Another New Streak

My post from yesterday didn't make it up. So, 12/29/06...the new streak begins again. Kinda frustrating for the organization right out of the gate. I mean, guys work so hard in the off-season and you come out here...and something like that happens...it's just a shame. I feel bad for our guys who were so committed. They were in here every day, in the film room, working out...I'll probably get fined for saying this but I don't care; my guys deserve better.

I went to 'THE Topaz' last night. Both audience members could tell you how bad I was. I haven't really had to a chance to travel to an open microphone for many moons and actually try some new things. I did nothing but brand new ideas. Mabye...maybe one good one in there. Always says a lot about your creative process when you have 10 ideas you think are great, you leave them alone for a week, come back and look at them and then realize you only have 4 good ideas, take them to the stage and realize that only 1 of those ideas might have legs.

I'm headlining the show at the Bethesda Hyatt tomorrow night. My buddy Kojo Mante is on the show. I heart Kojo. He's a really smart guy who has taken to comedy the right way. He constantly works at it, listens to guys who have been there, and has some great material. He's also patient. He's not like a lot of comics who want to rush to get paid. It's not about that. I was like that and it was to my detriment. I didn't have anyone to tell me that I was an idiot. Where was Joe Robinson's blog then? Huh Joe? You selfish a$$. Yeah, start writing advice after I already make the mistakes. Why do I do that? I'll tell you why. It's because you're a farty face. I didn't mean that. Come to the show on Saturday. It starts at 8.

Right now, you're going: 'That's great Danny, but who is the guy in the picture up there?' That is who comes up when you google Joe Robinson in images. I don't do much at work.

My next post will likely be in the New Year. I know this is kind of bush league but I wanted to take a second and say a few things to the couple people that read this blog. Here they are:

1) Thank you.

2) 2006 has been a pretty amazing year for me and a lot of my friends in and out of comedy. I am so thankful for all my friends both in the crowds that have come to support me and behind the scenes that have helped me grow as a comic and as a person.

3) I am hopeful for even more in 2007. I had some rough lessons in the '06 and I cannot wait to grow and become better and am incredibly excited to watch my friends do the same. Each of us has a different piece of iron in the fire and I'm confident we'll all have really awesome swords.

4) I hate saying things like 'help me grow as a person' because that implies I'm somehow awesome now. I always found things like this to be kind of conceited. Example: I almost started crying in Whole Foods last night because they were closing in 10 minutes and I had no idea what I wanted to eat or enough sand in my bags to ask the guy behind the deli to grab me a sandwich because he was busy cleaning up and I was afraid he would hate me because I was delaying his being able to leave. Does that sound like someone who has 'grown as a person'? This is a long way of saying: 'Thank God for my special lady friend'. Seriously.

5) I basically have 2 jobs. I'm so incredibly busy most of the time it's a joke. There are a lot of people who I don't get to see as much as I'd like to and I feel awful about it. It's something that cannot be helped I guess but I hope people know it's not because we had a friend divorce or something.

6) Have a happy and safe start to your new year. Thanks again for reading.

NYE

I am pretty much over New Year's Parties. I am all through paying $200 to wait forever to get drinks and basking in the afterglow of 'expectations' for an evening. If you're single, terrible time to be single as NYE. If you have a _F, it's annoying to spend that much $ to hang out with each other and there is a 37% fight probability. Add this to the fact that some of friends will be non-committal and ultimately not go where you are plus the fact that your boy/girl will always bring someone atrocious to the table that you didn't know before. New Years is like prom for grown-ups.

The other day, my boy Jon and I had the following exchange:

Me: I'm totally dead on spending a lot of money on New Years

Jon: I'm dead on people not wanting to spend money on New Years

Me: We are at an impass

Jon: Not in concert.

Me: OK, talk to you later.

Jon: Thanks so much.

Good talk.

-Former president Gerald Ford passed away. I was embarrassed when I started thinking about how little I actually knew about him. I know that he took over for Nixon...and that Chevy Chase used to fall down a lot impersonating him on SNL...that's it.

-I have watched this video so many times. It is hilarious. This very serious group of guys is playing Warcraft. Lots of subtle bits of humor in here. Observe the seriousness and frustration...and even angst of some of the players because of how meaningful this is.

The rest speaks for itself:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LkCNJRfSZBU

The Birth of Jesus

Almost, 75 years ago this past Monday, Jesus was born. We all celebrated by filling socks up with nickels and hitting those less fortunate than ourselves in the face. Some took it a step further and put the nickels in the frying pan to get them hot and then put them in a re-enforced wool sock and then went to work. This is where the expression: 'She was so ugly, it look like someone beat her with a hot sack of nickels' comes from.

I hope you all had a nice holiday. Mine was quite good but it felt too short. I am back at work today which seems more appalling as the day progresses. That is the thing I miss the most about being in school: the astoundingly long breaks. I'd get up at noon, go work out (it's boring but weights are my life), then go out and get stupid drunk and play video games until 4. That was awesome. Now? I'm back at work the day after Christmas. The other people in the office think is reasonable. I think a happy medium exists between my idea of not going back here until January 22nd and their 'right back at it on Dec 26' philosophy.

I got a ton of dvds for Christmas because I am unimaginative when asked what I want for Christmas. I have taken to labelling them as I have had some shady dvd disappearances over the years.

I am going to the Wizards game tonight as part of a Christmas Gift Package from my SLF (Special Lady Friend). I am excited for this as I haven't been to a game this year. I will save my Wizards analysis for a more private setting...

My week at the Improv was a lot of fun. Eddie Gosling is a really great guy. It's cool that there are guys like him out there in comedy.

Why Am I Here?

I'm at work today. No one knows why right now. It's so weird here. I cannot leave for a while. This goes under the 'annoying' category.

I hope none of you are at work. Because it's dumb.

Come to the Improv tonight and tomorrow night for all 4 shows. Anyone does it, they get a burrito.

Have a great holiday.

#2

Show #2 was a lot of fun. That is the theme of the week. Eddie Gosling is a fun dude. He's a great guy and a great comic. This week has been a blast so far. 8:30 tonight at the DC Improv.

My gmail account was severaly corrupted by a BS Christmas Card virus thingy. I have no idea how it happened but it basically ruined my original. I had to get a whole new adress. Note: this is an a$$ pain. It honks.

My office is pretty deserted today. It will be more so tomorrow. No better time to come to work in my opinion. I smell a Constanza nap under my desk on the morrow...'twil be a grand time indeed. No idea why I went to the British type there...ta ta.

A Joyous Week

Quick hit style:

-Last night's show at the improv with Eddie Gosling was a lot of fun. He's good and he's a really cool guy. That makes it fun.

-Somehow, a bunch of people got some kind of spam/virus/shabingus from me. I have no idea how it happened as I never signed up or anything. This is totally beat. Someone is out to get me. I bet it's the same guy that ripped my act in a comment a few weeks ago. He HATES my 'poorly drawn accents' so he took it out on me with an elaborate fake e-christmas card scam.

-Sometimes in work, we are forced to associate with terrible people. Hypothetically, in my office there could be a horrendous dude. This 0ne pretend guy is about as abrasive as a person can be. This is a man that cannot be bothered to dial phone numbers on his own. He says things like: 'get ____ on the phone'. This is always awkward: 'Yeah, I don't want to talk to you, this other guy does...' We have a pretty neat phone system here dude. Local extension. 4 digits. I will learn you so we can streamline this whole process. Also, go to hell.

-There are lots of movies in the 'Point Break Pantheon'. These are films that, if they are on, I will always watch them through to the end. Here is a quick list. There are more but this is off the top of my head:

-Point Break, Rocky III and IV, Teen Wolf, Die Hard, Major League, Predator, Top Gun, Wildcats, Willow, The Program, and Tremors.

Lots of the above are not good movies. I have no explanation as to why I cannot turn away from them. Other movies that are great, I can go in and out of. I have never been able to figure this out. Anyone who does should get a Nobel Prize.

-Merry Christmas

-Come to shows this week.

The Worst Brawl Ever

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3w18cIAicoE

That's it. That is the brawl. 1 half punch/half slap gets thrown and guys are getting suspended for weeks. Carmelo Anthony got 15 games for that. That is so emabarrasing.

Your average Carolina Hurricans/Atlanta Thrashers 2nd period shabingus has 987 times more carnage. Also, the NHL sucks.

I have several points about this and I'm going to make them now:

1) When this happens in baseball/hockey, its 'fun' or its just a 'frecas' or some kind of cookey word. When it happens in the NBA, people over-react and say that the players are out of control. These are the same people that make the 'high school kids shouldn't play in the NBA' arguments but have no problem with high school players being drafted to toil away in the minor leagues. This is a race issue. People react this way because the majority of NBA-ers are black and baseball players are white. Horrible double standard.

2) The NBA has created its own monster. They promoted individuality, they promoted stars, they promoted the different apparel and the hip hop image. Now, that's who they get. The NFL, with VERY few exceptions, markets the product of football and not stars. The NBA is the exact opposite. You're going to get bad behavior. David Stern (the NBA commissioner) has made his bed and he's trying not to sleep in it.

3) I understand trying to send a message, but the amount of the suspensions is absurd to me. Roughly 1/4 of the remaining season will be taken away from a potential MVP candidate. Of course he deserves to be punished but the amount is nonsense. It stayed on the court (so it wasn't Artest/Jackson/O'Neal/Wallace territory) and it was a shot at a guy who could have seriously injured a teammate with a ridiculous foul. 5 games max. Instead, punishing for the sake of punishing a guy that threw a punch. It's like Stern only listened to one sentence of the story.

4) This shabingus is the classic case of someone trying apply a 'rule' when the thing before you shuold be judged on its own merits. Well, because I punished x for the worst embarrassment in NBA history last year, I have to do the same thing again for one of the least engaged sports fights of all time.

Random items:

-I had ritz chips today. Their deliciousness is unparalleled in the world.
-The Poonanza was awesome
-The show in Sterling happened. There were no witnesses who can say anything bad about me.
-My godson Gilbert Arenas dropped in 60 points last night. One of the more amazing feats in sport I have seen. Especially because he left his 60 points in Kobe Bryant's eyepiece. Note: Kobe Bryant is one of the biggest scumbags ever to live and I dislike him with a high passion.
-This was a very NBA focused blog. Not many people I know like the NBA. Sorry about that.

Tonight...I Just Died in Your Arms Tonight

Brothers! What we do in life echoes in eternity.

-Larry Poon at the 1st writers meeting for the Very Larry Christmas Show and 4 Square Tournament (also Gladiator but Larry Poon does not watch those kinds of movies)

The show is tonight. Packed house at the Warehouse Theater. We're looking at about 110 reserved. That means get there and get there early. The awesomeness of the show will be high and the badness will be low.

Also, I've been so tied up with Poonanza planning, that I totally forgot to mention a really cool show on Saturday. Justin Schlegel and I will be at Ned Devine's in Sterling. Good buddy Rob Maher has hooked up some Saturday night shows at the beautiful venue. Should be a great time. Show starts at 7 which gives you plenty of time to get hammered and go drive in fields.

Finally, I'll be at the DC Improv next week opening for Eddie Gosling. He's funny so you should come to every show and watch every minute. Tuesday-Saturday at the Improv.

1 More Day

I know that there is pain...But you hold on for one more day and Break free the chains...Yeah I know that there is pain, But you hold on for one more day and you Break free, break from the chains...
Some day somebody's gonna make you want toTurn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don't you know?
Don't you know things can change
Things'll go your way
If you hold on for one more day yeah
If you hold on...

Poonanza.

Yatta

This is my favorite video to watch on the internets. I used to watch this everyday at my old job. My boy and I would do the dancing...sometimes. If you can watch and not laugh, then you are dead inside.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6616479032362244465&q=yatta

Poonanza is shaping up to be wondrous. We had a great rehearsal last night that was hard to get through because the high amount of humor. Larry Poon actually said: 'That...now that is a hoot!'

Friday @ 10:30 PM
Warehouse Theater
$5 tickets.

Let me know if you want to reserve. Do not be the guy that reserves and doesn't show...

Strunk and White's 'The Elements of Style'

Poonanza Teaser:

A Russian gym coach, a first date, roller skating, a staff meeting, a web dating service, a concert, a duet, a trip to a strip club, and more.

Friday
10:30 PM
Warehouse Theater

Poonanza

Read in movie trailer voice:

Friday....

One MAN...

Will take other men...and a girl...on the adventure of a lifetime...

Very Larry Poonanza and 4-Square Tournament.

10:30 PM
Warehouse Theater
$5 tickets (reserve tix by emailing: larrypoon1@yahoo.com)

Awesomeness in exchange for currency.

Planned Drunkenness

I am going to get sh*t faced tonight. I rarely drink very much these days because I'm so busy with a job, standup, the meth lab, filming, and other stuff.

Tonight, my buddy is having a holiday party. I have very little to do tomorrow. So, I realized that I have the green light to tee it up and drink my face off. I'm going to be hammered like it was 1997 and it was a Thursday afternoon in high school...

Updates to follow.

The Redskins play the eagles this week. I hate the eagles. I have never been to a Redskins/eagles game where there wasn't some kind of shabingus because of eagles fans behaving terribly. I don't get this. I don't get why they have to be that way. Jon Mumma isn't that way. He blogged about it last week. They boo'ed when their QB got up from an injury. I just couldn't deal with being hated everywhere I went.

A while back, Chris White, who is an eagles fan, said it was awesome to live here and see the Redskins get all excited and fail every year. He said we were the Yankees of the NFL. I agreed for a while but then I realized that is totally wrong. The Jankeez win the division every year. They get to go to the big dance. The Skins have been twice since 1991. We are more like the Knicks of the NFL: terrible player acquisitions that cost us too much money and severe underachievement as a lovely side dish.

Being a DC sportsfan sucks.

Influences

Per the recommendation of my attorney friend Jon, I was thinking about some of the things that have influenced me comedically over the years. I'm going to talk about them and you will probably read them and think about them and agree with them.

Phase 1: Childhood - High School

In Living Color: So important. We forget. It was the first time I ever realized that I had the ability to impersonate when everyone gathered around me in 5th grade and I rocked a little Fire Marshall Bill on Mondays.

Characters:

Fire Marshall Bill: yup
Vera Demylo: Jim Carey's she-male thing. I still talk like this sometimes...when I'm alone
Antoine Jackson: When Damon Wayans was funny, he did the homeless guy and the dude that talked with miss-used big words. Amazing.
Dickie Peterson: another Jim Carey (it was 'James' then). The convinience store security guard. Basically, same voice as Cable Guy years later.
Parnell: Yet another Jim Carey, the nerdy kid with the chick who played 'Edna'. Hilariousness to me.

The Jerky Boys: The afforementioned Jon and I used to roll around listening to the Jerky Boys in the car. We'd force girls to listen to them and quoted them incessantly. It even inspired some real life prank phone calls from various locations.

Characters:

Sol Rosenberg: Reason #88 why Family Guy is great (more on them later) is that they got the guy who did Sol to play 'Mort' on the show (He also plays the bartender). So many good lines.
Frank Rizzo: The gold standard.
Kissell/Pico: No one was quite sure what this voice was, but it was really funny and I could do it. Kissell was always paired with Pico which made me laugh.
Tarbash the Egyptian Magician: incredible
Jack Tors: I am laughing right now as I type this name.

There were of course other sources of humor (Eddie Murphy, Jim Carey films) but those were the two big things.

College - Young Adult (Pre Comedy)

There were more influences in here. My attention was very spread out.

-The Big Lebowski: Incredible litmus test for a girl. If she likes it/gets it, you can talk to her.
-Family Guy: Round 1. Literally, its like they took stuff from when I was a kid, sprinkled it into an amazingly written show with hilarious characters, and then realized: 'its a cartoon. We can do whatever the f*ck we want'. If you are between 18-33 and don't like it, you're Russian.
-South Park: Its old for me now, but when it first hit, pretty awesome stuff. Those guys had the same epiphany: 'we can do whatever we want' and it was on cable so they did some great stuff. If the 'Academy' was't full of sh*t, the South Park Movie would have won best picture (blew American Beauty out of the water)
-Pablo Francisco: he came to GW and did a show. I was mesmerized. We had David Spade once and another guy who I cannot remember. Pablo wasn't a huge name at the time and was better than anything I had ever seen. At that point, the comics who were making it big were Seinfeld type guys doing observational humor and such. Pablo was the first guy I ever saw who did the opposite. He put you in a story and took you the whole way through, painting vivid images and giving so much energy to the crowd. Truly awesome. It made me think that 1) If I ever did comedy I'd want to do it like that 2) I can never do comedy because that guy is too good.
Christopher Guest films: Waiting for Guffman/Best In Show/Spinal Tap

Post Fun Young Adult and Beginning of Comedy Career:

Brian Reagan: if you don't know, its just irresponsible.
Mitch Hedberg: See above.
Dane Cook: Now, no one is more hated. They might all be right. I don't know. What I do know is that I saw that guy at the Improv and he put on the best show I've ever seen for an hour. Period. I was sore from laughing. I bought Harmful if Swallowed and thought it was just the best thing I'd ever heard. He was non-stop. Most every comic you talk to despises this guy but he will always remember how great he was before he was big.
The Office: The British Version. The funniest show with real actors in the history of television. Every character was perfect.

I'm sure I forgot some stuff that I think is funny. This was just off the top of my head.

I will close with a line from the Jerky Boys:

"Yibba dabba yibba dabba yibba dabba..............pooogh...loud"

Officer On Scene...

F&R^T*&FYUHGU%$%&%&#&*%$%$!

I had a long post that I deleted because I'm an idiot. I'm not reposting it. Here is the Cliff Notes version:

-Some cops walked in while Jay Haystings was onstage last night. It was really funny.

-Poonanza is coming. It will be good.

-My fantasy football team with the most tight players ever finished 9th. Absurd.

Fin.

Episode 3

Episode 3 of Buddy Jackson is up. This episode is a stretch for me... in that I play a jackass...which is what I always play...so it's not a stretch at all people...try and keep up.

Shooting that episode was as much fun as I have ever had doing anything ever with the possible exception of building a Lego fortress for my Transformers with my boy Ben and staging giant wars for energon and then eating cold cut sandwhiches with cheetos and drinking cokes and then going back to the wars (Funny Danny fact, when Ben would go over to my house and we'd pick him up, we always brought a small box of Transformers for the car ride. It was the rule. Ben LOVED the planes (Arielbots, Starscream, Blitz, Dirge, Ramjet, and Cyclonous). I preferred the the bigger land based Transformers (my fav of all time was Ultra Magnus) and the ones that formed larger superbots (Devastor, Bruticus, Superion))...

Anyway, go to www.buddyjackson.com and watch the shabingus of mirth. Bang.

The Streak????

I did a short blentry (blog entry) on Friday. I hit publish and then forgot to check and see if it was up. It did not make it onto the 'world wide web'. I think this means that the streak is over. Blog intent does not mean 'blog in fact'. So, after 1 year and a little over 3 months, the streak of posting every day when I was at work, ends. I am not sad, it is just another thing. For your information, here is what I intended to post on Friday. Not much, but it was something:

"Fridays are over-rated. I am always so tired by Friday night that I become slightly cranky and unpleasant in social settings. We are shooting Buddy Jackson stuff for 100 hours this weekend. I'm really excited about what we've done so far and there is a lot of cool stuff to come. I still cannot act."

That was it...

Here is today's topic:

Movie Cheating.

When you and a friend/girlfriend/boyfriend/family member/kidnapper talk about seeing a movie together, and cement a casual-formal pact that you will witness said movie and one or more persons breaks this bond and sees the film with someone else, this is Movie Cheating. I was movie cheated on this past weekend. It didn't feel good. The plus side is that my special lady friend not only has to see the same movie with me, but has to do a make-up movie of my choosing (Eragon. Dec 15 b*tches. This movie looks incredible to me. Read the book and I enjoyed it. As I read, I often thought, this would make a really good movie. Giddyup.)

Day 1 of the new streak...

Helping Justice

Next business item: My Gentleman In Charge of Video Tightness (MGCVT), Dave Halliday needs votes to be crowned the Omega Supreme of Video's on Current TV. http://www.current.tv/make/vc2/sot

You need to vote for the video with the pic on the left. Do it. Do it or you are a filthy communist. He can win this thing which means he would be the winner. Winning is better than losing. Fact.

Poonanza

Hey dudes and non-dudes, we are gearing up for the Latest Poonanza. Dec 15 at the Warehouse Theater. More details to come as we get closer but some funny shizzle is in the works.

I was sick yesterday so no blog. I am sorry.

The 'at work blog streak' is still in tact...It is holding on by a thread.

No one cares at all.

Great talk.

Shutup.

You shutup.

You are not the boss of me.

You need a boss you idiot.

You're the idiot.

Nice one, did you use your quick comic mind for that?

No...I mean yes. Shutup.

No wonder you don't get invited to parties.

What parties?

See?

I hate you.

Good, at least you aren't dead inside.


See you tomorrow blog reader person.

Maryland

I had a blast performing at the University of Maryland last night. Special thanks to the Bureau, Andy LoPresto, and all the boys for having Ryan, Jay, and me out there. The crowd was really fun and it was an awesome time. Thanks to everyone that came out.

I have a pretty nasty cold right now. I had it last night. I wanted to do some improv with the Bureau guys but I was so out of it. I screwed up a couple of jokes but the crowd didn't really notice or maybe I didn't notice them noticing. Either way, it was fun.org.

You get nothing else today.

My Attic? It's At The Top Of My House Near My Roof...

That was a line from the Jerky Boys. If you don't know, ask.

As you've probably heard, Justin Schlegel and I traveled to Columbus, OH this past week for an audition at the Funny Bone Comedy Club. Justin and I both did really well and I am super proud of how we handled ourselves. It is pretty cool to perform well when something is on the line. Everything that we can control, we did well.

Here is the one tale:

There were several comics on the bill. A host, a guest, 3 comics auditioning, and a headliner. The headliner was a dude from Last Comic Standing named Sean Kent. He got off on the wrong foot with the crowd and then amputated his foot and tried to feed it to himself. I have never seen anything so painful in my entire life. There were a few guys who had been talking throughout Justin's and my sets. They were annoying but weren't the worst I've ever seen. This dude acted like he had never been heckled before. He kept going back to them. Finally, he called out security for not taking them out. I was standing next to the security guard who goes:

'Well quit talking to them motherf*cker and I could take them out. You on you're own...'

It was painful. Beyond painful into something else entirely. Super awkward.

Everytime you thought it was over, even when they weren't saying anything, he would come back to them and get them started again. Quite honestly, it was one of the worst displays I have ever seen. Beyond that, the dude wasn't really very impressive to me as a comic which once again proves my theory that Last Comic Standing is a load of bullcrap.

If you go to Maryland, come to the show tonight. TICKLE b*tches...

Buddy Jackson and Me

Happy Thanksgiving everyone,

I still owe you all a review of Justin Schlegel and my trip to Columbus, Ohio for our Funny Bone audition as some funny things happened. I'll do it next week I think.

One other point of interest, comedy bffffff Rory Scovel is in the finals of the Seattle Comedy Festival. This fest has been going on for the better part of a month and it is a really cool deal for him. I don't get happy for other people because it is a made up concept...I am just acknowledging how good it is for him.

Now, I mentioned a few posts back that I was soon going to unveil something I was very proud of. Well, that time has arrived. For the past couple of months, I have been fortunate enough to be part of a web-based tv program. I auditioned and was fortunate enough to land a role that allowed me to do what I do: behave like a jackass. The show is called 'Buddy Jackson'. Every week, starting on Monday, you'll be able to see a new episode of the show. Here is what you do, go to www.buddyjackson.com and watch. These shows are all safe for work as there is no potty mouth or anything gross.net in there.

A few points about this:

1) I am a TERRIBLE actor.
2) My acting has improved as we have been shooting but it still remains terrible
3) The other folks on the show are some of the coolest people I have ever met and they are all real actors that are good at acting
4) I realized after a little bit that I needed to stop trying to act and basically be a jackass which is actually acting
5) Unless you have filmed professional stuff before, you have NO idea how complicated shooting things is. That was a bad sentence. Just saying, it is way more complicated than I ever thought possible.
6) I have had an incredible time working on this project and am so thankful to Barry Grible for the opportunity.
7) I can barely watch tapes of myself doing standup...I find it unbearable to watch myself trying to be funny with someone else's ideas.

That's it. So please, go to www.buddyjackson.com and check in every week for a new episode. We get some people watching and pretty soon...something happens...

I Can't See...SO Good

Update: It is 5:30 AM. I just got back from Columbus, Ohio. Justin Schlegel and I both passed our Funny Bone auditions. I will have more on this later as some points of interest occured. Later.

Columbus

Comedy pop tart Justin Schlegel and I are headed to Columbus for an audition at the Funny Bone. If we do well, some stuff might happen. If he does well and I don't, the car ride will be AWKWARD.org as I will pout as we travel east through some of the nicest highways this country has. I'm really looking forward to it.

"Do no say goodbye...say: 'good journey...'" -Tila from Masters of the Universe

Freedom Isn't Free...

Milton Friedman passed away yesterday. Most people don't know who he is/was and that's cool. What you should know is that the dude changed pretty much every universally held economic paradigm and we now operate according to his principals.

http://www.theage.com.au/news/business/milton-friedman-patron-saint-of-freemarket-economics/2006/11/17/1163266781427.html

Friedman was into free markets and the inherent freedoms that go along with them. I have argued for many moons that drugs (or some) should be legalized. For several reasons:

1) To shut up the people that only talk about that (thank you Ryan Conner)
2) To create a free market that will allow for real income
3) To eliminate the hypocrisy of having a substance be banned and fund places to help with recovery from the same banned substance
4) To eliminate an ENORMOUS % of crime in America
5) To make the product safer for those that choose to do it anyway
6) To re-allocated the huge amount of money spent each year attacking the supply (which is like a hydra; for every one head cut off, more will take its place); not to mention the danger we put service people in trying to fight drug armies
7) To reduce the power that corrupt, organized criminals have in Latin American countries where the drugs are sourced.

To recap: More $$ for the US, reduction in spending resulting in even more $$, reduction in crime while spending less resources to fight crime, increase in safety for users and general public.

Now, we will never see this. Not in many years anyway. The reason is that the 'moral arguments' won't go away. Kids laugh at the ads targeted at them as they smoke weed. I have never really done any drugs (at pot brownies a few times. A couple of those times were horribly ineffective) but I could have had I wanted to. The point is they are out there, they are accessible, they are dangerous, the country is losing money and people because we are fighting an unnecessary war (sound familiar?). Right now, the 'most free society in the world' as we purport ourselves to be is a hypocrite: Oh yeah, be free, pursue whatever you want...that is unless we find it objectionable (aka, boys can't kiss boys, don't smoke weed in your own home etc.).

"Rightful liberty is unobstructed action according to our will within limits drawn around us by the equal rights of others. I do not add ‘within the limits of the law’, because law is often but the tyrant’s will, and always so when it violates the rights of the individual." -Thomas Jefferson

Watch This

Joe Deely told me about this. This should be watched by anyone that likes awesome stuff:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8lSUKfbsufc

I mean wtf.net? Wow, that is awesome. Also, the greatest advertisement for a video game since the dawn of man:

Watch the Gears of War Trailer. Schlegel has accepted the mission. Someone had to. I can't because I'm 40 hours into Final Fantasy XII. All characters are at level 18. Because I was initially feeling my way around the 'License Board' (where new abilities and upgrades are acquired), I made some questionable decisions early on. Now, as I've gotten the hang of it, I have been trying to max out the permanent status upgrades as opposed to the advanced abilities which I believe I will have plenty of time to acquire later on. For example, an 'HP up 100' is far more useful to me at this juncture than a 'Souleater' (consuming HP to do damage to an enemy).

Via internet.com chat today, my special lady friend, in a mock game style show format, was asked to list as many things about me that were dorky as she could could in 30 seconds. Here were her answers:

"star wars pillowcases, chewable vitamins, sandals (FunnyDanny notation: actually, they are flip flops; sandals are for people that go to phish concerts and are fine with the fact that they can play the same song for 45 minutes. I am not one of those people), use of hair spray, office badge, St. Albans sticker on your car, awkwardness (generally), lack of wine drinking, 80s music, popular culture trivia, sports knowledge, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, The Matrix, your movie quoting thing, hawaiian shirts, and final fantasy expertise"

That was in 30 seconds.

The only thing I disagree with is the 'wine drinking' one. I've seen Sideways (up there with 'My Big Fat Greek Shabingus' for most over-rated movies in the history of the world), and I know how dorky wine people are. I'm not talking about people that like a glass of wine with dinner. Whatever, you're taste buds don't recognize the rubbing alcohol and rotten grapes; I'm not judging that. I am judging the dudes that sniff the wine and talk about all the smells, that either know all the kinds or think they know or want to know and act like they know. "Ah yes, the Cabernet will go great with the steamed rockfish..." Really? You're an a$$hole. I don't want to have any association with 'wine people' (like the dude in the last sentence); therefore, I don't drink wine for that reason and the reason that it really isn't good and gives you the worst hangover ever.

Laters.

Jimmy Meritt Is Not a Hack and I AM a Jackass

Went to Ned Divine's last night in Sterling. Lot of really good comics there and I had a great time. Several quick hits:

1) Larry Poon was a 37 out of 10 last night. I mean good heavens that was amazing.

2) Justin Schlegel and I traded premises. He had one that he hated and I had one that I hated. We exchanged and I think both will be functional for their new owners. I like doing this. So from now on, 'Name a Star After Someone' is mine and 'Whenever I have to make #2 at my office I run into my boss and have to talk for several minutes' is now Justin's. Advantage Rouhier.

3) Now to the title of the blog. I am a complete idiot who puts his foot in his mouth all the time. I basically, completely by accident, called Jimmy Meritt a hack. The irony is, I am 14.7 times more hacky than Jimmy. Even more ironically, I did this in my joke about 'Hacks'. Weird.

Here is how it went down. If you've never seen the joke before, I basically connect things on stage with things off stage. Aka, comics cannot be hacky but regular people can be all the time. In order to do this, I quickly point out what a 'hacky comic' is so the audience gets it so I can make the parallel. Here is what I said:

"You know what a hacky comic is? Its a guy that uses the same stuff as everyone else; you know like the same stuff you have heard forever? 'What's the deal with airline food...and starbucks....' So I went on and finished the joke not even thinking twice. In my head, I meant the following: 'people that say what's the deal with starbucks...there are so many starbucks' are hacks. And they are. They are right up there with prescription drug side affects and my voices in the Hacktheon.

Jimmy has a joke about Starbucks. It is definitely not hacky. In my mind, its not even about Starbucks so much as it is a funny take on those 'inspirational quotes' put on cups. They could be on Carribou coffee cups, or Brothers Coffee, or any other place that sells beverages for that matter. It is a good joke. Anyway, I said what I said, and basically called Jimmy a hack. This means I am an idiot. I apologized to Jimmy last night, and am apologizing again right now. My bad chad (Jimmy). Read his blog on his page about last night. He's pretty much right on...I would have been destroyed.

Other than that, a great time was had by all.

Last thought: I love watching Joe Robinson be mean to a crowd. It now ranks just behind watching Mumma bomb as my favorite things to watch...

The New Era

First, thanks to the commentors on yesterday's blog. I like that you all wore your participants.

The Redskins are going to start Young Jason Campbell this week against Tampa Bay. I hope we are patient and allow the young man to grow. The last thing we need is for the kid to get jerked around and lose confidence. We've got to ride it out. My skins are done this year and I was lied to and that hurts. Don't lie to me. Don't tell me about Super Bowls and then go poop an entire live goose at midfield in a division game. Just sad. At least the Bears came through for me and dominated the giants. So, thanks to Ryan Conner and Doug Powell (my Bears fan friends) for all that.

Is it right to root for the suffering of my rivals when my team is not doing well? Absolutely. This is the way of the NFL, thanks be to Tags. Amen.

If you live in Sterling, go to Ned Divine's tonight. I'll be there which makes it cool.

Re-Addressing

If you look at my last post, I got one of those awesome anonymous comments where it's either a friend of mine being a dick or someone who doesn't get concepts. So you don't have to go and look at it, here is what dude wrote:

"I think it would be great if Curt didn't let new comics perform at all. Maybe he could just give you and Jay Hastings one hour each. Who wants to see new comics when we can watch the same guys every Wednesday? Everyone loves jokes about Super Mario and ADD. I think an hour of that, plus a few poorly drawn accents and a smattering of mean-spirited knocks on "hacky" comics, would really be hilarious. Thanks so much for saving us.

With gratitude,

The Audience"

Several points in response:

1) The dude is right on about my act.

2) He has obviously seen me several times and I am clearly on his mind

3) He has issues listening, processing information, and comprehending written words

4) I am not a good writer

5) This man has clearly had his feelings hurt.

In my previous post, I argued that new comics shouldn't be given more time than they are ready to handle. No need to re-hash these arguments. Now, if we follow the logic, more new comics can get on if new comics all do less time.

Next point, in other cities around the country, no matter who you are, you get 3. Oh really, you've been doing it for 2 months? You get 3? Wow, you did Dremos 4 times in 2 months so you say you're a comic? You get 3 also. DC is different and we are lucky to get as much as we do.

Next point, I guarantee that whoever wrote that comment is not as good as the guys who I was thinking of that deserved time but can't get it. I'll bet any amount of money Kojo Mante is better than that guy. And Kojo cannot always get on and someone who is awful can get 7 because he brought people.

Next point, despite what you might think, that is why you go on. See, one of the advantages of having done Curt's rooms since their inception is that I know the man. I know the secrets. 'New comics bring people'. Then, after they do it for a few months, they don't bring people anymore. That's why you are on. Not because you're good.

Next point, I've earned the right to do 10. So have the other guys that get 10. These are all club features and guys who have headlined colleges and other big shows. Guys with over an hour of material (even though mine is only about ADD and Mario brothers...and those voices...right...the voices). There are plenty of guys who should be doing 10 and I'll bet the farm, you're not one.

Next point, I am clearly on your mind. Why am I on your mind? What is it about me that is so bothersome to you? You're worried about not getting the big spot at Dremos? Am I in your way? What is it about me that gets to you that makes you read my blog in hopes that I'll say something controversial so you can get a zinger in there as an anonymous poster? You shouldn't be competing with me or anyone else. You should worry about improving. That's what good comics do.

Next point, you haven't heard the joke or you missed it. My joke about hacky comics, if it hits close to home, means you are a hack. Please be advised of that. It's not really mean at all. It's about my ficticious X. Not sure where you are coming from on it but I like that you try and listen even though you're not good at it. I'm a terrible listener so I know what it's like.

I'm tired of typing at this point. What I will say is that there are a bunch of guys that cannot get on as often as they should be able to, and it is better for the new comics who are getting on to get less time so that A) more new comics can get on and B) the new comics improve more rapidly. Empirically, I am correct. So, great talk.

-Anonymous.

House Cleaning

Again, per my previous post, vote for Dalliday's video.

-The Bethesda Hyatt does shows on Saturday nights. This is good. They have an intermission in the show which is really bad. Like, atrocious. They stop the show for 15 minutes and then start it again. They are doing it so that people will buy a 2nd drink. Just let the show suffer. Good call. Great way to get people to come back. Rumor has it, things are going to change soon. Hopefully they will because I love performing there.

-Curt Shackelford runs several rooms in the DC area (including the Hyatt). The dude is a beast. I am so grateful to him for the amount of stage time I have been afforded over the last couple years. Here's the issue: the dude is too nice. There are so many comics that don't get on that should and even more comics that get on that shouldn't or at least get way longer than they deserve. Here are the facts:

Comics who get more time early on do not develop as they should. Learning how to torch 3 minutes is so important before filling 5 or 7. People who are granted more time too early, despite what they might think about themselves, are not as good as the guys who had to work for more time (Rory Scovel, Ryan Conner, Jon Mumma etc.). Example: when I used to run Saphire Cafe in Bethesda, we were short on performers. I asked Jon Mumma, who had been doing it for several months, if he wanted to do 12 instead of 8. He thought about it and said, 'I don't think I have 12 minutes'. Of course he did, but he felt like he needed to do that much more work to fill that time with good material instead of filling it with 1/2 finished stuff.

Some disagree with me on this but it is logical. You have to master what you are given before you are given more. Just becuase you can talk for 10 minutes doesn't mean you have 10 minutes. So back to poor Curt. That dude gets bombarded all the time with requests and I don't envy him. I do wish, that for the greater good, he would be more of a harda$$ about awarding time as it not only benefits the shows but the comics working them.

-I'm pretty funny I think. A random chick told me so after my time at Dremos last night. She goes: 'You're funny.' I go: 'I agree with you'.

-I'm not going to jinx anything because I don't jinx stuff. Just know that someone I know could be exceptionally close to being on network tv before me. This would not upset me despite my competitive nature.

-I have to play a pick up football game soon. I am in TERRIBLE shape right now. I'm nervous about this

-I have an average football arm but what scouts called an 'outstanding' baseball arm. I have never understood this. My boy Quinn likes to say things like: 'you have bad hands'. Please note, this is so far from the truth. My feet? Terrible. My hands? Exceptional. Seriously. Toss with me sometime. I will show you what I mean.

-I just realized that I am now 6 years removed from my last meaningful and competitive sporting event (a loss in the conference championship game). I will need to accelerate some things if I'm going to live up to my plan of playing shortstop for the DC baseball team when I am 24...

-Working for the government means that I'm not working tomorrow. That's right in everyone's mouthpiece.

Returning the Favor

My boy Dave Halliday is known for 2 things: one of those things is making super tight videos. He has produced a couple mint things on behalf of FunnyDanny enterprises (Not a company). Now, Dalliday is in a competition against other video makers who are not as tight as he is. It is now our duty to support what is tight.

In this time of election, elect the winner. Here are the instructions: Dalliday can win 100K. Hook him up! VOTE FOR "GHOST TRIBES"

http://www.current.tv/make/vc2/sot

If you have not previously registered with current, they will ask you to do so. They don't spam, no emails, it is just so peeps cannot stuff the ballot box. Voting instructions:

How to Vote Once on the website, click, "Login or Register to Vote" at the bottom. Type in your email address. Then click "No, I want to register with Current TV." Fill out the rest of the form and click "Ok." Click on the Button under "Ghost Tribes" and then click "Cast Your Vote."

About Ghost Tribes According to the Federal Government, the descendents of Pocahontas and her people aren't officially "Indian." This isn't a mistake. Four centuries of discrimination, including the systematic destruction of birth and marriage certificates, have taken their toll, but for the first time, the tribes have decided to fight back.

About Seeds of Tolerance Current TV and the 3rd Millenium Foundation are sponsoring the $100,000 Seeds of Tolerance competition to find the best short films promoting "tolerance." Six films have been selected as semifinalists. One will win $100,000 + $15,000 for a relevent charity.

About Current TV Founded in 2005 by Al Gore and a group of investors, Current is the first channel dedicated to short-form non-fiction content. On the web:

http://www.current.tv/tolerance


Thanks everyone.

Music

John Mayer sucks. He rocks the 'sensitive chick rock that plays to chicks who watch lifetime movies and chick flicks'. He is a talented dude, but there are millions of talented dudes out there who can do exactly what he does. FunnyDanny fact: If I can do a reasonable impersonation of your singing voice, you suck. Several female acquaintances believe that I am jealous which is why I resent him. I am certainly envious of his success. But please do not confuse that with my ability to evaluate the fact that he is ungood and you are an idiot for liking him.

Music is in a weird place right now. There are divergent trends taking place. Bands like the Killers, Arcade Fire, the Walkmen and others, are doing cool things with rock. I don't know the stupid terms that dumb magazines use, so I'll use my terms. They are kind of like preppy punk bands. Really neat sounds. Sort of like a cool 80s band like 'the clash' updated for 2006 with some spice. Anyway, its good.

The other trend is for some atrocious R+B to clog the airwaves with help from the white R+B, chick rock. The John Mayers, the suspect R+B with terrible hooks. I don't know any of the names because of the badness but you all know what I mean. That song that dude sings with the Gallery, and the monotone singing lady that sings about 'you heard about how I do what I do and you want to see if it's true'...Brutal. I just had a thought. Lots of people dislike country music because of their simple and gimmicky songs. Well, these tunes and others like them, are the new country. Pop country...Puntry. Bang.

The R+B I grew up with was actually pretty solid. Not my fav genre to be sure but we had some good ones. A dude named Michael Jackson was pretty awesome, Lionel Ritchie (who I believe should be given a medal of achievement for so many reasons), Mary J. Blige and others. You can even go back and talk about Jodeci, Boys II Men, Bel Biv Devoe. Yes, there was some cheese factor but tell me this, if you are hanging out at your boy's house having some adult sodas, and 'End of the Road' comes on...tell me you are not going to sing along and clap on that one part where there is a clap. "Though we've come....(CLAP) to the end, of the Ro-ode (CLAP)"...

Well, that's what my friends do...

FFXII

I bought Final Fantasy XII the day it came out. Last Tuesday. I've logged lots of hours. I cannot tell you how many but you'd be stunned. Stunned.

My favorite thing in the world. #1 thing by so far; my favorite pursuit/ativity/endeavor/recurring thing, is to improve video game characters. I love building up characters. Why is Madden so fun? The gameplay is tight but in franchise, you can improve your players. Bang. There it is.

I am within a joyous period in my life. Redskins defeat cowboys and save Earth from the invaders of Outworld, I am logging significant time on FFXII, and the premiere of something really cool that have done will be coming soon. I'll let you know exactly when soon but I want you all to know it is something I am extremely proud of.

Blog To the Blog Di Blog ee Blog Blogy...

That title is dumb. That is what happens when you are not that smart and have to write a blog to keep the 'every day I've been at work' blog streak alive.

I'm going to have a new website soon. Evil genius Andy Lopresto, and his team of minions are making it. It will be pretty and will be similar to comedy bffffff Rory Scovel's site but better because I'm immature. When the new site gets released, we'll have an internet party on the intranet.

I have a habit of typing certain words incorrectly on my keyboard. I type 'teh' instead of 'the' close to 60% of the time. This is annoying. I know how to spell 'the' so it frustrates me that I cannot execute this on my keyboard consistently.

The following is an excerpt from an electronic mailing I received today. Two parties were discussing the topic of me. Enjoy:

"_______ is reading your blog right now and laughing at your use of "being ADD." She said, "Do you really think that danny is ADD?" I respond: "Umm, yes. Example: he'll be in the middle of a conversation and then, without missing a beat, forget what we're talking about. He'll then quote something completely random from an obscure movie from 1982 and then move on (to a totally different topic). If that's not ADD, I'm not sure anything is."

I listened to a NASCAR report this morning on sportstalk radio. I am just trying to understand. I can't. There is no way to understand it. It's impossible. You can't really like it. Maybe you think you like it, or are convinced you like it, but you cannot really like it. You were forced to at some point. That is the only possible explanation. Actual quote:

"Well, the 5 car has been running great for a month but he don't have a chance at that top spot. The other cars are better." People should have to pick when they turn 18:

NASCAR
or
Social Security when you get older.

The most underrated mythical beast is the Wyvern. Never understood why they didn't get more play. They are so nasty in Dragon Warrior. I almost swallowed my tongue when I got ballsy after fighting for 2 hours, instead of returning to Tantegal Castle to rest and save, I went over that bridge a little further south...I met a Starwyvern. He cast Hurtmore twice, I got one shot in, tried to Cure myself, and then he breathed fire and I was dead. Lost half my gold. That sh*t would never happen to me now. I know about Wyverns.

Randomness-ness

I am bored and ADD today. Yes, you can actually 'be ADD'. People with the disorder know what's it's like. People without do not. It's like how much fun pogs were; either you knew or you were doing other stuff at recess.

Random things....aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh go:

-There is a dude here who says 'internet' like 'intra-net'. Weird. Apparently, both are real things. I don't want to see an intranet. Sounds sketchy.

-Very strange to me that certain meats are healthy and others are awful for you. I got the Subway Club today. It has 6 grams of fat. Had I gotten the BMT (also has 3 meets) it would have had 4000 grams of fat give or take...I am sure there is a reason but I take pride in not knowing why there is a difference.

-Even though it doesn't really affect you directly, aren't vegetarians annoying? Doesn't it bug you that they have to always have some kind of awkward order at a restaurant?

-If something happened and the Earth rotated the opposite way like in Superman, would time go backwards as well? I submit that it would not. I think the only thing that would happen is that water would drain the opposite direction but cannot even prove that.

-I realized this morning that I might be one of the most stubborn people ever to live. Then I realized that since I am able to realize it, I just got knocked down way lower on the list.

-While watching a baseball game, I make the exact same comment as an announcer moments before he does constantly. Either reflects well on me or poorly on them.

-The business side of comedy sucks. That's it.

-I liked baked potato chips now better than the regular kind. Nothing comes close to the Ritz Chips though. They are unreasonably good.

-New greatest natural athlete list per last week's blog:

1) Bo Jackson
2) Jim Brown
3) Jackie Robinson
4) Deion Sanders
5) Bob Hayes (Olympic 100 meter champ that had never played football. Signed by the Cowboys and no one could stop him)

-I manage an calender for conference room space. Lately, people will send a mtg request. Then subsequently send 4 updates to that same request making it difficult to discern which meeting is the updated one. Needless to say, I wish I could respond in kind...and it would involve duct tape.

-Chicago has great sports teams right now.

-Washington DC does too. Ummmm DC United people!

See you at Dremos tonight and by see I mean I'm going and none of you are.

Fantasy

Are people into fantasy sports? I am. I love it. I realize it is dorky but it fulfills an incredible need. Every reasonable dude that likes sport wants to manage a team. This is a reduced pressure environment where he can do that and will not get fired when he finishes in last place and stops checking his team because he is out of it in September when Shaun Alexander went down...

I am 6 leagues right now. 4 football and 2 NBA. I love fantasy NBA. It is my favorite fantasy sport. The reason I love it is because the stars are fantasy stars. In football, a dude can be a dominant player, but doesn't give you fantasy points (Lineman etc.). In the NBA, the best players score fantasy points for you. It sound elementary but it is very refreshing. Also, because there are more games, it is more reasonable to predict trends and see how things are going instead of one game flare ups that happen in the NFL. I am in the minority. I know this.

I have gone through a couple of cycles as an NBA fan.

1) Childhood: I loved the NBA. I loved, Bird, Magic, youn MJ. I loved Bernard King. I loved the style of play. Everyone could shoot, they flew up and down the floor, and it was entertaining as h*ll. Basketball was beautiful.

2) Teenage Years: Villains like Pat Riley (who gave so much joy before) and Jeff Van Gundy ruin basketball. It becomes a defensive battle with post ups, isolations, guys hand-checking, backing players down, and a slow down/grind it out style that made me sick. Horrible to watch.

3) Older Childhood (now): The NBA is on its way back. Not the best route (allowing young stars WAY too many liberties and benefits to market them) but still, the basketball is better. Teams like Dallas and Phoenix play like teams did in the 80s. Everyone can shoot, they spread the floor, and they move and cut. Athletes are athletic again and are allowed to shine. We're close people. We are close.

As to your hometown Wizards. We are being lied to. The words out of Wiz camp are that we are going to compete for the East. Do not believe the lies. We haven't beaten Miami in 4 years, we cannot guard anyone, and we lack a post presence on either end with any semblance of consistency. We'll be the 6 seed again and lose to one of the top 3 teams in round 1.

I just realized that no one cared about this blog. Out.

I'm One of the Best...

Apologies for my recent brevity. I blame you, the casual reader. Figure out that riddle and you shall have peace.

I spent a good amount of time last week in Lancaster, PA for the Mid-Atlantic Conference for NACA or (money stealing consortium of death and circus sideshows). I ended up having a blast. Nothing major to report, I just hope I get a couple shows from it.

A couple observations:

-Lancaster is supposed to be Amish country. There is an outlet mall there and I bought a pair of pants and some shoes (without trying them on. I know my size). Not really that Amish.

-At the hotel shabingus where the conference was located, there was a horrendous smell that wafted anytime you were outside. The following is what the smell is composed of:

1 part horse poop
1 part stale hey
1 part refinery and processed smoke
1 part natural body oders of the region
1 part a lack of knowledge of the outside world

Serve.

I got a haircut today. I heard the following words from a man:

Man: "Yup, we're #1 in the world...uh huh, my firm is #1 in the world. We are the best in the world."

"Muddled response" by hair cuttery employee...

Man: "Yes, Real Estate. That's the game and we're the champs. #1 in the world..."

Muddled Response...

Man: "We sure are. I'm your man. I can get you in anywhere. We're #1 and I'm one of the best...just a little off the sides and back...thanks hon...yeah, I've been in the game 10 years now. I'll tell you this much, ain't met the man that's outsold me yet."

Muddled question...

Man: "Tell you what, look me up on our website."

Muddled question...

Man: 'Yeah, Website..."

Muddled Question...

Man: "WEB-SITE! In-TER-NET! Yeah...You look us up and we'll get you sorted out."

Muddled muddling...

Man: "Well, I don't know who else could do it; you let me know and I'll take care of you. Do a good job and we'll make sure you get a deal...hahahha...Yeah, I'll take care of you...sure."

Muddled Silence...and some confusion but muddled...

Man: "Yup, #1...OK great thanks."

He paid and left. I was amazed. No comments on this. I'll let you do it for yourselves. I just didn't think that people like this existed in life. I thought they were just movie characters...wow.

It Is YOUR Duty

I'm literally too tired to blog about all the news of this past week. It is going to have wait until next week like a good little news bit that grets rewarded for being patient with a new nintendo game but does not choose well and comes come with 'Tiger Heli', one of the 25 worst games of all time.

What I will tell you, is that on my way back from the NACA conference last night well after midnight. I stopped at a WaWa. I purchased one of the greatest foodstuffs I have ever had the pleasure of consuming. We owe it to oursleves not to let this product go away. If you see it, buy it, eat it, realize that it is the nectar of the gods, and go buy more.

Ritz Chips.

The BEST snackfood in the history of the world. I decided after 4, that I wanted that taste in my mouth forever. When they do an MTV Cribs of my DC apartment in 2012, there will be a pantry filled completely with ritz chips at all times. Astoundingly tight.

Ritz cracker flavor, bakes into a chip. I cannot stress this enough, THE BEST EVER. Incredible. We often talk about achievements of the science community. I wish to invite the man (yes, I said man. Mysogonist, that's how I roll. I'd bet anything that it was not a woman who came up with a tight snack food) over to a bbq where he would be the toast of the event. What a great human.

Have a great weekend.

You Smell Like Comedy

Last promotion, tonight, 8:30 PM at Gary Clark's South Beach Restaurant in Bethesda. Really fun show because of the fun elements involved with the fun-ness and funality...

Last night, my special lady friend made the following remark:

"You smell like comedy."

I knew exactly what she meant. Here is the breakdown of this unique odor:

1) Smoke. (Cannot wait until January). How anyone can purposefully inhale something that sticks to the fiber of cloth and hair like some kind of mutant parasite is beyond me. This is the first ingredient and the most prominent and it is gross.

2) Sweat. For those that know me, you know I'm about 2-2.8 degrees warmer than the average human. And to that end, I will get a lather going when others are comfortable. Further, add a stage light, some ADD outbursts, movement, nervous energy, and gesticulations and...watch the gentle layer of nature's cruel game killer appear.

3) Fried Foods: There is an air of grease, deep frying, and overall 'unhealth' at comedy venues. That smell sticks to you. It smells like poor choices and disregard for the body. It smells like giving in...

4) Dankness: there is an inherent seediness to comedy. Comedy is humid...it is moist. It is dark and kind of hidden. Comedy thrives in a mossy environment.

Those are the elements of a typical comedy smell. And since you cannot smell fear, insecurity, angst, pain, frustration, depression, inability to focus, need for approval, or a crying inner child, these 4 things are what you get.

Who is the best natural athlete of all time? No wrong answer I don't think; well there are some wrong answers. Like, it isn't Larry Poon for example. That dude had to work for everything he got. It is also important how you define the discussion. To me, here are the elements:

Athleticism, Aptitude, Performance.

Here are my top guys:

3) Jackie Robinson (look it up, 4 sports at UCLA)
2) Michael Jordan (best athlete ever, but not natural athlete as defined above)
1) Bo Jackson (that dude could have done anything at a pro level. Big, strong, fast, explosive, coordinated. Set the Alabama long jump record in HS without ever practicing. Showed up at the state meet and beat it.)

Gary Clark

One of my favorite football players of all-time, #84 is kind enough to open his restaurant to some of my silly comic friends and I on Wednesday evening. Here are the details: http://www.southbeachrestaurantbethesda.com/3/miscellaneous9.htm

7904 Woodmont AveBethesda, MD 20814

Show starts at 8:30 is going to be hosted by my buddy Rob Maher who is funny and tastes like pumpkin spice.

I'm really excited about this show because I have wanted to meet Gary Clark since he scored a TD in overtime to beat Minnesota when I was a child and my father explained that he was very fast. I liked that.

If you are in Bethesda, come to the show. If you are not in Bethesda, go there. It's a real up and coming town...

NACA

I'm going to Lancaster, PA on Thursday for the Mid-Atlantic NACA conference. This is where a bunch of reps from colleges go to see who they want to book for their schools. I did a small one in the spring and the result was a shabingus; one of the worst nights of my life. Great story though. It can be one of those sh*tty stories great comics tell when they are famous and everyone loves them because they are great. I cam currently shy the greatness, fame, and an audience for my story. I do have the story.

Wednesday, everyone who is cool in the world needs to come right here: http://www.southbeachrestaurantbethesda.com/

For those that don't know, it is the restaurant of one of my childhood heroes, Gary Clark. He is letting us have a comedy show there. I cannot tell you how excited this makes me. I love this man as much as one can love another man that he does not know personally...My boy Rob Maher put this thing together. He is good.

Show starts at 8:30 and people should come. It will be a great time.

Goodbye everyone.

UGH

Sorry for the late blog today. Kind of a cluster/shabingus workday. I'm going to do something cool tomorrow that I am excited about. No spoiling it though until it happens.

I talked to Rory Scovel today. He's still in Canadia and might not be back here for many moons. He's doing well. He says that despite its rep, Canadia is not just America's Sombrero and/or Northern Mexico. It's a good place with good things.

Have a great weekend everyone.

DOH!

Sorry loyal readers (mom) and casual readers (dad), awkwardly busy today. I usually don't have much to do but I have been occupado all day long. Note: FunnyDanny does not trust any person who says things like:

"I'd rather be busy at work"
"I"M better when I have lots to do."
"Sure I'm with the Navy, why don't you hop into the van and take some candy?"

If you have ever said these things, you are the person at work that annoys everyone and it will be harder to get invited to happy hours. You'll have to do the thing where you manage to hear about them instead of being included on the original email chain...Awkward.

I Did a Good Thing Today

Justin, Jon and I all performed today over at Walter Reed Medical Center for some wonderful people. I know that the 3 of us had an incredible time and we got a great response from all the folks in attendance. One of the better experiences I've had as a comedian. Thanks so much to Walter Reed, Whitney (Brooke) and DeAnne (Andrea).

I put those names in parenthesis because all of us agreed that those 2nd names were what the girls actually looked like. Whitney looks exactly like a Brooke. She looks more like a Brooke than any Brooke has ever looked like a Brooke or Whitney. DeAnne could not have been more Andrea even if she had been named Andrea and had changed her middle name to Andrea also.

Things in my office are tumultuous at best....

Seasons Change and So Do I

I get a sinus shabingus every year when the weather turns cold. This is annoying. I have it now and my face hurts. Note: I did not get punched...this time. Tomorrow, I'm really excited about a show that I am doing. Justin Schlegel, Jon Mumma and I are performing for troops at Walter Reed Hospital. Should be a blast.

Watch that video from my last post. If you don't smile, you have no soul.

Everyone View This Right Now

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ecx5RabND0

F*cking spectacular. I played it 10 times. Booyakashot.

I Am Distressed

Sorry for lateness. I cannot muster much today as the Redskins have got me so depressed. Hard to imagine that things would be like this but they are. Here is an excerpt from a post on my Redskins blog:

Are we being tested? Is this a test? What if it has to get so bad to see who sticks it out? Will it be that much better once we win one of these little shabingi (plural of shabingus)?

Also, notation about my whipping boy, Archu-deetoo. I read an ESPN the Mag article about him when he first came into the league. Phenomenal workout warrior and so forth. Did you know the dude refuses to do ANY agility drills? Like 0. He has the new age trainer guy and he only deadlifts stuff. Weird for a guy that needs quickness huh? I know everyone is tired of me saying this but that will go down as the worst signing since The Wizards introduced 'center of the future' Ike Austin. Yeah, I brought up the Wizards. That is how weird it is right now.
I'm on the Wizards blog too with a different name and everything. But now that the Redkins have chanted 'nivum-Shiva' and the dude from Temple of Doom has stopped by my place in Glover Park to take my heart out of chest and hold my still beating organ aloft as hundreds of pigmies shoot blow darts at it as they dance to the fight song that the eagles made up in 1992, I'm feeling a bit empty and strange.

2-5 going into the bye week dudes and Megskin. It is a very real possibility. I just ate my own eyebrows.Last note: I went to a meeting this morning. I am the lowest dude on the pole by a lot. I am staring into space just distraught with my thoughts of wholdman.edu and acarter.org just getting abused, and one of my superiors snaps me back to reality by repeating a question. Everyone is staring at me. I did not hear the question but I go: 'Let me check'. I get up and leave the room and do not return. That is what the Redskins have done to me this year.
Out.

Helping People? Vastly Over-rated

I helped a friend move a HUGE painting last night after I ate a bag of schizenburgers at Topaz. There should absolutely be a law not allowing friends to take advantage of each other like this. All in all, was it really that horrendous? No, but it was without a doubt, a shabingus.

It is always more complicated that advertised when it comes to moving crap.

"It should just take a few minutes."

"It's more awkward than it is heavy...that's why you need 7 of us"

and so forth. Bullcrap.

Listen, from now on, I'll help you, but you just have to be honest with me:

"Listen dude, it is going to be a complete pain in the a$$. I'm only doing it because my wife will not silence herself on this topic and my next 6 months will be a living hell if I don't get this 50 square feet of painted canvas up to my apartment."

I'll do it. Just be honest. Don't hype it down. That needs to be a law. No down-hyping for dudes helping other dudes move things. I should be able to get something in a kangaroo court. Like, the next time I have some kind of pain the a$$...like I have to get my car fixed. He handles it. I tell him, don't worry about it, and then my car is all set. That is how it should work. Otherwise, I think I'm busy that month bruh.

Daniel Tosh is awesome at comedy. He refuses to pander to the crowd and just keeps hammering away with really creative and edgy material. That is all I'm saying about that.

Have a great weekend everybody. Skins 27 Titans 13.

Eh..

Went to Dremos last night. I am so frustrated at this one joke that used to be funny but now needs a new ending for a number of reasons. I cannot end the joke. It is infuriating. I have literally tried 10 different things. I get laughs in the middle/build up and there needs to be a super punchline...I do not have any of those in my bag. I have settled for mediocre and gimmicky because that is how I roll...

I have been having a feud with local radio sports personality, Steve Czaban. He appears on a few programs, most notably, The 'Sports Reporters' on Sportstalk 980. The long and short is, a lot of people didn't like how he called out a local Redskins reporter (who I happen to think does an incredible job). There was some debate and it led to the reporter going on the radio program. On the reporter's Redskins' blog, Czaban and I have been going back and forth the last 2 days on the blog comments. He then referenced them on the air today. I could not call in because I am at work. This is a really long way of saying that I have entirely too much time on my hands. Good healthy debate I think.

I have nothing to do this weekend which is nice but also means I am not getting work as a comic.

One of the dudes who invented youtube is a 27 year old grad student who just got a couple hundred million dollars for his idea. I am 27. I just swallowed my eyelids.

Too many people want to be hard; be easy. - Method Man

Waking Ned Divine's

A few scattered thoughts from my excursion to Sterling last night:

-Ned Divine's is an incredible place. Spacious, nice looking, and a cool staff with hot waitri (plural for waitress)

-Rob Maher is sweet like a caramel apple. He put the shabingus together and had a great bill for night 1.

-I made Justin Shlegel do a joke that he hasn't done in ages. There is a reason he hasn't done it in ages. I don't care. I still love it and want to hug it...the joke.

-I know this is not original, but I hate traffic. A lot. Wow do I hate it. The opposite of what I like. I just don't have the patience. I need to move if I am in my car. My standard move is to not wait it out and continue to take alternative routes with each chose being poorer than the last one. I cannot break myself of this.

-I had egg salad today for lunch. Dangerous gamble for a minimal return.

-Follow me on this one: My special lady friend had adult beverages last night with a special lady friend of my very good friend. The two discussed how 'cute' their respective men were in terms of the nice things they do + odd/quirky behaviors. The last thing I want to do is to take reprehensible actions and be mocked by my boys as I have so rightly mocked others in the past. And yet, I am now clearly competing with my boy for a prize that I don't really want but feel compelled to win because I am extremely competitive. The end result? I bought her something today. I should not be let out of the house unsupervised...seriously

-Some random rumblings about the Transformers movie to be released on July 4, 2007. Transformers = my childhood. Nothing better captures the spirit of my youth than the Transformers. I love them so much and no job, responsibility, obligation, rule or any other element of being a grownup will keep me away from that theater to recapture my youth. I don't care if the movie sucks. I could literally watch each transformer, in turn, transform from robot to vehicle and back for 5 minutes each for 2 hours and leave feeling completely fulfilled. In my humble opinion, people who do not think Transformers were awesome are joyless people-shells without souls...that might have been a bit aggressive.

-Joe Robinson's crowd work is literally a poetic act...

-Go see my boy Kojo Mante opening for Daniel Tosh this week. Tosh is one of my favorite comics working today and is one of the greatest joke writers ever. No exaggeration. He is a being made of thought and concept.

-I am finding more uses for the word 'shabingus' and it is going well.

Bye.

www.wtf.net

Do you ever sleep wrong and wake up unable to turn your head one way? It hurts and is annoying. This is especially true if on your drive into work you have to merge to the left several times. Cripes that honks.

My boys from Auburn got shellacked on Saturday. I call them my boys because they were my pick to play in the title game this year. Note: often times, this is my philosophy for rooting for college football teams. I pick a horse and root to be correct. Very frustrating to me that my horse lost its jockey and had its leg bit off by some rabid coyotes. I thought Auburn was underrated to start the year and they steadily climbed up in the polls as they navigated a filthy SEC schedule and were #2 when Arkansas upset them this weekend. Here were my other calls to start the year:

-Notre Dame is severely overrated. They will lose 3 games and finish barely in the top 20 (looks possible)
-Florida State is being slept on and will be in title contention this year. (not likely after Clemson took them to the woodshed)
-Penn State stinks (they don't stink but are not as good as advertised)
-The SEC will be far and away the best conference with the Big 10 #2. The Pac-10 stinks and will be the worst BCS conference (2/3. Looks like the Big XII is the worst BCS conference right now)
-Calvin Johnson from Georgia Tech is the best player in the country (any arguments on that?)

Those were my calls. The fact that I am wrong about Auburn and FSU is mildly upsetting.

Rocking a show in Sterling tonight with my boy and fellow Redskin devotee, Rob Maher. According to his website, he is the best comic ever. I have to believe that this is true because the internet.com is about truth.

Advice

I was on the 98 rock morning show this AM. I had a really fun time. Thanks to 98 rock, Kirk, Mark, and Spiegel for having me on. Great time hanging out with cool people. Turns out, after much debate, Mr. Ed was not a zebra...

After the radio, I did a quick segment on FOX 45 Baltimore with Jennifer and Patrice. Note: A mint thing is to be on air with two hot chicks talking about yourself.

Here is the advice: If you are planning on leaving the Baltimore area at 9 with the idea of arriving to your job near Washington, DC a little after 10, hit yourself in the face until you pass out. It is not going to happen. It took me 3 hours. No joke. No exaggerations or shenanigans. 3 hours. It was, in point of fact, a shabingus. Also, everyone at your job will be really mad at you because they had to cover for you all morning and you will be viewed as someone that shirks his responsibilities.

8:30 + 10:30 tonight, 8 + 10 on Saturday night.

Spruce

I spruced up the blog a little and not in a sappy tree that grows in moderate climates sort of way. Just little things here and also there to make so that you, the reader, has a more enjoyable experience when you stop in for an average of 48 seconds according to my webstats. I was able to do this because I was bored and because when you are bored, you experiment with things. Like the time in '88 when I walked to Rite Aid and bought 25 Wacky Wall Walkers and threw them all at the wall at the same time. The results were disappointing at best.

Tired of promoting it so, one last time:

Rascals tonight-Saturday with Headliner William Troxler. It will be fun because I am a fun dude.

Yes...Quickly

Sorry, actually kinda busy today randaomly...and also kind of awkwardly.

I was gonna respond to the dude that called out my fantasy football squadron yesterday but I did so in a comment. It is weird to comment on your own blog. I will just say that to have 2 top 10 running backs and 2 top 10 receivers on one fantasy team in a 12 team league is almost impossible to accomplish. I have average to above average QBs (hopefully Hasselback will return to form after an qwful Chicago week. I think we will getting to face those awful NFC West defenses 5 more times). Enough about that.

Come see humor made in Baltimore. I make my first appearance at Rascals this weekend with headliner William Troxler. Note: I made a couple appearances here when it was the Baltimore Improv...ow! why did you hit me?...oh I'm not supposed to say that it was the imp....oh? Really?...OK...right...No I'm taking the pills...No I know what happens when I don't...yes I know you've been though a lot because of me...can we not talk about this now?...yes I'll see you at home.

5 shows, 3 nights, 1 shabingus.

Out.

Rando Calrissian

Random Musings today...after I mention again that I am at Rascals this weekend in Baltimore. Thursday at 8, Friday at 8:30 and 10:30, and Saturday at 8 and 10. Headliner is William Troxler.

-Doing a show next Tuesday with Rob Maher at a place in Sterling. Sterling is far. Like pack provisions far. That is what I would do for Rob Maher.

-The lineup for the new version of york yankees is among the greatest ever assembled. It is just stupid that this is allowed to happen.

-I would rather be super fast than super strong. I think you could help more people.

-Does anyone collect baseball cards anymore? If so, why?

-My boy Jon is now on gchat. Positive change for humanity.

-It is funny that we like hair when it is on our heads but get grossed out when singular hairs are found around the place.

-Everything bagels are easily the most superior variety of bagel. The other kinds are all vying for a consolation prize.

-I am playing golf next Monday. I am terrible at golf. I have not played in many moons and will be atrocious. I am playing in a 4-some and will drag the team down. Part of me enjoys this.

-I am an avid fantasy sports player. An annoying aspect of fantasy sports is when one team has superior players at every position and loses a week. This happened to me this past week. Rundown of my lineup:

QBs Hasselback and Kitna
RBS Edge, Rudi Johnson, and Laurence Maroney
WRs Larry Fitzgerald and Antonio Bryant
TE Kellen Winslow
D Jaguars

That lineup, in a 12 team league should not lose. This week, add in Marvin Harrison and sub out Bryant. I pulled off a trade to make that go. But this past week, somehow, I not only lost, but I got blown out. Weird.

-Being sweaty in work clothes is on of the worst things ever. It is just behind self-righteous people that don't care if they are ruining the fun.

- At one point in my life, I was able to go to school all day, play sports for 3-4 hours, eat whatever I felt like, do homework and squeeze in at least 1.5 hours of playstation a night. Now? I am debating whether or not to go play softball after work because I had a big lunch and am no tired.

- PS3 in 3 weeks

-Why is it so hard to find a place that makes smoothies? This is the era of the smoothie and I have been craving them lately and I cannot find one anywhere. Move this into the top 10 reasons why not living the city stinks.

See you tomorrow.

Whoop Whoop

Thursday through Saturday, I'm featuring at Rascals in Baltimore. The headliner is William Troxler who I don't know anything about other than that he is the headliner. Should be a fun set of shows. That club is one of the best spaces I have ever performed in. Really great spot in a fun and trashy location...

Kidding, I heart Baltimore.

The Redskins won yesterday. I attended the contest and experienced so much joy due to the outcome of the contest. Strangers sharing in something great together. Pretty magical.

I believe that Santanna Moss is a video game character placed here by a higher being that is playing a video game with our lives...the point is that dude is so quick it cannot be real.

Out

Sawed Off Moeler Hand on the Gumms...

Yup, they took a saw to my tooth. Cut off the top half and put a replacement tooth on there. It was completely painless and by painless I mean everything hurts. Awesome.

Tonight, I just died in your arms tonight...That was Cutting Crew. But seriously, tonight, Warehouse Theater. Go there. 10:30 start. Geek Comedy Tour 3000

It will be fun with high amounts of Transforming, Hit Points, Elixirs, and nano-technology.

Shabingus

Sorry for the lateness on today's post. I am not at work today because of the absurd pain associated with having a hole in one's tooth. Procedure scheduled for tomorrow.

There is a comedy shabingus tomorrow night at the Warehouse Theater at 10:30. Should be a really fun show as a bunch of my most humorous comedy brethren will be in attendance.

Out.

There Is A Hole in My...

1) Congrats to Tim Miller, John McBride, and Sharyar Rizvi for finishing in the top 3 last night. Great show at the improv with an awesome lineup. I thought everyone did really well. Especially me. I was great.

2) Thanks to Jaystings and the Improv for having me. Again, I was great.

Now to business. I had expereinced occasional discomfort in a tooth over the course of a week or so. It wasn't much but it was noticeable. I had been subconsciously chewing on the opposite side of my mouth for a week. Yesterday, I took a bite of a bagel. The scream nearly broke windows.

I went to a bathroom and checked in the mirror. To my surprise, there was a hole in my tooth. I say again, a HOLE IN MY TOOTH. What? This is America. This is not Vietnam where holes appear at random. Right there, in the middle of my tooth, you could see through it. Needless to say, any contact is excrutiating.

I went to the dentist this morning for X rays and such. Here is the conversation that transpired:

Dental Attendant Chick (DAC): OK, well...yeah. Looks like you've got a hole in your tooth there. And uh, well it's prob-ly gonna have to come on out of there. So, you can just go ahead and schedule an appointment with a surgeon who can get it out of there for ya...

Me (horrified to the point of wanting to vomit and cry (vry) at the news) : OK...ummm...how does something like this happen? I mean, who has a hole in their tooth? You know? I mean, I looked yesterday, and there was a hole in my tooth. You don't just get holes in your teeth you know?

DAC: You know, it is just one of those things that happens...

Me: .............................................................................................................Thanks.

One of those things that happens? A traffic ticket is one of those things. A burp. A squirrel getting hit by a car. These are things that just happen. People do not just get holes in their teeth and have to have them yanked out of their head by a dude wearing a welder's mask holding a mitre saw and a pair of pliers.

Until then, I eat soup as any chewing feels like I am giving birth through my tooth. Awesome.

I'm still going onstage despite my discomfort. Why? Because I am a comedy soldier...it is also because without the attention I receive, I feel inadequate...and also the soldier thing.

In other news, the Madden Curse is uncanny. I am totally done in a $$$ fantasy football league because Sean Alexander's foot is dead.

DC Improv Tonight

I just told you where I will be in the title of this blog. I'm hosting the DC Improv Showcase. As most of you know, in general, I hate comedy contests like I hate racism. But, the DC Improv Contest is a bit different. It basically gives the club a chance to look at new comics. That is really it. So, this one is a good thing. I won this shabingus many moons ago and I have sky-rocketed to...well back to the contest. Awesome. So, come to the DC Improv tonight to support the next group of DC comedians.

My boys Tim Miller, John McBride, Dianna Saeeieeieieieeiz, Shahryr Rizvi, and Matt Liebman will all be on the show. They are all good comics and good dudes except for Dianna because she is a girl.

Show starts at 8:30. You should come. Yes, you.

Out.

Everything Is Just So Much Better...

When the Redskins win. We are still in last place in the division, philly is nasty, and we are flawed but I don't even care right now. There is just a weight off my shoulders (this is the weight I put on them when we lose. It is called the 'yoke of defeat' and it is really heavy).

I headlined a show at the Hyatt on Saturday. I did terribly. I subjected the other comics on the show to nearly an hour of material that was luke warm and slightly congealed. So, my bad dudes. Larry Poon was there. The crowd simply had no idea what to do when he was onstage. That is how good that guy is. Just a phenomenon.

For fun, I have attached some pictures of me from the show I have been filming. Oh yeah, whammy. I have been filming a show. It is good. Everyone involved is tight and there is humor. Updates to follow on the release but everyone will be able to see it and enjoy the spectacle. I play a frat dude that is kind of an a-hole. Note: This is a huge stretch for me because I wasn't in a frat, I played a sport...it is really different... Note also: The pic on the right I am doing Deniro. It is a good impersonation.

Die Hard

I watched Die Hard last night. I forgot how awesome that movie is. I give it credit for being one of the original gangsters of new school super tight summer blockbusters. It is right up there with Terminator for 'movie that regular dudes like but critics scoff at but they make movies for dudes not critics'.

So many wonderful elements. Here they be:

1) Bruce Willis: This made Brillis's career. He was totally somebody after this. Before? He had done a little tv and some smaller parts but he was not big. Ballsy to make a virtual unknown the star of a huge film. He nails this part.

2) Alan Rickman: Before Professor Snape he was Hans Gruber. Think for 30 seconds....can you name a better villain (regular humans only)? You should not be able to because he was the best. For the record, he is behind Darth Vader, the T-1000, and every handsome dude that has done a chick flick.

3) Paul Gleason: RIP man. You mess with the bull, you get the horns.

4) Reginal Veljohnson: Uncle Carl nailed this part. 'I need backup at Nakatomi! Now dammit! NOW!'

5) William Atherton: Professor Jerry Hathaway from Real Genius. No one could ever play the sleezy local reporter better.

6) I'm agent Johnson...this is Special Agent Johnson...no relation. Mint

7) Argyle: I don't know this dude's name but he was on 'Head of the Class' which was an underrated show.

8) Clarence Gilyard: You don't recognize this dude? What if I told you he played 'Sundown' in Top Gun? Now?...'We could have had 'em man...hey, we could have had 'em' - "I WILL FIRE WHEN I AM GODDAMM GOOD AND READY! YOU GOT THAT!"

9) When the bad guys open the vault, the soundtrack plays Ode to Joy and you find yourself rooting for them a little.

10) The dude that played the broker who tried to deal with Hans. "Hans...bubey...I'm your white knight." Awesome.

Great flick.

Other things:

I am at the Bethesda Hyatt this weekend. My good friend and fishing buddy Larry Poon will be there. He's just back from a weekend at the Chuckle Hut in Van Nuys, CA so we are lucky to have him. 7400 Wisconsin Ave in Bethesda.

I wish Rob Maher would update his blog more. That dude is funny and also a good dude. I'm still not watching the Wire...