Sorry homies and honies,
We just now got computer access back at work. The torrential rains and RUEA weather knocked out power and servers and other things that I don't understand how they work. I don't really have much time to type today.
I leave for France tomorrow afternoon for my boy Ramsey and girl Lucie's wedding (awk sentence structure. I am friends with both of them so its rude to just say one or the other) as they are marrying each other.
I suck at international travel. There are always details that everyone thinks are easy that are not easy. "You just take a cab to the hotel...", "Just give me a call..."
Oh, no problem. I'll just learn the language after my overnight flight, carry my absurdly awkward and heavy bags around, and just quickly dial your phone number from a pay phone. No, its no problem, I already know the country code and the strange city so I'll get there right on time...
Prediction: I wander the streets of Paris for upwards of 6 hours with my absurdly heavy bags. I offer to sell them to someone but they walk right past me because I do not speak French.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
Monday, June 26, 2006
Funny Danny's Quick Guide to Doing a Week of Shows at the DC Improv with Adam Ferrara
1) Adam Ferrara will be an incredibly nice guy. He'll be supportive and helpful as well as really funny and entertaining.
2) You will help Adam tape all his sets.
3) Chris White will feature that week and he will do well every show and you will get a glimpse first hand at what an up and coming pro-comic looks like.
4) You will try a different thing on the menu every night.
5) The grilled chicken sandwich will probably be the best thing you eat.
6) You will be really grateful to all of your friends that came to the show.
7) On the Sunday night show, you will find out 3 minutes before you go on, that your grandparents are coming to the show. You will soil yourself.
8) On the early show on Friday night, Kevin Nealon will do a surprise guest set.
9) He will be amazingly funny and the crowd will go apesh*t when you introduce him.
10) For a split second, you will feel like you actually accomplished something.
11) Your buddy Jay Hastings will do a guest set on Saturday and have a good set.
12) You will have an amazing time and each morning during the week, when your alarm goes off, you will be livid that you do not get to do comedy full time.
13) You'll be excited because you think you finally got some good dvd footage.
14) You'll get paid and chuckle to yourself because you know you would do it for free.
15) You'll thank Allyson and the DC Improv for having you that week because you had a blast.
16) You'll email Adam and re-write the email about 5 times because it makes you sound desperate.
17) Summary blog.
You should now be all-set.
Word is heard.
2) You will help Adam tape all his sets.
3) Chris White will feature that week and he will do well every show and you will get a glimpse first hand at what an up and coming pro-comic looks like.
4) You will try a different thing on the menu every night.
5) The grilled chicken sandwich will probably be the best thing you eat.
6) You will be really grateful to all of your friends that came to the show.
7) On the Sunday night show, you will find out 3 minutes before you go on, that your grandparents are coming to the show. You will soil yourself.
8) On the early show on Friday night, Kevin Nealon will do a surprise guest set.
9) He will be amazingly funny and the crowd will go apesh*t when you introduce him.
10) For a split second, you will feel like you actually accomplished something.
11) Your buddy Jay Hastings will do a guest set on Saturday and have a good set.
12) You will have an amazing time and each morning during the week, when your alarm goes off, you will be livid that you do not get to do comedy full time.
13) You'll be excited because you think you finally got some good dvd footage.
14) You'll get paid and chuckle to yourself because you know you would do it for free.
15) You'll thank Allyson and the DC Improv for having you that week because you had a blast.
16) You'll email Adam and re-write the email about 5 times because it makes you sound desperate.
17) Summary blog.
You should now be all-set.
Word is heard.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Do Yourselves a Favor
And come see Adam Ferrara before he leaves town. Do it. Do it. You won't regret it. I have never met a better guy in my brief comedy career. Incredible dude, incredible comic, above average wine connoisseur (I have no idea how to spell that word). Last night's show was a lot of fun.
My boy Ryan Conner rocked a guest set and ripped. That dude is frickin' good. I've said a lot of bad things about Ryan behind his back since the first time I saw him at Wiseacres in the winter of 2004, I've said a lot of bad things about him when he was just out of earshot so its not totally behind his back because he's in the room, and then I've softened my stance when he can hear me and I've said some lukewarm things about him to his face. Well I am hear to say that a lot of it is true, but the dude is good.
Chris White crushed after Ryan. That's just a good comic right there. 'Hey sir, what do you do?'
Chris: 'I'm a good comic'.
Random dude: 'Ahhhh...what does that mean?'
Chris: 'It means I have really good material and I always do well on stage because I know what I'm doing.'
Random dude: 'Ahhhhh...sweet.'
Then of course, Adam Ferrara, ripped the place apart for an hour. Incredible Thursday night show.
Topic change:
I have been getting some random myspace friend solicitations of late. At first, my myspace policy was to accept everyone as my friend always. I felt good about this policy. In the last couple of months, these fake girls have asked to be friends with me. It took me a few of them to figure it out but now I realize it. Its profiles like this:
"I'm Monika. I guess I'm a normal chica (lol plr plr :0) and I'm into guys who are real. If you want to chat, hit me up on MSN at _________. I also have a webcam so come check it out"
Weird. I now deny these profiles. Who knows what they are all about. The thing that strikes me is what kind of d-bag takes the time to make up a fake profile and then submit friend requests to struggling comics who wish they had 'the force' in Washington, DC? I can think of bigger wastes of time but not many. What purpose does it serve?
Myspace is under a lot of heat because of the Dateline show where they expose pedophiles. For the record, I am anti-pedophile. They are not cool. They are the parking enforcers of criminals in terms of their popularity. I secretly want someone to get a camera crew together, and try and surprise the Dateline crew with their own camera crew saying that they're doing a story on their story of strangers meeting and that he was posing as a pedera$$ to counter their person posing as a minor. Would someone get convicted if they did that? Like, if anyone from NAMBLA reads this blog, either set this camera crew thing in motion, or maybe...and this is crazy, stop loving little boys. It is extremely uncool and weird.
My boy Ryan Conner rocked a guest set and ripped. That dude is frickin' good. I've said a lot of bad things about Ryan behind his back since the first time I saw him at Wiseacres in the winter of 2004, I've said a lot of bad things about him when he was just out of earshot so its not totally behind his back because he's in the room, and then I've softened my stance when he can hear me and I've said some lukewarm things about him to his face. Well I am hear to say that a lot of it is true, but the dude is good.
Chris White crushed after Ryan. That's just a good comic right there. 'Hey sir, what do you do?'
Chris: 'I'm a good comic'.
Random dude: 'Ahhhh...what does that mean?'
Chris: 'It means I have really good material and I always do well on stage because I know what I'm doing.'
Random dude: 'Ahhhhh...sweet.'
Then of course, Adam Ferrara, ripped the place apart for an hour. Incredible Thursday night show.
Topic change:
I have been getting some random myspace friend solicitations of late. At first, my myspace policy was to accept everyone as my friend always. I felt good about this policy. In the last couple of months, these fake girls have asked to be friends with me. It took me a few of them to figure it out but now I realize it. Its profiles like this:
"I'm Monika. I guess I'm a normal chica (lol plr plr :0) and I'm into guys who are real. If you want to chat, hit me up on MSN at _________. I also have a webcam so come check it out"
Weird. I now deny these profiles. Who knows what they are all about. The thing that strikes me is what kind of d-bag takes the time to make up a fake profile and then submit friend requests to struggling comics who wish they had 'the force' in Washington, DC? I can think of bigger wastes of time but not many. What purpose does it serve?
Myspace is under a lot of heat because of the Dateline show where they expose pedophiles. For the record, I am anti-pedophile. They are not cool. They are the parking enforcers of criminals in terms of their popularity. I secretly want someone to get a camera crew together, and try and surprise the Dateline crew with their own camera crew saying that they're doing a story on their story of strangers meeting and that he was posing as a pedera$$ to counter their person posing as a minor. Would someone get convicted if they did that? Like, if anyone from NAMBLA reads this blog, either set this camera crew thing in motion, or maybe...and this is crazy, stop loving little boys. It is extremely uncool and weird.
Thursday, June 22, 2006
They Lied to Me So I'm Done
The World Cup will go on...Without me. Yes I'm bitter that the US lost. But, I had no illusions of us winning the whole thing and I honestly didn't see us getting out of group play. Why am I pissed?
The problems and issues that have plagued international soccer for years have not been fixed. They told me they were fixed. They are not. I was lied to and that's all.
Referees still have way too much impact on the game. Not only in the US games, but throughout the tournament, cards are being thrown around like pennies in a fountain. Penalties (like the ridiculous PK against the US today) are being awarded for acting.
Players are still aloud to take dives with little or no contact, waste 3 minutes in exchange for 30 seconds being added in stoppage time. You can't blame the players for this, as they are allowed to do it. Its the fact that they are allowed to that is the problem. This is why casual fans hate soccer. There was a crackdown for a few years and guys were award cards for taking dives but those days are gone. Guys are back to acting, falling down, writing around in 'anguish', getting carried off on a stretcher, bouncing back up and being on the field a minute later. As a result, I'm done with this Cup. Let me know who wins.
Easy way to solve this problem. If you get carried off on a stretcher, you can't come back into the game for 10 minutes. Problem solved.
DC Improv tonight. Rouhier, White, Ferarra = mirth.
The problems and issues that have plagued international soccer for years have not been fixed. They told me they were fixed. They are not. I was lied to and that's all.
Referees still have way too much impact on the game. Not only in the US games, but throughout the tournament, cards are being thrown around like pennies in a fountain. Penalties (like the ridiculous PK against the US today) are being awarded for acting.
Players are still aloud to take dives with little or no contact, waste 3 minutes in exchange for 30 seconds being added in stoppage time. You can't blame the players for this, as they are allowed to do it. Its the fact that they are allowed to that is the problem. This is why casual fans hate soccer. There was a crackdown for a few years and guys were award cards for taking dives but those days are gone. Guys are back to acting, falling down, writing around in 'anguish', getting carried off on a stretcher, bouncing back up and being on the field a minute later. As a result, I'm done with this Cup. Let me know who wins.
Easy way to solve this problem. If you get carried off on a stretcher, you can't come back into the game for 10 minutes. Problem solved.
DC Improv tonight. Rouhier, White, Ferarra = mirth.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
1 Down
and 7 more to go. Really fun show last night. I was a 7/10 and will be better tonight and beyond. Chris White and Adam Ferrara were both great last night as well. The point here is that people should see this show.
Was bantering with my special lady friend evening last. The discussion was over the greatest scenes in movie history. I came up with a really quick list but would love to receive input from peeps. The movie itself doesn't have to be awesome but it usually helps for a scene to realize its tightness. In no particular order, here they be:
-Godfather: The closing scene where Pacino lets Kate ask him about the business, then it pans back and the dudes roll up and kiss his ring. Just so tight
-Top Gun: She's Lost that Loving Feeling. Mint
-Heat: Deniro and Pacino having coffee. The whole time you're going: "I can't believe these guys are in the same scene..."
Star Wars: Its quick, but Luke standing and looking at the two suns of Tatooine setting. Chills everytime.
Empire Strikes Back: Han Solo Frozen in Carbonite..."I love you" - "I know". Wow
The Silence of the Lambs: Tie between Hannibal meeting Clarice for the first time and when she tells him why she ran away. Awesome
Shawshank Redemption: Tie between when Andy Dufresne asks Byron Hadley, "Do you trust your wife" and they end up drinking beers on the roof and Andy's escape.
Full Metal Jacket: the opening scene where the drill sergeant takes all the recruits to task in the barracks.
Pulp Fiction: Starting from when Travolta and Samuel L are talking about foot massages and then they go into Brad's place and kill everyone.
Raider's of the Lost Ark: The opening of the ark is pretty tight but I actually prefer the little face-off right before where Indy has the rocket pointed at it and can't destroy it...
The Shining: when the wife discovers the "All work and no play makes Jack a dully boy". mint
2001 A Space Odyssey: The end when they communicate with the ship with music.
Braveheart: The execution scene. Amazing
The 6th Sense: when the kid gets up in the middle of the night to make pee pee. Wow
and last but certainly not least:
Taxi Driver: "Are you talkin' to me?"
That was off the top of my head. Suggestions are welcome. Out.
Was bantering with my special lady friend evening last. The discussion was over the greatest scenes in movie history. I came up with a really quick list but would love to receive input from peeps. The movie itself doesn't have to be awesome but it usually helps for a scene to realize its tightness. In no particular order, here they be:
-Godfather: The closing scene where Pacino lets Kate ask him about the business, then it pans back and the dudes roll up and kiss his ring. Just so tight
-Top Gun: She's Lost that Loving Feeling. Mint
-Heat: Deniro and Pacino having coffee. The whole time you're going: "I can't believe these guys are in the same scene..."
Star Wars: Its quick, but Luke standing and looking at the two suns of Tatooine setting. Chills everytime.
Empire Strikes Back: Han Solo Frozen in Carbonite..."I love you" - "I know". Wow
The Silence of the Lambs: Tie between Hannibal meeting Clarice for the first time and when she tells him why she ran away. Awesome
Shawshank Redemption: Tie between when Andy Dufresne asks Byron Hadley, "Do you trust your wife" and they end up drinking beers on the roof and Andy's escape.
Full Metal Jacket: the opening scene where the drill sergeant takes all the recruits to task in the barracks.
Pulp Fiction: Starting from when Travolta and Samuel L are talking about foot massages and then they go into Brad's place and kill everyone.
Raider's of the Lost Ark: The opening of the ark is pretty tight but I actually prefer the little face-off right before where Indy has the rocket pointed at it and can't destroy it...
The Shining: when the wife discovers the "All work and no play makes Jack a dully boy". mint
2001 A Space Odyssey: The end when they communicate with the ship with music.
Braveheart: The execution scene. Amazing
The 6th Sense: when the kid gets up in the middle of the night to make pee pee. Wow
and last but certainly not least:
Taxi Driver: "Are you talkin' to me?"
That was off the top of my head. Suggestions are welcome. Out.
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
Tonight We Start
DC Improv tonight at 8:30. The week of humor begins in earnest. Go to the shows, be amused.
I want to be a comedian. I wish to entertain people for the rest of my life. I know this. I currently work in an office where I do not entertain people. This makes for an interesting juxtaposition of what I wish to do and what I must do.
Analogy: A rat is in a maze searching for a piece of cheese (note: the rat has really rosy cheeks). In the maze, he is asked to make copies, scan documents, send emails to the Helpdesk, wake up 3 hours earlier than he normally would, and generally spend a solid 9 hours per day completing tasks completely unrelated to eating cheese.
In addition to standup this week. There are some rumblings. Some, whispers of other tightness just over the horizon. I will not spoil anything before it comes to fruition because I do not begin counting chickens when another dude is holding the eggs on another continent. I do want you to know that there are eggs. They are seeds of mirth. That is all.
Come to the Improv this week or be destroyed.
I want to be a comedian. I wish to entertain people for the rest of my life. I know this. I currently work in an office where I do not entertain people. This makes for an interesting juxtaposition of what I wish to do and what I must do.
Analogy: A rat is in a maze searching for a piece of cheese (note: the rat has really rosy cheeks). In the maze, he is asked to make copies, scan documents, send emails to the Helpdesk, wake up 3 hours earlier than he normally would, and generally spend a solid 9 hours per day completing tasks completely unrelated to eating cheese.
In addition to standup this week. There are some rumblings. Some, whispers of other tightness just over the horizon. I will not spoil anything before it comes to fruition because I do not begin counting chickens when another dude is holding the eggs on another continent. I do want you to know that there are eggs. They are seeds of mirth. That is all.
Come to the Improv this week or be destroyed.
Monday, June 19, 2006
DC Improv
Starting tomorrow night, I'm at the DC Improv with headliner Adam Ferrara. He is an incredible comic and humans should see these shows. Here's the show lineup:
Tuesday: 8:30
Wednesday: 8:30
Thursday: 8:30
Friday: 8:00 and 10:30
Saturday: 8:00 and 10:30
Sunday: 8:00
DC Improv info and tickets HERE.
Adam Ferrara info HERE.
Information on how to tell a Frog from a Toad HERE.
Tuesday: 8:30
Wednesday: 8:30
Thursday: 8:30
Friday: 8:00 and 10:30
Saturday: 8:00 and 10:30
Sunday: 8:00
DC Improv info and tickets HERE.
Adam Ferrara info HERE.
Information on how to tell a Frog from a Toad HERE.
Friday, June 16, 2006
Who Gets Sick During the Summer?
I do apparently. I have some kind of devastating head cold thing that honks most vociferously. I have been in a shell all day and am currently stealing the internet.com from an unsuspecting high next door neigbhbor. I am not judging, merely stating factual information.
The only time out of the house for me today was a quick trip to CVS for beverages. My new favorite type of person is the apthetic CVS employee. Listen, I've had terrible jobs. I hanged chicken wire with 7 mexicans in flannel shirts in 100 degree heat in Waynesboro, VA for a summer, I carried crates and boxes of Parmalot Milk products around a warehouse (no one should ever drink this brand of milk at any time), and I was a banquet engineer at the Georgia World Congress Center so, I get that you don't like your gig. I get that you have better stuff to do but hey ummm, Dominiqua (that was her name)? At least ask me if I have a CVS card. Seriously. I had to point it out to you and it saved me $4...That's a big deal at CVS.
Not advocating, just spitballing ideas...a form of cattle prod...these are ideas people.
Next week, DC Improv with comic stud Adam Ferrara. Tues-Sunday. www.dcimprov.com for knowledge.
The only time out of the house for me today was a quick trip to CVS for beverages. My new favorite type of person is the apthetic CVS employee. Listen, I've had terrible jobs. I hanged chicken wire with 7 mexicans in flannel shirts in 100 degree heat in Waynesboro, VA for a summer, I carried crates and boxes of Parmalot Milk products around a warehouse (no one should ever drink this brand of milk at any time), and I was a banquet engineer at the Georgia World Congress Center so, I get that you don't like your gig. I get that you have better stuff to do but hey ummm, Dominiqua (that was her name)? At least ask me if I have a CVS card. Seriously. I had to point it out to you and it saved me $4...That's a big deal at CVS.
Not advocating, just spitballing ideas...a form of cattle prod...these are ideas people.
Next week, DC Improv with comic stud Adam Ferrara. Tues-Sunday. www.dcimprov.com for knowledge.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Funny Danny: Advisor and Helper of Women
Below is an actual email transcription between A lady friend of mine and myself. She was seeking some advice regarding a situation her friend is currently facing with regards to a dude. Free advice. You are welcome:
From lady friend:
Ok, I am stalking you apparently. I have a question:
You live in NYC and at a gathering at a bar to meet your friends, you mean Jennifer *. She is cute, friendly, easy to get along w/. You and she end up doing some minor hooking up and crashing at your place. Things have gone well and you'd like to see her again. She spends most weekends out of town and you've got a lot going on as well. You get together last night at a bar where you talk for hours and have a great time. There is some making out, but you take her back to her place in a cab and walk her to her door. Both parties have had a good time.
Here is the question:
If she texts or calls w/in the next couple of days to say that she had a good time, how does this make you feel?
Pressured?
She is desperate?
Glad?
Next Question:
Do you think it is the guy's responsibility to make the first couple of dates happen?
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of ________'s friend.
From Funny Danny:
I think you are asking the wrong man Homeslice. My reaction might differ from a lot of dudes.
There are a few things to consider and we need to be as objective as possible here, sparing no feelings if we are to get to the root of all this.
1) Best Available Bait Theorem: Girls don't know about this. Basically, there is a sliding scale of attainability (hotness levels and every girl thinks her friend is way cuter than she is) and take down likelihood %. We really need to analyze here and see if the dude is a lion (takes down the weakest of the heard) or a cheetah (minimal efforts at anything that comes by) or a pack dog (will stalk its pray for dozens of miles and has no fear about taking down much stronger animals). Again, I can't know this; I encourage you to be as objective as you can be when analyzing the dude in question.
2) I am a lion. In so much as I like girls that like me. Plain and simple. I am astoundingly insecure and its near crippling. This is why I chose stand-up comedy. A lot of men are like me but project another image entirely and are not honest with themselves. I just wish to feel accepted. This is a long way of saying I would be beyond thrilled with any sort of initiative taken by a girl. Just ecstatic. Here is the caveat: men are stupid. Always. This is factual. Some do it soon, others do it later but we all do the following: if something be convenient and easy, we take it for granted. I usually wait until several months into the relationship sabotage things but there are many dudes that if its too easy early on, will cast something good aside. Many males, if a conquest comes to easily, will lose interest (cheetahs). This is why its always critical if a relationship is desired, woodshed activities do not transpire too early.
3) My least favorite thing in life are girls that play games. As mentioned in #2, men are stupid. But, men are also easy. We are simple creatures and women ALWAYS give men too much credit. Chris Rock said it best: 'Feed Me, F*ck Me, and Shut the F*ck Up'. Harsh? Yes. But, it reflects how simplistic men are. We are driven by basic needs as rational creatures. Women, in their very nature, are irrational. Any unpredictable action by a man is a direct result of a man attempting to anticipate a response from a women. A rational creature attempting to predict the response of an irrational creature leads to chaos as an accurate prediction is impossible. It is of course possible for a dude to make the right move but this is pure coincidence and no reflection on his abilities.
4) Common practices indicate that the responsibility for the first few interactions should be initiated by the male. Inherently, men are pursuers and they apprise this role within the dating scene. Role reversals for certain male groups (lions) are incredibly desirable however. If I get an invitation (which I did with my current special lady friend (who is incredible by the way)) I feel wondrous.
5) What's the bottom line out of all of this? I shall tell you. Text him, say that you had a good time. If he gets 'freaked' or something silly, he's not a tight dude and your lady friend should have no further interactions anyway. My advice is always for the lady in question to eliminate the 'games' aspect of dating. If you feel like doing something do it. If dude cannot handle it, he's not for you and we all move on. She needs to realize that she has already won. She has had a good time with a dude and that's all you can ask for. If this works out, great if it doesn't, any negatives are outweighed by the joy from their time together. We move on to continue the little dance we call dating. Sometimes it doesn't work out and its no one's fault. Big picture baby...
Hope this helps.
FunnyDanny
From lady friend:
Ok, I am stalking you apparently. I have a question:
You live in NYC and at a gathering at a bar to meet your friends, you mean Jennifer *. She is cute, friendly, easy to get along w/. You and she end up doing some minor hooking up and crashing at your place. Things have gone well and you'd like to see her again. She spends most weekends out of town and you've got a lot going on as well. You get together last night at a bar where you talk for hours and have a great time. There is some making out, but you take her back to her place in a cab and walk her to her door. Both parties have had a good time.
Here is the question:
If she texts or calls w/in the next couple of days to say that she had a good time, how does this make you feel?
Pressured?
She is desperate?
Glad?
Next Question:
Do you think it is the guy's responsibility to make the first couple of dates happen?
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of ________'s friend.
From Funny Danny:
I think you are asking the wrong man Homeslice. My reaction might differ from a lot of dudes.
There are a few things to consider and we need to be as objective as possible here, sparing no feelings if we are to get to the root of all this.
1) Best Available Bait Theorem: Girls don't know about this. Basically, there is a sliding scale of attainability (hotness levels and every girl thinks her friend is way cuter than she is) and take down likelihood %. We really need to analyze here and see if the dude is a lion (takes down the weakest of the heard) or a cheetah (minimal efforts at anything that comes by) or a pack dog (will stalk its pray for dozens of miles and has no fear about taking down much stronger animals). Again, I can't know this; I encourage you to be as objective as you can be when analyzing the dude in question.
2) I am a lion. In so much as I like girls that like me. Plain and simple. I am astoundingly insecure and its near crippling. This is why I chose stand-up comedy. A lot of men are like me but project another image entirely and are not honest with themselves. I just wish to feel accepted. This is a long way of saying I would be beyond thrilled with any sort of initiative taken by a girl. Just ecstatic. Here is the caveat: men are stupid. Always. This is factual. Some do it soon, others do it later but we all do the following: if something be convenient and easy, we take it for granted. I usually wait until several months into the relationship sabotage things but there are many dudes that if its too easy early on, will cast something good aside. Many males, if a conquest comes to easily, will lose interest (cheetahs). This is why its always critical if a relationship is desired, woodshed activities do not transpire too early.
3) My least favorite thing in life are girls that play games. As mentioned in #2, men are stupid. But, men are also easy. We are simple creatures and women ALWAYS give men too much credit. Chris Rock said it best: 'Feed Me, F*ck Me, and Shut the F*ck Up'. Harsh? Yes. But, it reflects how simplistic men are. We are driven by basic needs as rational creatures. Women, in their very nature, are irrational. Any unpredictable action by a man is a direct result of a man attempting to anticipate a response from a women. A rational creature attempting to predict the response of an irrational creature leads to chaos as an accurate prediction is impossible. It is of course possible for a dude to make the right move but this is pure coincidence and no reflection on his abilities.
4) Common practices indicate that the responsibility for the first few interactions should be initiated by the male. Inherently, men are pursuers and they apprise this role within the dating scene. Role reversals for certain male groups (lions) are incredibly desirable however. If I get an invitation (which I did with my current special lady friend (who is incredible by the way)) I feel wondrous.
5) What's the bottom line out of all of this? I shall tell you. Text him, say that you had a good time. If he gets 'freaked' or something silly, he's not a tight dude and your lady friend should have no further interactions anyway. My advice is always for the lady in question to eliminate the 'games' aspect of dating. If you feel like doing something do it. If dude cannot handle it, he's not for you and we all move on. She needs to realize that she has already won. She has had a good time with a dude and that's all you can ask for. If this works out, great if it doesn't, any negatives are outweighed by the joy from their time together. We move on to continue the little dance we call dating. Sometimes it doesn't work out and its no one's fault. Big picture baby...
Hope this helps.
FunnyDanny
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Modern Marvels
Quick fact: If you need a foot doctor and you live in Northern Virginia, go see Dr. Coster. Tightness. 703 379 0700
Arbitrarily, I am going to now list the all time most underrated tight inventions. Everyone remembers the big inventions like the printing press, the wheel, and flight. These are the things that we forget how tight they are and if we were without them, life as humans would be unmirthfull.
10) Shoes: it hurts to walk barefoot.
9) Deodorant: People stink without this substance. Amazing
8) Toothpaste: makes brushing that much more effective end eliminates young breath. Note: I did not know to brush my tongue until I was 18; never heard it or thought of it. It really helps eliminate young breath.
7) Movies: it gives dudes stuff to quote and gives chicks the following list of comments: A) I've seen parts of it B) I can't remember quotes like that C) Every guy remembers movie quotes, that is so weird!
6) Sports: recreation, exercise, competition as opposed to wars and running.
5) Cheese: The tightest food. Every non-desert is enhanced with cheese (except cereal). No idea how it is made but I am cool with that. If you have to ask yourself, do I have enough cheese? The answer is no because if you had enough, you wouldn't have to ask.
4) The internet.com: What would people do at work?
3) Gatorade: So da*mned refreshing.
2) Sundresses: the ultimate female enhancer. There needs to be a constitutional amendment that states that if the temp is between 67-100, females must wear sundresses. It makes 5s look like 8s. They are wondrous and should always be worn always. Whoever makes the fashion trends is foolish. I wish to strike that person in the face until he/she relents and makes sundresses the fashion always.
1) Air Conditioning: the ultimate RUYA to nature. We can live in harsh climates and be comfortable. Changing the temperature to our liking is the greatest underrated invention of all time.
That's it and that's all.
Arbitrarily, I am going to now list the all time most underrated tight inventions. Everyone remembers the big inventions like the printing press, the wheel, and flight. These are the things that we forget how tight they are and if we were without them, life as humans would be unmirthfull.
10) Shoes: it hurts to walk barefoot.
9) Deodorant: People stink without this substance. Amazing
8) Toothpaste: makes brushing that much more effective end eliminates young breath. Note: I did not know to brush my tongue until I was 18; never heard it or thought of it. It really helps eliminate young breath.
7) Movies: it gives dudes stuff to quote and gives chicks the following list of comments: A) I've seen parts of it B) I can't remember quotes like that C) Every guy remembers movie quotes, that is so weird!
6) Sports: recreation, exercise, competition as opposed to wars and running.
5) Cheese: The tightest food. Every non-desert is enhanced with cheese (except cereal). No idea how it is made but I am cool with that. If you have to ask yourself, do I have enough cheese? The answer is no because if you had enough, you wouldn't have to ask.
4) The internet.com: What would people do at work?
3) Gatorade: So da*mned refreshing.
2) Sundresses: the ultimate female enhancer. There needs to be a constitutional amendment that states that if the temp is between 67-100, females must wear sundresses. It makes 5s look like 8s. They are wondrous and should always be worn always. Whoever makes the fashion trends is foolish. I wish to strike that person in the face until he/she relents and makes sundresses the fashion always.
1) Air Conditioning: the ultimate RUYA to nature. We can live in harsh climates and be comfortable. Changing the temperature to our liking is the greatest underrated invention of all time.
That's it and that's all.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
And You Are?...
This past Saturday I did a benefit show for the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life event at George Mason University. Note: I am a good person.
The stage was outside by the track as teams of volunteers walked around (at least one person from each team has to walk around the track at all times for 24 hours). There were several people milling about in tents and other places. When the MC made the announcement that there would be a comedian in a few minutes, a cricket chirped and the force of the chirping sent tumbleweed in front of the stage. But sure enough, right before I went on, folks descended en mass to the area right in front of the stage. We had a blast as I did about an hour. Really fun, really cool crowd doing something awesome. The sound was pretty loud so the peeps on the track could hear me and I would get the thumbs up for a good joke as someone walked by. Mint.
They had a huge variety of acts throughout the day including; a singing group, a band, and a karate demonstration. I had to talk about the karate demonstration. I did my own tae kwan do joke which I like right now and then some improv about karate and how every 80s kid loved karate after the karate kid came out. We all wanted a hard a$$ sensei like the leader of the Cobra Kai dojo (I can't remember his name...oh yes I can it was John Kreese. You do not mess with my dazzling random knowledge b*tches. Also, for the record, the nastiest Cobra Kai was actually Dutch. The dude with the curly blonde hair that did the neck roll before he fought Daniel in the quarterfinals of the All Valley Karate Tournament. I think you could have switched him and Johnny (William Zabka) and been fine). It was pretty funny but there was a point when I was acting it out that I felt dangerously close to doing Rory Scovel's karate joke which is a filthy joke so, I awkwardly stopped when people were liking at and had no sort of transition...weird.
I'm very sensitive about that; that is, coming close to doing other people's jokes. I wasn't doing Rory's, but just the fact that I was talking about karate, felt dirty. I have this idea about an aspect of gay marriage that I think is funny but my boy Ryan Conner has a wondrous joke about it, so I almost feel like I can't do it even though it has nothing to do with what he talks about other than the general subject of gay marriage. Basically, I am very insecure and awkward.
I fear that the United States soccer team may not only lose 3 games in this World Cup but it may be like '98 when we don't even score a goal and everyone in the world giggles at us. This is the world's game and it would mean so much for us to be good. We are good at all the games we invented and the rest of the world is catching up (basketball, baseball). We need to catch up with soccer. We've got enough athletes that we should be able to compete. I am not inclined to think that we are poorly coached or that we don't have enough talent so I'm not sure what the deal is. I do know that we looked completely outclassed by a great team yesterday. The Czechs are one of the best 5 teams in the world in my opinion so no shame in losing but, at some point, if you wish to be considered a great team, you've got to do something against the world's best. I hope I'm wrong and we come out and do something magical against Italy...or Italy gets lost on the way to the stadium and has to forfeit...
I shall plug this further but next week, I am at the DC Improv with one of my favorite comics in the world, Adam Ferrara. Shows are going all week starting Tuesday and run through Sunday. Tuesday-Thursday shows are at 8:30, Friday and Saturday 2 shows at 8: 10:30, and Sunday at 8. He's amazing and I am also amazing but less amazing than he is.
The stage was outside by the track as teams of volunteers walked around (at least one person from each team has to walk around the track at all times for 24 hours). There were several people milling about in tents and other places. When the MC made the announcement that there would be a comedian in a few minutes, a cricket chirped and the force of the chirping sent tumbleweed in front of the stage. But sure enough, right before I went on, folks descended en mass to the area right in front of the stage. We had a blast as I did about an hour. Really fun, really cool crowd doing something awesome. The sound was pretty loud so the peeps on the track could hear me and I would get the thumbs up for a good joke as someone walked by. Mint.
They had a huge variety of acts throughout the day including; a singing group, a band, and a karate demonstration. I had to talk about the karate demonstration. I did my own tae kwan do joke which I like right now and then some improv about karate and how every 80s kid loved karate after the karate kid came out. We all wanted a hard a$$ sensei like the leader of the Cobra Kai dojo (I can't remember his name...oh yes I can it was John Kreese. You do not mess with my dazzling random knowledge b*tches. Also, for the record, the nastiest Cobra Kai was actually Dutch. The dude with the curly blonde hair that did the neck roll before he fought Daniel in the quarterfinals of the All Valley Karate Tournament. I think you could have switched him and Johnny (William Zabka) and been fine). It was pretty funny but there was a point when I was acting it out that I felt dangerously close to doing Rory Scovel's karate joke which is a filthy joke so, I awkwardly stopped when people were liking at and had no sort of transition...weird.
I'm very sensitive about that; that is, coming close to doing other people's jokes. I wasn't doing Rory's, but just the fact that I was talking about karate, felt dirty. I have this idea about an aspect of gay marriage that I think is funny but my boy Ryan Conner has a wondrous joke about it, so I almost feel like I can't do it even though it has nothing to do with what he talks about other than the general subject of gay marriage. Basically, I am very insecure and awkward.
I fear that the United States soccer team may not only lose 3 games in this World Cup but it may be like '98 when we don't even score a goal and everyone in the world giggles at us. This is the world's game and it would mean so much for us to be good. We are good at all the games we invented and the rest of the world is catching up (basketball, baseball). We need to catch up with soccer. We've got enough athletes that we should be able to compete. I am not inclined to think that we are poorly coached or that we don't have enough talent so I'm not sure what the deal is. I do know that we looked completely outclassed by a great team yesterday. The Czechs are one of the best 5 teams in the world in my opinion so no shame in losing but, at some point, if you wish to be considered a great team, you've got to do something against the world's best. I hope I'm wrong and we come out and do something magical against Italy...or Italy gets lost on the way to the stadium and has to forfeit...
I shall plug this further but next week, I am at the DC Improv with one of my favorite comics in the world, Adam Ferrara. Shows are going all week starting Tuesday and run through Sunday. Tuesday-Thursday shows are at 8:30, Friday and Saturday 2 shows at 8: 10:30, and Sunday at 8. He's amazing and I am also amazing but less amazing than he is.
Monday, June 12, 2006
Manana
Sorry. Didn't have enough time to post today and I am sans internet.com at my residence for a spell as Comcast and I are in a transitional period...
More tomorrow.
More tomorrow.
Well Kiss My Grits...
I was dead wrong people. Your FunnyDanny is an accountable comic and he'll tell you when he is wrong as long as it is a good story and I can write about it. I'm going to tell it this afternoon after the US plays. I'm headed over to a bar to watch that shizzle shortly.
I'm nervously excited. A point would be great but a win would be filthy.
Enjoy your mid-day b*tches.
I'm nervously excited. A point would be great but a win would be filthy.
Enjoy your mid-day b*tches.
Friday, June 09, 2006
Friday Night at 8...Got Myself a Date...
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/06/08/AR2006060801799.html
My boy Mike O'Connor continues to pitch well for the Nationals. Alfonso Soriano continues to be a one-man offensive wrecking crew. The nats are approaching respectability and its mainly because of these two guys. The Nats were desperate for some starting pitching help and Okie has come in and kept them in every game. He hasn't given up more than 3 runs in any start. That is just plain awesome. Ask any manager what they want out of a starting pitcher and he'll tell you that they hope their starter gives his team a chance to win every time out. That is exactly what Okie is doing. Kudos young man. I watched his post game interview and freaked out as I remember him sitting in front of his locker for our 5:45 AM practice with a mouthful of nutter butters dozing off to sleep...
The world cup starts very soon with Germany playing Costa Rica. I'm recording lots of games and planning on watching said games. Note: the world cup is mirthful.
I'm doing a benefit show for the American Cancer Society tomorrow night at George Mason University. The show is at the track and field house which is by the Patriot Center. The show is going on for the better part of the afternoon. I do not go on until 11 PM. Yes that's right, 11 PM. That's after the Wizards dancers, a singing group, 2 bands and a break. This is one of those shows where I have zero expectation of doing well and can foresee the organizer apologizing profusely because the audience didn't care one iota about my performance. I will tell her its no problem because I am a nice guy and will feel good about myself because I bothered people who were doing charity work...Information about the event here.
My boy Mike O'Connor continues to pitch well for the Nationals. Alfonso Soriano continues to be a one-man offensive wrecking crew. The nats are approaching respectability and its mainly because of these two guys. The Nats were desperate for some starting pitching help and Okie has come in and kept them in every game. He hasn't given up more than 3 runs in any start. That is just plain awesome. Ask any manager what they want out of a starting pitcher and he'll tell you that they hope their starter gives his team a chance to win every time out. That is exactly what Okie is doing. Kudos young man. I watched his post game interview and freaked out as I remember him sitting in front of his locker for our 5:45 AM practice with a mouthful of nutter butters dozing off to sleep...
The world cup starts very soon with Germany playing Costa Rica. I'm recording lots of games and planning on watching said games. Note: the world cup is mirthful.
I'm doing a benefit show for the American Cancer Society tomorrow night at George Mason University. The show is at the track and field house which is by the Patriot Center. The show is going on for the better part of the afternoon. I do not go on until 11 PM. Yes that's right, 11 PM. That's after the Wizards dancers, a singing group, 2 bands and a break. This is one of those shows where I have zero expectation of doing well and can foresee the organizer apologizing profusely because the audience didn't care one iota about my performance. I will tell her its no problem because I am a nice guy and will feel good about myself because I bothered people who were doing charity work...Information about the event here.
Thursday, June 08, 2006
I Got A Fever
And I am going to the doctor today. Not for a fever in fact but for something else. My big toes on both my feet hurt. I'm going to get them fixed. I have weird feet. I'm a little under 6 feet tall but have size 13 feet. I should be about 6'3" or so. Note: If I was that tall, I would be writing a blog about how cool it is to be playing in the major leagues. I have enormous big toes. If they were normal sized or more to scale, I'd probably have size 11.5 shoes. But they're not, they're freakishly big so I wear 13s.
When I was 13, my feet, shins, back, and knees were really bothering me during basketball season. I heard all sorts of things like, 'he's just growing', 'its common soreness', 'the white kid with the bowl cut shoots every time he touches it', 'you're kid just slapped my kid in the n*ts!' Everyone secretly thought I was just being kind of p*ssy; complaining about pain. Finally, I convinced my dad to take me to the doctor. Upon completion of his examination, he said: "there is absolutely nothing wrong with you."
Before I could protest, I caught a glance from my dad that said: "You little b*tch..."
Just then, the doctor says: "What sized shoes do you wear?"
Right before the season started we had gone and bought some sized 9.5 Dee Brown black Reebok pumps (that shoe was game tight. I don't care what anyone says. When he pumped them up at the dunk contest, I almost lactated).
"9 and a half," I replied.
"Let me measure your feet."
He measured my feet and they were sized 13. My foot had grown 3.5 shoe sizes in less than 6 weeks. My shoes were too small so I had to get new ones. Note: it broke my heart that we couldn't buy new Dee Brown's for half the season. We got A pair of sized 13 FILAs which were on sale. They looked like moon boots and people called them 'moon boots' (I looked, but I couldn't find an image for you).
It then occured to me that I was 13 and had sized 13 feet. I was still a small lad but was brimming with hope that I would one day be a big dude. I asked the doctor the following:
"If I have size 13 feet and am 13, how big do you think I'll get?"
Dr. Liar: "Well, looking at your chart...........My bet is that you'll end up about 6' 3" or 4"..."
(Me, making the same face that a 4 year old makes when he comes down stairs and he sees a bycicle on christmas morning and he thinks he is a big kid)
I have delusions at that point where I believe I will be able to play both baseball and basketball in college like my quasi-hero Rusty Larue who played 3 sports at Wake Forest. This led to me wasting hours and hours playing basketball...I'll grow any day now...Its gonna happen...
My boy Mike O'Connor pitches against the Phillies tonight. All Okie does is keep his team in the game and give them a chance to win. Knowledge http://washington.nationals.mlb.com/.
When I was 13, my feet, shins, back, and knees were really bothering me during basketball season. I heard all sorts of things like, 'he's just growing', 'its common soreness', 'the white kid with the bowl cut shoots every time he touches it', 'you're kid just slapped my kid in the n*ts!' Everyone secretly thought I was just being kind of p*ssy; complaining about pain. Finally, I convinced my dad to take me to the doctor. Upon completion of his examination, he said: "there is absolutely nothing wrong with you."
Before I could protest, I caught a glance from my dad that said: "You little b*tch..."
Just then, the doctor says: "What sized shoes do you wear?"
Right before the season started we had gone and bought some sized 9.5 Dee Brown black Reebok pumps (that shoe was game tight. I don't care what anyone says. When he pumped them up at the dunk contest, I almost lactated).
"9 and a half," I replied.
"Let me measure your feet."
He measured my feet and they were sized 13. My foot had grown 3.5 shoe sizes in less than 6 weeks. My shoes were too small so I had to get new ones. Note: it broke my heart that we couldn't buy new Dee Brown's for half the season. We got A pair of sized 13 FILAs which were on sale. They looked like moon boots and people called them 'moon boots' (I looked, but I couldn't find an image for you).
It then occured to me that I was 13 and had sized 13 feet. I was still a small lad but was brimming with hope that I would one day be a big dude. I asked the doctor the following:
"If I have size 13 feet and am 13, how big do you think I'll get?"
Dr. Liar: "Well, looking at your chart...........My bet is that you'll end up about 6' 3" or 4"..."
(Me, making the same face that a 4 year old makes when he comes down stairs and he sees a bycicle on christmas morning and he thinks he is a big kid)
I have delusions at that point where I believe I will be able to play both baseball and basketball in college like my quasi-hero Rusty Larue who played 3 sports at Wake Forest. This led to me wasting hours and hours playing basketball...I'll grow any day now...Its gonna happen...
My boy Mike O'Connor pitches against the Phillies tonight. All Okie does is keep his team in the game and give them a chance to win. Knowledge http://washington.nationals.mlb.com/.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Last Night at Nanny's...
Was like the filming of Young Guns III. It was awesome. The crowd wasn't huge but it was a super fun show.
Justin Schlegel, Rory Scovel, Jon Mumma, Ryan Conner, Seaton Smith, and Frank Hong all crushed. Jaystings did a great job getting the show together and making it fun. He did a 'pull the name out of the hat' for the show order. I had fun. Hopefully, the Nanny's shows will be mirthful again. I think the best way to insure the mirth is to only put good comics on.
Is that harsh? Affirmative. Is it necessary? Affirmative. Its not an open mic, its a showcase. The reason why the show went south was because it got treated like a monthly open mic. The quality of the show suffered, good comics who got on were met with audiences who had been soured by less than stellar performances so, the good comics would mail it in or try new stuff as well. Jaystings is booking it now though so this will change. He's going to build up a show in a great location purely based on quality show production.
This town is ready for it. We can get past the 'I'll get this guy on because he brings people' stuff. We can do it. I'm going to this show every month even if I'm not on. Some are going to b*tch at Jaystings because A) they can't get on and B) he puts his friends on.
1) If you can't get on, its because you're probably not ready to. This is not an insult. It just means you've got a lot of work to do; the same way that all of us have worked our a$$es off to get decent enough to have 10 minutes where we can bring it.
2) Jay's friends, many of which he booked last night, are all amazing comics who are really funny. If you're going to get pissed because Jay books his friends, look me in the eye and tell me that you are better than Rory, Jon, Doug Powell, Ryan, or Justin. You're not. You can't tell me that you are more deserving of a showcase spot than they are. Last night, some D-bag tried to ruin the show early on. Rory did 5 minutes acting out how terrible that dude was. No one else in this area could have done that. Every comic got up from his seat and watched. When you are on stage, do the other comics want to get up and watch you?
As I've mentioned in previous blogs, comedy is growing in DC. There are so many more people around here doing standup than there were a couple years ago when I started. There are more rooms and more outlets for comics but still not enough to meet the swelling demands for stage time. This is not a new problem. When I first started, I'd go to Wiseacres with the 20 other comics and be lucky if I got to do 5 minutes. Even after I established myself and did the Showcase there, I couldn't get onto 4 straight shows. That's what happens. Stage time is precious. At a few places in the area, young comics (I mean young in the sense of how long they've been doing this) get more stage time than they deserve. I think this is a disservice to them and to the show itself.
-a comic that routinely does 7 minutes and isn't ready for that much time absolutely halts any momentum or good rythm to a show. Fact.
-If a comic is granted that much time and isn't ready for it, he/she will actually lose a lot of opportunity to get better. Economy of words and getting material tight is a huge challenge for newbies (I still struggle with this mightily). If you are first starting, you may take 7 minutes, but it doesn't mean you have 7 minutes.
This is a long way of saying that no has any right to b*tch at Jaystings about the Nanny's showcase. He's at tons of open mics. He'll see you. Its not a race. If you're ready, you'll get on. This is an open plea to Jaystings to not fall into the trappings of wanting to make people happy. Comics can be manipulative. Don't put anyone on unless you feel comfortable with them. Nanny's should be a great spot again soon!
Justin Schlegel, Rory Scovel, Jon Mumma, Ryan Conner, Seaton Smith, and Frank Hong all crushed. Jaystings did a great job getting the show together and making it fun. He did a 'pull the name out of the hat' for the show order. I had fun. Hopefully, the Nanny's shows will be mirthful again. I think the best way to insure the mirth is to only put good comics on.
Is that harsh? Affirmative. Is it necessary? Affirmative. Its not an open mic, its a showcase. The reason why the show went south was because it got treated like a monthly open mic. The quality of the show suffered, good comics who got on were met with audiences who had been soured by less than stellar performances so, the good comics would mail it in or try new stuff as well. Jaystings is booking it now though so this will change. He's going to build up a show in a great location purely based on quality show production.
This town is ready for it. We can get past the 'I'll get this guy on because he brings people' stuff. We can do it. I'm going to this show every month even if I'm not on. Some are going to b*tch at Jaystings because A) they can't get on and B) he puts his friends on.
1) If you can't get on, its because you're probably not ready to. This is not an insult. It just means you've got a lot of work to do; the same way that all of us have worked our a$$es off to get decent enough to have 10 minutes where we can bring it.
2) Jay's friends, many of which he booked last night, are all amazing comics who are really funny. If you're going to get pissed because Jay books his friends, look me in the eye and tell me that you are better than Rory, Jon, Doug Powell, Ryan, or Justin. You're not. You can't tell me that you are more deserving of a showcase spot than they are. Last night, some D-bag tried to ruin the show early on. Rory did 5 minutes acting out how terrible that dude was. No one else in this area could have done that. Every comic got up from his seat and watched. When you are on stage, do the other comics want to get up and watch you?
As I've mentioned in previous blogs, comedy is growing in DC. There are so many more people around here doing standup than there were a couple years ago when I started. There are more rooms and more outlets for comics but still not enough to meet the swelling demands for stage time. This is not a new problem. When I first started, I'd go to Wiseacres with the 20 other comics and be lucky if I got to do 5 minutes. Even after I established myself and did the Showcase there, I couldn't get onto 4 straight shows. That's what happens. Stage time is precious. At a few places in the area, young comics (I mean young in the sense of how long they've been doing this) get more stage time than they deserve. I think this is a disservice to them and to the show itself.
-a comic that routinely does 7 minutes and isn't ready for that much time absolutely halts any momentum or good rythm to a show. Fact.
-If a comic is granted that much time and isn't ready for it, he/she will actually lose a lot of opportunity to get better. Economy of words and getting material tight is a huge challenge for newbies (I still struggle with this mightily). If you are first starting, you may take 7 minutes, but it doesn't mean you have 7 minutes.
This is a long way of saying that no has any right to b*tch at Jaystings about the Nanny's showcase. He's at tons of open mics. He'll see you. Its not a race. If you're ready, you'll get on. This is an open plea to Jaystings to not fall into the trappings of wanting to make people happy. Comics can be manipulative. Don't put anyone on unless you feel comfortable with them. Nanny's should be a great spot again soon!
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Yeah, I was scared. Stop judging
The Omen isn't the scariest movie ever made. I think its a cool horror flick and I enjoyed the film despite the fact that I cannot look into my bathroom mirror for the foreseeable future. There are several times when you jump because of surprise moments. These are all nicely done.
But what really scared me (and not Rory or jaystings) were the ideas that the story throws out there. The idea that you or I really has no control. We could be marked for doom and have no idea. That scares me.
My fellow movie-goers were not scared at all. Jaystings was openly mocking me for being afraid. I believe that Jaystings is a robot who does not know fear. Like the Terminators.
I cannot figure out why I subject myself to scary movies. I am very susceptible to having them haunt my every waking hour. Its probably the same thing that makes me like women.
I have to buy shoes today. I don't know the name of the kind of shoe I need. I don't really know the names of stuff like that. The other day, I learned that I have a pair of pants with pleats. I also learned that this was bad. This is probably the way in which I am the furthest away from adulthood. The knowing of things like this.
Come to Nanny's tonight for it shall be grand. Show starts at 8:30 because that is when shows start. 3319 Connecticut Avenue Washington, DC 20008
But what really scared me (and not Rory or jaystings) were the ideas that the story throws out there. The idea that you or I really has no control. We could be marked for doom and have no idea. That scares me.
My fellow movie-goers were not scared at all. Jaystings was openly mocking me for being afraid. I believe that Jaystings is a robot who does not know fear. Like the Terminators.
I cannot figure out why I subject myself to scary movies. I am very susceptible to having them haunt my every waking hour. Its probably the same thing that makes me like women.
I have to buy shoes today. I don't know the name of the kind of shoe I need. I don't really know the names of stuff like that. The other day, I learned that I have a pair of pants with pleats. I also learned that this was bad. This is probably the way in which I am the furthest away from adulthood. The knowing of things like this.
Come to Nanny's tonight for it shall be grand. Show starts at 8:30 because that is when shows start. 3319 Connecticut Avenue Washington, DC 20008
Monday, June 05, 2006
Falling Cats
Question: "Hey Danny, how was your show last night?"
Answer: "There was no show."
Question: "Why not?"
Answer: "The dude who runs the show, his cat felt out of the window and was injured and had to be taken to the vet." .............................. Seriously.
That's what happened. Several points here:
1) Cats are terrible
2) Men with cats are not to be trusted
3) Every girl believes her cat is different. When in reality, it is not.
4) I was under the impression that when a cat fell (this one fell from the 2nd floor), it always landed on its feet and was OK. Kind of like magic...which is why they should not be trusted.
5) A very wise Chinese philosopher believed that the souls of the d*mned sinners of the world were trapped for a lifetime inside the bodies of cats. Some would wish to break free and would try to live well and please their masters so that they could attain peace. There were others that lived to curse mankind and who's sole purpose on earth was to torment the world of men.
6) I made up #5 but it was believable wasn't it?
Rory, Jaystings (Jay Hastings) and I are going to see the Omen tonight. Note: The preview for this movie gave me a horrible nightmare...the preview...like the 'before viewing, check out this little 2 minute teaser of some of the things you'll see if you go to this film'...that gave me nightmares. Why would I do this? It is not clear at this time but rumor has it I hate restful sleep and feeling secure. Please, will someone put Emily Rose on hold...Damien is calling on line 6...
Answer: "There was no show."
Question: "Why not?"
Answer: "The dude who runs the show, his cat felt out of the window and was injured and had to be taken to the vet." .............................. Seriously.
That's what happened. Several points here:
1) Cats are terrible
2) Men with cats are not to be trusted
3) Every girl believes her cat is different. When in reality, it is not.
4) I was under the impression that when a cat fell (this one fell from the 2nd floor), it always landed on its feet and was OK. Kind of like magic...which is why they should not be trusted.
5) A very wise Chinese philosopher believed that the souls of the d*mned sinners of the world were trapped for a lifetime inside the bodies of cats. Some would wish to break free and would try to live well and please their masters so that they could attain peace. There were others that lived to curse mankind and who's sole purpose on earth was to torment the world of men.
6) I made up #5 but it was believable wasn't it?
Rory, Jaystings (Jay Hastings) and I are going to see the Omen tonight. Note: The preview for this movie gave me a horrible nightmare...the preview...like the 'before viewing, check out this little 2 minute teaser of some of the things you'll see if you go to this film'...that gave me nightmares. Why would I do this? It is not clear at this time but rumor has it I hate restful sleep and feeling secure. Please, will someone put Emily Rose on hold...Damien is calling on line 6...
Friday, June 02, 2006
Rebounds
I had a pretty good set at Topaz last night. Just goes to show that when everyone is laughing, comedy is fun and my insecurities get validated and I don't feel sorry for myself for 24 hours.
Rory Scovel and I did a little comedy exercise last night. I left my set list on stage and he took a swing at doing a couple of my jokes to really explore them and give me new ideas. It was also really funny because I had just performed them. I suggest this to anyone who would like to improve. Find someone that you are certain is more talented/creative than you and let them see where they can go with your jokes. They will still be yours but you might get a couple of amazing things out of it which I will butcher later...
My boy in charge of video tightness, Dave Halliday, is rocking a new film project that I believe will be mint. Note: Dalliday is mint.
This weekend will be chill. I'm doing some time at the Wonderland Ballroom on Sunday evening. Show starts at 8. Knowledge here.
Rory Scovel and I did a little comedy exercise last night. I left my set list on stage and he took a swing at doing a couple of my jokes to really explore them and give me new ideas. It was also really funny because I had just performed them. I suggest this to anyone who would like to improve. Find someone that you are certain is more talented/creative than you and let them see where they can go with your jokes. They will still be yours but you might get a couple of amazing things out of it which I will butcher later...
My boy in charge of video tightness, Dave Halliday, is rocking a new film project that I believe will be mint. Note: Dalliday is mint.
This weekend will be chill. I'm doing some time at the Wonderland Ballroom on Sunday evening. Show starts at 8. Knowledge here.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
2 Man Enter. 1 Man Leave
I tried new jokes last night at Dremos after not being onstage for 11 days. It actually went suprisingly well, like the Bay of Pigs invasion. I ate it like a fat kid on a dirt bike. No biggie, I'll climb back on the pony and spur him about the room and prance and make faces at the other kids which tells them that I am better than they are because my daddy bought me a pony.
My ADD is out of control today. To people that have ADD: do you ever have days where its just ridiculous? Like you cannot concentrate on anything? I find that it happens the most when I am uncomfortably temperatured. Today, I am excessively warm. Any task sounds like the most arduous undertaking since the first guy that could talk said: "I wanna move that boulder over there. How do we do it? We don't have wheels or any type of pulley system. We have 0 mechanical advantage. Are you listening to me?"
I can't listen to anyone talk. I also am too restless (that word looks so weird. There are a bunch of words that always look weird to me. Restaurant is another one.) to even complete a sudoku. Note: Sudoku is over-rated, it sounds like a nasty ninja move or combat style that is unblockable if done correctly. Turns out its a frustrating trial and error puzzle game.
The person who came up with math word problems should be taken from his grave, brought back to life, have his eyelids peeled back and be forced to watch people like me get his word problems wrong.
I would rather have super speed than super strength because I feel like you could do more with it.
I now have an AC unit rocking like a champ in my room. Its like a commercial where the product is something refreshing.
I saw X-Men III this past weekend after the wedding. I enjoyed it but was somehow not quite fulfilled. I don't know why exactly. It was cool. It was pretty good but not great. Apparently, if you see it, there is a scene at the end of the credits. I have never heard of this in a movie that's not a comedy. I missed it and am upset about it.
Whoop Whoop! That's it and that's all.
My ADD is out of control today. To people that have ADD: do you ever have days where its just ridiculous? Like you cannot concentrate on anything? I find that it happens the most when I am uncomfortably temperatured. Today, I am excessively warm. Any task sounds like the most arduous undertaking since the first guy that could talk said: "I wanna move that boulder over there. How do we do it? We don't have wheels or any type of pulley system. We have 0 mechanical advantage. Are you listening to me?"
I can't listen to anyone talk. I also am too restless (that word looks so weird. There are a bunch of words that always look weird to me. Restaurant is another one.) to even complete a sudoku. Note: Sudoku is over-rated, it sounds like a nasty ninja move or combat style that is unblockable if done correctly. Turns out its a frustrating trial and error puzzle game.
The person who came up with math word problems should be taken from his grave, brought back to life, have his eyelids peeled back and be forced to watch people like me get his word problems wrong.
I would rather have super speed than super strength because I feel like you could do more with it.
I now have an AC unit rocking like a champ in my room. Its like a commercial where the product is something refreshing.
I saw X-Men III this past weekend after the wedding. I enjoyed it but was somehow not quite fulfilled. I don't know why exactly. It was cool. It was pretty good but not great. Apparently, if you see it, there is a scene at the end of the credits. I have never heard of this in a movie that's not a comedy. I missed it and am upset about it.
Whoop Whoop! That's it and that's all.
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