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Below you will find the following elements: mirth, joy, humor, mockery, insinuation, sport, politics, comedy, rants, awkwardness, opinions, communacable disease, self-promotion, and lingo. Enjoy.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Mailing it in

That's what I'm doing today. I'll have more for you tomorrow.

2 things:

1) Wikipedia entry for shabingus: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shabingus

2) Selling my tv: http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/ele/286151450.html

Cherrydale is actually Arlington. It's a snobby community...I live in a house that I found on craigslist.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

These are things that are important

New Buddy Jackson. Best episode ever? It's possible. But how do you judge art? You don't. You just argue about it until one guy yields. Watch here.

Next thing: http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/nva/ele/285466691.html
That's a craigslist ad for my tv. I'm selling it. You should buy it. It's awesome but I cannot take it with me.

Jared Stern, Jon Mumma, and me. March 11th at the DC Improv. This is the first of a new thing the Improv is doing. They've recently completed a 2nd room. It's smaller and more intimate than the main room but it's really nice. They are doing monthly showcases there and this is the first one. It's Sunday night at 8:30. You should come. Here is the info:

DC IMPROV LOUNGE SHOW

Monday, February 26, 2007

The Departed

Glad that it won last night. It wasn't the movie Scorcese should have won for but it's cool that he did. I'm really glad that Little Miss Sunshine didn't win it because I thought that was as over-rated a movie as we've had since Lost In Garden City Translation.

The show was unwatchable as predicted.

I just finished my tax return but for some reason, the option to e-file does not work for me. Frustrating. I hate regular mail.

A lot of you know that I have been killing myself by taking broadcasting classes. They are almost over and I am relieved. It's way more work than I would have ever thought. I spend an awful lot of time at the school. It's been a mixed bag to be honest. Much of what I get to do and learn is really interesting and rewarding. There is also other stuff that makes me want to quit existing. I'll just be glad when it's over. The idea is that I will eventually get a sports radio show and the only people that are allowed to call in are the ones that like my sports related blogs.

I'm selling my tv. It's a 55 inch Mitsubishi flat screen. I bought it in 2003 for $2500. I love the tv but it won't fit in the place that I'm moving or at my parent's house. Its got 7 inputs, is totally HD compatible, has great sound and there is a little button on the side of the remote that makes the buttons light up...I'm looking to get around 1k or "$1000" for it. Email me at danny.rouhier@gmail.com if you are interested.

Later.

Friday, February 23, 2007

I Wouldn't Wanna Be...

Went to see Rusted Root last night at the 9:30 Club. I don't go to that many concerts. I agreed to go, then forgot about it until the day before. It's how I plan things.

They were really good. They are a unique sound I think and I like that. Good outing. It reminds me that there is a lot of cool stuff out there besides when I am performing next.

I am performing tomorrow night at the Hyatt in Bethesda. Shows there recently have been completely kick a$$. I've been told that Erik Myers will be there and if you haven't seen him, then you are one of the unfortunate ones. When I first started, this was the guy that everyone would say: 'you've got to see him'. He's funny.

Here are 2 wondrous youtube videos:

80s Cartoon Openings: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bto7l3cKhvk

The most...I don't know what it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJ3oHpup-pk&eurl

Have a good weekend.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Nashbingus

Here is what will happen to you when you go to a National NACA conference in Nashville:

-You'll drive with Rory Scovel.
-You'll prepare hundreds of sample dvds that you aren't thrilled with.
-You will literally whore yourself to dozens of college kids that couldn't care less
-You'll wear absurd outfits and somehow not stand out
-You'll say things like: 'If we don't get some shows out of this, I'll kill you Rory."
-You'll stay at the Opryland Hotel in Nashville and it will be the largest building you can imagine. Its like a city...an orange, country music city.
-You're friend Blaire will be there and she'll have to literally kick you several times to stop talking because you are ruining a sale by talking too much
-Rory won't be able to print labels for his dvds
-He'll also give you a bunch of cases for yours
-You'll discuss how horrible NACA is because it screws artists
-This discussion is tempered because getting booked is awesome
-You'll tell all the kids how much you love performing at colleges.
-You'll remember to email Ryan Conner when you get home because you hate him because he performs at a lot of colleges and you don't.
-You don't really hate Ryan. You're just jealous.
-You're not really jealous because you want success for your friends.
-You just want the exact same success and other stuff...which I guess means that you are jealous.
-The drive down will suck
-The drive back, when you leave at 1:30 AM, will absolutely honk.
-There will be a torrential rain storm that will make you slow down to 35 mph and put on your hazard lights while trucks fly by you at 4 AM.
-This will go on for an hour.
-Rory will have to stop 8 times to potty.
-You'll think the trip went well overall but are glad to be done with it.
-Your evaluation will wait to see if you get any bookings from this.

Thanks Blaire...and Rory....but mostly Blaire.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Nashvegas

Driving to Nashville with Rory Scovel on Sunday. We're there for the National NACA Conference on Monday and Tuesday. We're trying to get booked for stuff. This process is literally like whoring ourselves out without anyone getting laid. Full Report on Wednesday.

Have a great weekend.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Snow Days

Couple days off from blogging because of the snow. It affects the computers...

We left early on Tuesday because the weather was on its way and I was made to come in on Wednesday for 18 minutes. Seriously.

I got yet another absurd traffic violation this morning. Not sure what it is about me, but it seems like officers of the law have free reign to lie with regards to making up offenses that I committed. It's hard to explain but suffice it to say, taking a left turn into shopping center parking lot by occupying the opposite lane of traffic for one car length (when no cars were coming) before turning does not constitute RECKLESS DRIVING in my mind. At least not the kind of reckless driving where you have to go to court. At least not the kind where you have to call the court and stay on hold for 41 minutes to try and change the date that knucklef*cker gave me because I'm out of town.

From the law.com dictionary:

"operation of an automobile in a dangerous manner under the circumstances, including speeding (or going too fast for the conditions, even though within the posted speed limit), driving after drinking (but not drunk), having too many passengers in the car, cutting in and out of traffic, failing to yield to other vehicles and other negligent acts."

Oh...so nothing like what I did. Unreal. How is it allowed to ruin someone like that?

You may remember from my last run in with an officer of lies (coming home from Gettysburg) last March. I 'thanked' him once he was all done and gave me my stuff back. I should have thanked him for the $700 and change the whole thing cost me. You may recall that I was torn up inside at having thanked this horrible person. Well today, you'll be happy to know that I did not thank officer chooch mcf*ck at any time. I'm growing.

Monday, February 12, 2007

I'd like to thank...

Table of Blogtents:

1) The Grammy's are no longer relevant
2) Poonanza was great. Thanks to everyone that was part of the show. Both in the crowd and the cast. Great experience.
3) I had the most absurdly busy weekend ever.
4) You definitely do not care about #3 but its true.


1-The Grammys are the most unwatchable of all the award shows to me. The following are the reasons why:

A) No one ever considers how absurd it is that an industry gets together to honor itself based on arbitrary judgements. Music is art. How can you judge art and say one song is better than another? Of the nominees for this year's prizes, I think I downloaded 0 of them. The best music coming out now is not at the Grammys and I'm thankful for it. I don't want something I like to be up against Fergie in the best pop category.

B) We don't televise other such industry award shows. For 'best architecture in a modern victorian subdivision development...'

C) Acceptance speeches. Several people we've never heard of are named and thanked. They are always awkward. Not 'The Office' awkward, more painful awkward.

D) The performances fall into one of a few categories.
- Lip Synching crap
- No longer relevant band playing to a forced and over-appreciative crowd
-Current singer doing some kind of montage/tribute to another singer that is nice in theory but doesn't work out live
-occasional brilliance (Elton John and Eminem for example)

The problem is, you have to sit through the other stuff to get the goodness.

E) Hollywood actors taking part. Listen, I like Scarlett Johanson...I really do, but why is she there? OK, bad example. But why are random actors at these awards? It is a forced way for them to get some pub.

F) The forced ovations anytime someone old is involved (Tony Bennett, Smokey Robinson etc.). Their mere appearance makes people stand and give ovations. In reality, if most of these people walked by Smokey Robinson, they wouldn't care. They just stand up and clap because of where they are. Listen, the old guys are awesome. They did stuff; great stuff. The last relevant thing Tony Bennett did was in the mid 90s. he's 80. Don't trot him out there with Tarrantino like he's a show dog. Annoying.

G) the 'zany pairings' to present awards. Oh my gosh, they have Busta Rhymes and Jack Nicholson presenting 'Best Country Album"! I'm going to spit I'm so excited.

H) Apparently, it is impossible to do an awards show in under 4 hours.

That's top of my head. I'm sure there's more.

Last Grammy thought: can you imagine the Emmy's having a contest where the winner gets to do a scene with Heath Ledger? Exactly.


2) Poonanza kicked arse. The show ran a bit longer than we thought. Still, there weren't much in the way of 'down moments'. My sketches were poorly written at best. I think there is a lesson in there...

3) My sched on Saturday:

Buddy Jackson shoot from 8-5 in Alexandria.
Standup show from 8-10:15 at the Bethesda Hyatt
Poonanza from 11-2 AM at the Warehouse Theater.

Long day. Lots of fun, but long. Like a great waterslide.


4) You definitely don't care do you? Right. Didn't think so.

Appendix

Why do you think they call the end of the book an appendix? Is it something you can remove and still go on with?

Friday, February 09, 2007

Poontown, Population You

Come to the show tomorrow night.

1017 7th Street. 11 PM at the Warehouse Theater. Tickets are $5.

The greatest show you'll ever see live.

The 2nd Annual Valentine's Day Poonanza and Wet T-Shirt Contest.

Plastic covers, 3D glasses, and an Arby's coupon will be provided.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Updating the Peeps

Sorry I didn't post yesterday, I was home sick. One of those awesome nights where you are coughing hysterically and all you want to do is go to sleep but you can't because of the coughing. yadda yadda yadda, I'm out of sick days.

-Come to the Poonanza on Saturday night. It starts at 11 and will be unspeakably wondrous. Sketches have been created. 1017 7th Street at the Warehouse Theater. Tix are only $5. Lemme know if you want tix or show up early. danny.rouhier@gmail.com

-If you live in Bethesda, or within driving distance of Bethesda, or you like to Metro to places, or you are just an enormous fan, I'm also at the Bethesda Hyatt at 8:00 PM on Saturday. It's right on the Metro I'm told. I don't actually ride the Metro because people who don't have cars are peasants.

-Watch 'Guys Watching 24'. There are now 2 parts on youtube.

-Watch Buddy Jackson. The goodness flows.

-After an exhaustive search, the dallas cowpukes picked Wade Phillips as their new head coach. That's like looking for the next great Playboy Playmate and choosing a 48 year old mother of 7 from Topeka, Kansas. The real reason that the great Satan (jerry jones) chose this chooch is so he'd do exactly as he was told for 2 years until jones is ready to let Jason Garrett coach the team. Either way, f the cowboys always.

Later.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Poonanza

The greatest spectacle of all times...Saturday

Larry Poon Presents: The 2nd annual St. Valentines Day Poonanza and Wet T-shirt Contest.

Saturday February 10th
The Warehouse Theater
1017-1021 7th St. NW
Showtime - 11pm
Tickets - $5

Tons of explosions and b*tches.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Put a Tent on That...

The Super Bowl was sucky. Here are all the sucky factors:

1) The circus was so out of place. It is a neat show but it was like having a 7 on 7 passing camp before the start of a ballet. It didn't go and was just an awkwardly noisy and sensitive spectacle. Good start

2) The 2 week layoff. Both teams were rusty as evidenced by the horrendous turnovers. I think this was a huge factor in an extremely poorly played super bowl.

3) It was a poorly played super bowl.

4) Every sports fan watching (note, this does not count the dumb chicks and % of dudes who watch for the commercials and 'shshshshssh' people when the ads come on) was incredibly tense awaiting the inevitable Rex Grossman.org screw-up. The sun will rise tomorrow, you have to pay taxes, and that idiot will do something to cost his team. He forgot that the Superbowl is not a game of 500 on the playgound where the most important thing for the tosser is to throw the ball straight up in the air into a crowd.

5) The Career Builder ads were mint. The rest were huge letdowns/offensive. Review them here.

6) CBS stinks. Seriously. Get a wiper for the camera...maybe a de-fogging lense?

Whatever. Fun gathering.

I am really here to protest an injustice. One of my 2 favorite childhood sports heroes (the other was Cal Ripken) was once again denied entry into the Pro Football Hall of Hame. James Arthur Monk was once again the victim of lies and indefensible logic. This would be like Greg Maddux not getting into the Hall because he pitched on teams with other good pitchers.

I really cannot understand the arguments against his induction. You retire as the #1 pass catcher of all time, part of 3 different Super Bowl teams with 3 different QBs, and are regarded by your peers as one of the best to ever play the position, you go.

Video 1
Video 2
Video 3
Video 4
Video 5
Video 6

Watch. Educate yourself. That man belongs in the Hall of Fame. He belongs long before a cheating coke head that pushed off on 80% of his receptions and was just a cog in a series of great teams with a Hall of fame QB, HOF RB, and one of the 3 greatest offensive lines ever assembled. Complete farce. I'm tempted to drive to Canton wearing a Monk jersey holding up a sign that says "Irvin did cocaine and hired prostitutes and got caught doing it and then he stabbed a guy when he didn't like the haircut and then he got caught doing cocaine again." But Art Monk wouldn't want that. He would want to take make a 1st down. That's what he did. He made first downs.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

THIS IS A CRIME!!!!

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/02/01/AR2007020100452.html

Exxon posted near $40 BILLION in profits for 2006. They increased production to maximum levels to ease the 'crunch' provided by the middle east shabingus.

People, follow me on this. We are told that gas prices (as it pertains to what we pay at the pump, crude oil, natural gases etc.) are reflective of how difficult it is to acquire, process, and deliver to the consumer. We are sold this 'woe is us' from oil companies. Here comes some math. Warning. Warning. These are rough figures and estimates by me. They will prove a point I hope.

40 billion gas profit

2.7 million barrels per day x 365 days = 985,500,000 barrels of oil in 2006.

1 barrel of oil is approximately 42 gallons

985,500,000 x 42 = 41,391,000,000 gallons in 2006

41,391,000,000 gallons x an average price of $2.55 a gallon in 2006 = $105,547,050,000

105, 547,050,000 - 40,000,000,000 = 65,547,050,000

Exxon's costs were that last 65 billion and change. Let's see what happens when the average consumer price is some thing more palatable like $1.80

41, 391,000,000 (gallons) x $1.80 = 74,503,800,000

Let's subtract our cost from that total:

74,503,800,000 - 65,547,050,000 = 8,956,750,000

Almost a $9 billion dollar profit. Can you live with that? Instead of a record for profits (that Exxon keeps smashing), they have a 'modest' 9 billion.

I fully realize I haven't taken everything into account. I'm sure there are other factors. But I think the point stands. Exxon is profiting off of tragedy (1st it was Katrina now, the war). This is a crime against Americans. The single biggest outrage our country has EVER endured.

ExxonMobil gets the majority of it's product from the Middle East; with a large chunk of that coming from Saudi Arabia. We all know how I feel about Saudi Arabia. They are the catalysts in the war against the US. A percentage of every dollar that goes through the corrupt royal family, goes to the mosques, training grounds, and sometimes right to the militant groups themselves. We are quite literally funding terrorism through an American company.

I encourage you all to drive right past Exxon if you can.