love you for you. Peace."

In fact, I'll be putting this on my website soon as my 'featured profile to visit and mock'. Very exclusive.


I now submit for your reading pleasure, the entirety of the myspace email conversation between your own funnydanny, and Kristen. Its unedited and real. Taste the mirth...


Read from the top down:


----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: Kristen Date: Mar 6, 2006 3:33 PM


your site is ugly


----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: danny Date: Mar 6, 2006 4:00 PM


Dear Kristin, Weirdest message I've ever gotten in my brief myspace experience. Thanks for that. I'll notify you if someone else takes your spot.


----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: Kristen Date: Mar 6, 2006 6:16 PM


thanks. I would greatly appreciate that.


----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: danny Date: Mar 7, 2006 12:03 AM


Not a problem. I have to know, what prompted you to send me that message? I guess I want to know what about my site was so ugly that it moved you to send me a message. Just curious. As of 11:57 PM on 3/6, you are still ... #1.


----------------- Original Message ----------------- From: Kristen Date: Mar 7, 2006 2:08 PM


I'm sorry Danny; I just don't feel it would be right if I told you why exactly I felt the need to tell you your site resembles the likes of, oh I don't know, a hairy ball sac. I think it only proper that you lie in bed at night and ponder what makes your site such an eye sore. Over time you may actually start to cry over the agonizing realization that perhaps many others felt the same as I and they didn't say anything to you b/c they did not want to hurt your feelings. But hey, forgive but don't forget, keep you head up. Peace out. Kristin




(My last message to her. She has yet to reply):


No need for apologies. I honestly didn't think I'd get an answer. Just a fool's hope really. I am really excited about this exchange as it continues to take bizarre twists and turns. Its going to go on my blog and into subsequent jokes so you can look forward to minor celebrity status. Thanks also for worrying about my sleeping habits. I think I'll be fine. I also don't foresee any myspace related crying breakdowns in the near future.

Finally, did you hook up with one of my friends or something? I'm just trying to get to the root of the anger. I am all about love in the '06 so while you may not like me, I like you and am thankful for our interactions. Talk soon, Danny


Fin.