Part III

The Saga Continues...Wu-Tang...Wu-Tang (that was for about 2 people who recognize the genius from the double album '97)

I have slept for about 1.5 hours and I rise to go to the airport for my journey to planet South Beach. The drive over was uneventful...Except that I was driving like and 80 year old Asian woman as I was still a little gunshy from the night before. I board the plane without incident. I get to my seat without...Being able to believe that I was seated in the same row as a family of 5 with three sh*t-eating little kids. Every time I got close to falling asleep, one of the 3 little spoiled boogers would disrupt me in some way...They knew. Note: the names of the children were Percy, Patterson, and Nathaniel. I know this because their parents' constantly had to say their names to get them to act right. Your kids are doomed. Those names sound like a roll call for kids who are going to get the sh*t beaten out of them by bullies...

Proposed rules. On my return flight Sunday night, my friend Allie and I constructed some rules for airline travel that would make everything better. I want an airline to do this and I don't even want credit. That's a lie, I always want credit. Fine, give me the credit but just do it.

Ready? Here it is:

Rule #1: There should be only certain designated flights in a given day where children under the age of 6 should be permitted to fly on and passengers should be well aware of what they are.

Rule #2: On these flights, there is one designated section where the children/guardians etc. Can sit.

Rule #3: These 'kid flights' should be less expensive for regular travelers

Rule #4: To balance the cost for the airline, raise ticket prices by $1-3 on non-kid flights

Rule #5: If you are not willing to do the above rules, for the love of God, you cannot allow children to be on 'red eye' flights. There is nothing worse in the world than trying to sleep and some exhausted parent turns a deaf ear to a screaming kid because he's just numb to it.

As a side, here is a quick list of some of my least favorite things that people regularly have to deal with in our society.

10) People that walk slowly in the middle of a walkway and you cannot get around them
9) Religious fundamentalists
8) Fanatical and over-zealous self-righteous liberals
7) Paying cover at bars and places that have a dress code
6) Social climbing girls
5) People telling me to relax during sports. Completely infuriates me.
4) tapas
3) When someone who is familiar with something has a nonchalant attitude about explaining something to me. They say things like: "just take the subway to _____ and then cab it to ____". I'm in a strange city, how do I get subway tokens? What do they use here? All day pass? Half day? One ride? I f*cking hate this. Anytime you start a sentence with "Why don't you just..." As if to oversimplify something, I should get to eat what's on your plate at your next meal if I want.
2) This is very broad, but the phenomenon of me having done exactly what I am supposed to do and because of someone else's mistake, I have to go through a horrendous process.
1) That time between when the airplane has landed and you actually get off the plane. The awkward standing hunched over with your bag brushing against a multitude of people that are completely sick of being on the plane. I once tried to anticipate the seatbelt light going off and sprint towards the exit so I wouldn't have to be stuck behind the sweaty masses. In a word: ineffective.

Continued story:

I land in Miami and immediately begin to sweat. I am on zero sleep and I go to a starbucks at the airport and get a large coffee. The latin lady said: 'ju wan' venti?' I said, 'yes please, a large'. I will not give in on this people. Don't come with new names for things that don't need new names. "Yes, I'd like a средство tea please..."(Russian for medium)

I get in a cab to go to our hotel. I tell the driver which hotel: "The Riande". He laughs. I then ask him how his day is going...I could do a whole post on that...

To be continued...