I Want To Tell You About the Time I Almost Died

As of right now, tickets are sold out to the Satellite Kickoff Show presented by DC Comedyfest on Saturday at Topaz Bar (1733 N Street). Thanks to all those that reserved their tickets in advance.; RUYA (see a previous post if you don't know) to those of you that didn't. The place will be packed and the humor will be hot. Join us at the official afterparty at The Front Page which is a couple blocks away at 1333 New Hampshire Ave at 10PM. Stuff will be off of the chains designed to keep it on.

Last night, Satellite point guard Rory Scovel and I journeyed down to a club in Richmond where Rory (www.roryscovel.com) was headlining and I was doing a guest spot to audition to headline in the future. The place is called Easy Street thanks to Ray for putting the show on and letting me do some time. What a great crowd. They rolled with everything and stayed through the entire show which went pretty long. Why did it run long? Because Rory did 1 hour and 15 minutes. Thanks ass. Way to feel the moment big guy. Who cares if we get out of Richmond at midnight? I was with him for the first 30 minutes. During the next 30 minutes I tried to hold my breath until I passed out hoping that I would at least get some rest before coming to work today. During the last 15 minutes I was mentally screaming at him to shut the hell up like Elane when she was trapped in coach and had to get up to go potty. I kid. He did great and proved that he can fill a long spot. Awesome stuff.

When we finally did pull away, we stopped for gas. I went to see if the shop was open to grab a couple of beverages for the road. As I was walking back to the car upon discovering the store was closed, a big SUV slowly pulled into the parking lot. In the car, there were two young men wearing hooded sweatshirts taking a really long look at the store. They rolled by as if they were deciding something and went to the back of the parking lot and turned around. 'Oh my God,' I thought, 'they are about to rob this place'. I walk briskly back to the car and tell Rory who has just finished filling up: 'let's go right now. I'm not kidding'. He assumed I was kidding because we are comics (the danger of humor my friends). I get in and tell him to hurry up. I look back and now the SUV is moving to pull along side us. I am terrified. Here is my thought process:

-They were planning on robbing the gas station convinience store. When it was locked and no one was inside, they decided they were going to rob and shoot us instead.-

Rory is moving really slowly and I am freaking out. Just as he gets in the car. The SUV arrives alongside us and the passenger rolls down his window and sticks his head out and signals for Rory to roll down his window. I am frozen with fear. Rory looks at the guy for a second and then rolls his window down. The kid leans out and I am thinking: "here it is. This is how it ends. I am going to get shot twice in the chest and I am going to die in Richmond in my friend's sister's shitty car."

The kid sounds like Fez from 'That 70s Show' and asks where the bus station is. Rory somehow knew the answer. They drive off. I say: "I would never hang out here" and we went home.

Fin.