Hard Of Hearing My A$$

Went to Topaz last night. Standard apathetic crowd plus 'mailing it in comic' made for a normal Thursday evening...with the following exception. Giddyup.

About 1 minute into my set, the crowd had 0 energy. In an attempt to involve them, I introduced the next premise by asking the audience member nearest the stage a question. This is a standard practice that has been perfected by Joe Robinson...perfected.

The woman just stared at me. Here is what happened next:

Me: 'yes ma'am, you're the only person I can see from up here (bright light). Do you ever get stuck in a really awkward conversation you can't get out of (the premise)?

Woman: ........ (blank stare).......(begins to look at her friend at the table)

Me: (in a joking way) 'Don't look away, we're having a moment.'

Woman: (looks back at me)...................... (makes a couple signs with her fingers and in a barely audible tone says...) 'I'M DEAF'.

.....................................................................................................................................................................

Holy sh*t.....the place goes dead silent. I am a heap of flummoxed awkwardness wrapped in a shabingus on stilts at the DMV. The crowd hates me...HATES. Like visceral and angry hatred. Like I'm Nikoli Volkov signing the Russian Anthem during the Cold War...that kind. Nothing I say can make this right for several minutes. I muddle through with some awkward comments and failed attempts at levity. I tried to finish the joke with the other lady at the table but quit on it after 17 seconds of Sisyphusian effort.

I am finally able to recover and have a decent last couple minutes. Over all, I am shaken. Seriously. This got to me. I went back out into the hallway with Jon Mumma and Justin Schlegel and I begin to lament how I may never be able to talk to the crowd again...ever. I think about retiring from comedy all together as I am the biggest D-bag that has ever walked. I ponder writing an apology letter when...

When I look up and the 'Deaf' woman walks on stage. I shoosh everyone and listen. She speaks normally. She isn't deaf people. She's just a new comic who uses the 'deaf thing' for a bit. I am stunned. Mumma is laughing. Justin is pissed. He wants to go talk to her. I'm more of the 'what do I care?' mold...which really means that I don't have the balls to confront anyone even when they screwed me.

As I'm by the exit, about to depart, the lady is standing there. This is uncomfortable for me as I'm talking to someone else. I basically do not pay much attention to her and she wanders off. I subsequently discover that Schlegel went and talked to her and basically said this:

1) You don't do that...ever
2) The 3 of us have worked our a$$es off for 3 years and are pretty well respected around here.
3) If you do something like that again, your 'career' will be over before it starts.

I love Justin.

Now, a few things on this:

-In the grand scheme of things, do I really care? No. It was a sh*tty set at THE Topaz. I'll be OK. Am I worried that this will derail my career? No.

-That said, it's still a pretty obnoxious move. Justin made a good point on one of his recent video blogs about how it's unthinkable for a comic to heckle another comic (some exceptions, like very good friends can f with each other but even then it's limited). You just don't. Well, this feeds out of the same trough. You don't kill another comic's set like that. While to some, it might seem like an innocent mistake. It's not. Here's why:

-Any comic who has had some amount of stagetime knows that there are things like this that can kill shows. There are dozens of these things; too numerous to mention. If you're not onstage, you're not onstage. It's not your time. Period end of story. You don't start committing to a bit 3 comics before you are on. Unless you've got something planned out with a colleague, you don't do that.

-Again, it was just an open mic but the point is, you never know. You don't know what could have been going on. It could have been Ryan Conner up there with a Conan O'Brien audition the next day (by the way, F Ryan in the A with crooked D) and you could have ruined his timing and confidence. That's just one example. You just don't know which is why, if you are sitting in the front row, you play along or, like most comics do, you sit in the back or out of the room entirely.



I'll be at Ned Devine's in Sterling tomorrow night with the aforementioned Joe Robinson. Come see us.