There Is A Hole in My...

1) Congrats to Tim Miller, John McBride, and Sharyar Rizvi for finishing in the top 3 last night. Great show at the improv with an awesome lineup. I thought everyone did really well. Especially me. I was great.

2) Thanks to Jaystings and the Improv for having me. Again, I was great.

Now to business. I had expereinced occasional discomfort in a tooth over the course of a week or so. It wasn't much but it was noticeable. I had been subconsciously chewing on the opposite side of my mouth for a week. Yesterday, I took a bite of a bagel. The scream nearly broke windows.

I went to a bathroom and checked in the mirror. To my surprise, there was a hole in my tooth. I say again, a HOLE IN MY TOOTH. What? This is America. This is not Vietnam where holes appear at random. Right there, in the middle of my tooth, you could see through it. Needless to say, any contact is excrutiating.

I went to the dentist this morning for X rays and such. Here is the conversation that transpired:

Dental Attendant Chick (DAC): OK, well...yeah. Looks like you've got a hole in your tooth there. And uh, well it's prob-ly gonna have to come on out of there. So, you can just go ahead and schedule an appointment with a surgeon who can get it out of there for ya...

Me (horrified to the point of wanting to vomit and cry (vry) at the news) : OK...ummm...how does something like this happen? I mean, who has a hole in their tooth? You know? I mean, I looked yesterday, and there was a hole in my tooth. You don't just get holes in your teeth you know?

DAC: You know, it is just one of those things that happens...

Me: .............................................................................................................Thanks.

One of those things that happens? A traffic ticket is one of those things. A burp. A squirrel getting hit by a car. These are things that just happen. People do not just get holes in their teeth and have to have them yanked out of their head by a dude wearing a welder's mask holding a mitre saw and a pair of pliers.

Until then, I eat soup as any chewing feels like I am giving birth through my tooth. Awesome.

I'm still going onstage despite my discomfort. Why? Because I am a comedy soldier...it is also because without the attention I receive, I feel inadequate...and also the soldier thing.

In other news, the Madden Curse is uncanny. I am totally done in a $$$ fantasy football league because Sean Alexander's foot is dead.