Part V and My Ninja Friend

Status as of Saturday 3/18/2006 at 6:30 PM:

-Sweaty
-Exhausted
-Salty
-Freshly caffeinated
-Ready

We gathered in Room 511 of the Riande for a 12 dude/open chest hair/mixed drink festival of mirth commenced. At 6:30 PM eastern standard time, my boy Vits ordered pizzas for the group. This is important.

At 8 PM, the pizza still has not arrived. We are boozing significantly. I am drinking vodka/red bull in a fashion analogous to said beverage going out of style. We are all starving. My boy Winship, who is rated #5 on the 'least patient people in life', starts asking where the pizza is. Vits calls the place a few times and is assured it is on the way. It is near time for us to go. Complaints about the pizza continue. They have yet to arrive. The combo of no food, booze, being Italian, and being lied to makes Vits explosively angry.

The group decides it can no longer afford to wait and we head out to a place right next to our hotel to grab a quick bite. Why are we in a rush? Good question. We have tickets to a club. So what? Its a really nice club. So what? Its a really nice club that Prince is playing at tonight. As we are waiting for our food, four of my boys, who were waiting on the pizza roll in and announce briskly that we are to meet them at the club as they are leaving immediately. It seems odd but I am firmly entrenched in the 'invincible and agreeable drunken state' so I am fine with this.

Moments later, I discover why they had to leave so abruptly.

The players:

Vits, Brain, Ramsey, Pizza Man (PM) and Pizza Man's Honey (PMH).

Given: The 'zza is 2.5 hours late
Given: Vits is incensed/boozed/determined
Given: South Beach is like another planet

-PM and PMH pull up with the pizzas to the front of the hotel. Vits is screaming at dude from the get go. Informing PM that there is simply no chance he is paying for his pizza and that he doesn't want it and that all his ancestors are whores.

-PM initially tries to broker a deal. He lays the pizza boxes on the ground.

-Vits stomps on the pizza boxes and insults are flying.

-PMH picks up some of the boxes and begins throwing them at Vits.

-PM goes back to his car to get something to beat up all present.

-Brain tries to calm PM.

-PMH continues her barrage.

-Ramsey grabs Vits and drags him away.

-Brain and hotel security restrain PM

-Vits, Ramsey, and Brain come to us to inform us that they are departing immediately.

South Beach.

We squeeze into a couple of different cabs and roll to the club called Mansion. Its huge and has a very open main room that is already packed. We rolled right in as we had tickets. Prince is onstage playing lead guitar and killing it. There is a chick who's the lead singer who is really good but Prince is the star even when singing backup. As a fellow showman, I can relate to the feelings he must get when thousands of people all love you and everything you are doing. I had that same feeling last night when I performed for 75 Booz-Allen employees at Dr. Dremos. You could feel the adoration just oozing off the crowd. Especially the table of 4 hotchicks in the corner that talked the entire time because you know they were talking about me.

Do yourself a favor. If you have the opportunity to see Prince in person, do it. You will be amazed. Absolutely incredible. I don't know enough words to say how awesome he was. He came out for an encore and did several of his old hits. People were feinting and such. From our vantage point in the VIP area...oh yeah, we were in the VIP area because Brain used Jedi Mind Tricks on the bouncer dude to let us upstairs. Tightness.

My tab for bar #1: $188. So much more to come. Best part of South Beach by far: its is remarkably easy to get a drink at bars. There are places in DC/NY/Boston where its miserable on a stick but it was easy everywhere we went. Really underrated in terms of mirth in an outing.

End Part V. Next: metrosexuals, native american structures, the greatest defining moment in a man's life, and asian bachelorettes...